


Ghosts of the Past

by romanogersassemble



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Red Room (Marvel), Work In Progress, romangoers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2020-03-05 22:33:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 50,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18838114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanogersassemble/pseuds/romanogersassemble
Summary: Natasha Romanoff is a fugitive from the United States. After a brutal fight that tore apart her family, the Avengers, Natasha works with Steve Rogers and other to right wrongs and be heroes outside the law.Despite trying to forget her former life as an assassin, ghosts of her past haunt her. Natasha has to reevaluate her place in the world. Can she accept her past and move on? Can those closest to her see passed her bloody past?Is she more than the deadly assassin that the Red Room carefully constructed?





	1. Chapter 1

“Cover me!” Steve shouted to Natasha.  
The assassin laid down cover fire for her partner as he ran toward her position. She downed two assailants with non-fatal shots. When they got ambushed, Natasha knew the team needed the attackers alive to find out how the agency found them again.  
A bullet cracked through the air, and Steve stumbled toward Natasha. Her eyes flitted toward him as she fired a few more rounds for good measure. She crouched down beside Steve.  
“Are you hit?”  
Steve shook his head. “Just grazed me.”  
“Can I see?”  
Steve scooted himself closer to Natasha. She touched his leg where the pants had been burned away by a speeding bullet. His leg already had an angry red burn across the flesh, but there was very little bleeding. Steve could manage the rest of the gun fight without her tending to the wound.  
Natasha popped back up, and fired a few more rounds before expertly aiming at the last two assailants and downing them. The gunfire stopped, and all was quiet. She put her hand to help Steve up to his feet. She pulled out several sets of zip ties and tossed them to Steve. They each went to work on securing the injured men.  
Steve finished before Natasha and made his way over to her. She secured the second to last agent before Steve walked up beside her.  
“You really need a shield.” Natasha declared.  
Steve raised an eyebrow in response.  
“I’m doing all the work because you don’t have one.”  
Steve chuckled. “I thought you liked doing it all yourself.”  
“Well not all the time. I’m not a super soldier. I get tired.  
Steve touched Natasha’s shoulder as they walked over to the man crawling away from them.  
“Do you need a nap?”  
Natasha laughed as she grabbed the man’s foot.  
“Yes, I do. You are going to drive home while I get my much needed rest.”  
Steve stifled his laugh. “Your beauty sleep?”  
Natasha bent down and zip tied the man’s feet. “I don’t need sleep to refresh my beauty; i just need to seduce unexpecting soldiers.”  
Steve stood at the man’s feet as Natasha moved toward his head.  
“Never gonna happen, Nat.”  
Natasha laughed as she turned around and winked. “Never say never, Rogers, but, anyway, you aren’t my type.”  
Natasha sauntered toward Steve. His eyes fought to stay fixed on her eyes as swung her hips. She stopped with only inches between them and poked a finger in his chest.  
“I like bad boys. The honest, righteous bit doesn’t work on me.” She said as she looked at him through her eyelashes  
Steve’s face flushed as Natasha turned around. She rolled the man over, and he pointed a gun at her. The man’s hand trembled, and she laughed.  
“You aren’t going to shoot me.”  
Steve watched Natasha stare down this man. She didn’t falter. She was terrifying if you didn’t know her personally, and truthfully, she was terrifying even when you knew her. The man’s finger lowered and rested on the trigger. Steve glanced at Natasha. He couldn’t remember if she put on a vest before they left, and he launched himself in front of her.  
The bullet hit him in the side.  
Steve crumbled, and Natasha caught him under the arms. Her eyes flashed with tears, but she whipped out her gun and fired 4 rounds into the man’s chest without blinking. Steve gripped Nat’s shoulders to hold himself up. Pain seared through his side and chest.  
Natasha held Steve until he finally found his feet. Her chest flared with anger. Even though she knew Steve had a vest on, she hated that he threw himself in front of a bullet for her.  
For her. She already owed him enough. This was another tally to an already long list. They had each other’s backs, but this was reckless.  
Steve touched his side and winced. His face scrunched in pain.  
“What the hell was that?” Natasha snapped.  
Steve glanced at Natasha. He thought she would be grateful, but instead her face contorted in an angry frown; her eyes glistening with tears. Natasha wanted to be angry at Steve taking a bullet for her, but truthfully, she was grateful. Her face softened as Steve frowned.  
“Damnit, Steve. Go get in the car before you get your reckless ass killed.”  
Natasha grabbed the team leader and snipped the zip ties around his feet. He complied with her yanking and got to his feet. He led the way their car while she held a gun to his back. She pushed the man into the trunk and closed it.  
Steve sat in the driver seat of the car. He had shed his bulletproof vest. Natasha circled around to the driver side and tapped the window with her gun.  
“You are not driving.”  
Steve tried to protest, telling her that she needed rest among other things.  
“You have been shot twice today. No. Get in the passenger seat.”  
Steve did as Natasha demanded and vacated the driver seat. She hopped up into the sedan and started it up. Steve seemed to be examining where the bullet hit his vest. Natasha leaned forward and peered at the nasty bruise that had already formed.  
“Let me see.”  
Steve lifted his shirt more and turned to the side to give her a better look. She touched the bruised area softly, but Steve’s face still scrunched up in pain.  
“Probably some bruised ribs.” She glanced at the torn pant. “How’s the leg?”  
Steve looked down at his previous wound.  
“I forgot about it.”  
Natasha chuckled. “Well, that’s good. I’ll get a better look at it when we get back to the house.”

Natasha sped to their safehouse as Steve dozed off in the passenger seat. The adrenaline from getting shot wore off pretty quickly.  
After circling the block that their safe house was on to make sure no one tailed them, She pulled up to the house and parked the car in the garage.  
Steve woke up once the car turned off, and he gathered his stuff and took it inside. She called to check in with Sam and left a voicemail, while Steve went inside.  
“Hey, Sam. We got ambushed by some agents. Not sure what agency yet, but I took the team leader so I’ll find out soon. We probably will be a few more days here because Cap is hurt. I want to lay low until he can safely be back to the work. Keep me posted on Wanda and Vision. Thanks, bye.”  
Natasha let herself inside the house and found Steve disinfecting the bullet graze on his leg.  
“Hey, let me help.”  
Natasha took the rubbing alcohol from Steve’s hand. She pulled at the tear in his pants to expose the skin more. She dabbed the disinfectant on the wound, and then softly apply the bandage.  
“Shirt.” She spoke softly.  
Steve peeled off his shirt to expose a nasty bruise. His side was colored with dark blues and purples. Natasha touched Steve’s side softly and glanced at his reaction. Their eyes connected as he winced at the pain.  
“Sorry.” She mumbled.  
Something about his blue eyes calmed her mind. She reached for the first aid kit Steve had opened up beside him. She pulled out the pain numbing cream. Her fingers worked the cream into his skin. She glanced up at him again. His eyes were closed.  
Natasha enjoyed taking caring of people. So much of her life revolved around causing pain and injury, so when she got a chance to care for someone, she enjoyed it. Steve seemed to relax the longer she rubbed the cream into the skin, so she continued despite knowing the cream already had been worked into his skin.  
Steve opened his eyes and watched as Natasha worked silently. She looked happy. It had been awhile since she seemed at peace. They would probably take a few days of down-time before heading back to their home base where Sam and Wanda kept an eye on their movements during missions.  
Natasha stopped rubbing circles into Steve’s side. She looked back up at Steve who was already watching her.  
“Thanks, Nat.”  
The silence between them was normal, but at the moment, it seemed deafening to Steve. He grabbed his shirt and disappeared into the bathroom to change out of his gear. When he reappeared, Natasha had changed her clothes into some leggings and one of Steve’s t-shirts and was relaxing on the couch in the living room.  
Natasha heard Steve’s feet entering the room, and she glanced back to see Steve still without his shirt. Her eyes instinctually followed the curves and grooves of Steve’s muscles before they snapped back up to his eyes.  
“Aren’t you going to put your shirt back on?” Natasha asked.  
Steve shook his head with a smirk. “Thought I’d let the cream settle in more.”  
Natasha attempted to turn her attention back to the file in front of her, but her eyes flitted back up to his bare chest and his rippling muscles. Once he sat down beside her, she could focus a bit better because he wasn’t moving around. She trained her eyes on the file in her hands.  
“I ran the guy in the trunks credentials, and he’s CIA.”  
Steve sighed. “We have the CIA on us now?”  
Natasha shrugged. “Yeah, but we can move more freely, so they shouldn’t be much of an issue.”  
Steve asked, “Are you going to question that guy soon?”  
“Soon. But I’m gonna leave him there for another 15 minutes.”  
Steve fiddled with his sweatpants. He wanted to ask her why she killed the man that tried to shoot her when it seemed obvious they needed to get some answers from the agents. Steve figured it was an instinct, but the fear in her eyes told a different story.  
Without looking up, Natasha asked, “What’s on your mind, Steve?”  
Natasha’s eyes flitted up when Steve hesitated to answer. She followed his movements as he bit his lip while choosing his words. When he began to speak, she returned to glancing back and forth from the file and his face.  
“I- Well, I figured that we need to questions the agents that ambushed us, so why did you kill that guy?"

Natasha stopped and stared at the file; her eyes not reading what was in front of her. She mauled over his question.  
Why did she fire 4 rounds into that man’s chest when she had been specifically not doing kill shots before? Part of it was instincts, but the anger and fear she felt when the gun went off and lodged itself in Steve’s vest was not something the Red Room taught her. The answer seemed so easy, but hard to say. That man could have killed Steve, and she couldn’t lose him.  
“I already knew he wasn’t the team leader, so he was expendable.”  
Natasha figured that was an acceptable answer. Her answer was true, but not a complete answer. Steve nodded, but he knew there was more to it. He wouldn’t press her for further explanation right now. 

“What’s for dinner tonight?” Natasha asked after a few minutes of silence.  
Steve stayed silent for a bit longer. “I think we have some ground beef. Hamburgers sound good?”  
Natasha absentmindedly nodded while continuing reading over the file in her hands. Steve disappeared into the kitchen while she read. After several minutes of silence on both parts, Natasha turned in her spot and peered at Steve. He held a bag of frozen peas to his ribs while he flipped some burgers. She smirked at the sight of it. He looked very domestic cooking dinner for the two of them.  
Maybe in another lifetime he would have been a doting dad with an unexceptional, yet still perfect wife and a couple kids all behind a white picket fence. He would have had the so-called “American Dream”, but here he was, nursing a bullet wound and cooking dinner for a Russian assassin. 

“You got something you wanna say, Nat?” Steve spoke with an eyebrow raised at her.  
She pushed herself off of the couch and joined Steve in the tiny kitchen. She pushed herself up onto the counter beside Steve.  
“You look domestic.”  
Steve glanced at her. “And?”  
A frown flashed over Natasha’s lips. “Would you have chosen a different life?”  
Steve’s brow furrowed at the question. Of course, he wouldn’t have chosen to be shot at or risk his life everyday, but his life wasn’t all bad. His eyes flickered to Natasha as she watched him move the burgers back and forth. He wouldn’t have met Natasha. He wouldn’t have found a family in the Avengers. He wouldn’t have gotten Bucky back. His life was dangerous, but it was good enough.  
“What do you mean?” Steve responded. The question was vague. He knew his answer, but Natasha seemed too lost in thought for it to be so simple.  
She let out a sigh. “Would you have chosen the ‘American Dream’ over this life?”  
Steve nodded, starting to understand what Natasha was getting at.  
“Who wouldn’t want that perfect life of success and happiness, but it’s not real. I’ve seen enough things in my life time to know that it doesn’t exist.”  
Steve pulled the burgers off the stove and set them aside to rest. He turned back to Nat.  
“My- our lives are dangerous, but it’s interesting. To me the perfect ‘American Dream’”, Steve gestured air quotes which made Natasha laugh, “doesn’t exist. I’ve learned that you have to find the perfection in the imperfect.”  
Steve’s eyes connected with Natasha’s as he spoke. “I don’t know about you, but spending the day getting shot at with a superb partner and a friend watching my back is a perfect as it is gonna get.”  
Natasha rolled her eyes. “Always the sap, Cap.”  
Steve raised an eyebrow. “So you’ve stooped to rhyming now.”  
Natasha grimaced, just now noticing the rhyme.  
Steve chuckled. “A poet, and she didn’t even know it.”  
“Shut up, old man.” Natasha quipped back.  
Steve chuckled as he finished fixing their meal and held out her plate.  
“At least, your old man cooks you dinner. Be grateful, Romanoff.”  
Natasha smirked as she snatched the plate from his hands. She downed the burger in a few bites and headed out to deal with her prisoner. 

Natasha dragged the unconscious team leader into the garage and tied him to a chair. She pulled off the blindfold she had on him and tapped his head a few times with the butt of her gun.  
“Wakey, wakey. Rise and Shine, asshole.”  
The man stared at the petite woman in front of him.  
“Widow.”  
Natasha laughed. “You know who I am! How menacing!”  
She reach out her wrists with a taunting smirk. “Arrest me!”  
The man grunted at her taunting. She placed a hand on her hip, and the hand with the gun tapped the man on the head again.  
“Focus, smartass. I only have a few questions, so answer quick, and then we’ll be on our way.”  
Natasha interrogated the man for over an hour. Steve kept checking in, making sure everything was going alright. After the 4th time of checking in on the comms, Natasha covered the man’s eyes and disappeared back into the main house.  
“I swear to God, Steve, if you check in on me one more time over the coms while I’m trying to interrogate this idiot, I’m gonna kill you.”  
Steve dropped his head as she scolded him. He stared at his feet.  
“I can take care of myself. I don’t need mother hen checking up every 5 minutes.”  
Steve nodded, and Natasha turned on her heels to return to the prisoner. Just as the door closed behind Natasha, Steve spoke to her through the comms again.  
“You good, Nat?”  
He heard an angry groan and then the door swing back open. Natasha stood in the doorway, hands on her hips, fuming as Steve laughed. If looks could kill, Steve would have been dead. She stomped back out the door, and the comms went silent. 

Steve sketched while Natasha continued to interrogate. He found himself sketching Natasha as he waited. After another hour passed, Natasha returned to the house. Steve was lost in his thoughts as he shaded in a shadowy portion of his portrait of Nat. She entered the room without alerting Steve, but as she rounded the couch to see what he was drawing this time, he snapped his book closed and glanced up a disappointed Natasha.  
“Whatcha doin’, Rogers?” She asked innocently as she plopped down beside him.  
Steve smirked. “Ya know, drawing French girls.”  
Natasha rolled her eyes as she draped her legs across his lap. “I never should have let watch Titanic with Laura and me.”  
Steve laughed. “You said it was a classic. So I had to check it off my handy dandy list.”  
Nat snorted and then laid her head on the arm rest. “Seriously, what do you draw in there that is so secretive?”  
Steve smiled innocently as she looked at him through her eyelashes.  
“Does Cap really draw naked women like he says?”  
Steve’s face flushed at her teasing.  
“Is Steve Rogers bad at something? Could Captain America actually be bad at something?”  
Steve mocked her with a hurt face. “Truly, I am terrible. I’m ashamed.”  
“When are you gonna let me have a peek though? The mystery is killing me.” Natasha whined.  
Steve leafed through his book trying to find something that didn’t feel so incriminating. He wasn’t sure how she would feel being the main subject of a lot of his sketches. He finally found a flower he pressed into his book with the corresponding sketch. He turned the book around to show her. Her eyes took in the detailed sketch.  
“Wow. That’s beautiful.”  
Steve smiled at her, but her eyes were still trained on the sketch.  
“Is that the flower you put in my hair when we were on a mission like 3 years ago?”  
Steve suddenly remembered that day so vividly now. He nearly groaned because this wasn’t as safe of a picture as he thought.  
“We were trailing a target and walking through this lovers lane kinda place, pretending to be a couple,” She laughed. “as usual.”  
Steve nodded remembering as she recounted the moment.  
“You picked this flower. Put it in my hair and then we walked around holding hands and trailing the target.”  
Steve glanced at her. He had to decide whether or not he could lie and say he didn’t remember that moment between them.  
Steve settled on the truth. “I guess it is that flower.”  
Natasha peered over the book at Steve. She was confused why he would hold onto a flower from a mission, but also extremely touched at the sentiment.  
“It’s sweet you kept it.”  
Steve shrugged trying to pass it off as nothing more than sweet, and Natasha tried not to show how touched she was by the gesture. After she took one more look at the flower, Steve shut the sketchbook and set it aside. Her eyes lingered on him for a moment.  
“I never took you for the sentimental type, Rogers.”  
Steve chuckled. “I’m a multifaceted man.”  
Silence fell over them, but it felt tense to both. Steve wondered if it was even on her radar that it was more than just a sweet sentiment between close friends.  
“Did the guy tell you anything?”  
“Not yet. He’s CIA, so he’ll be a little harder to break. But I am THE Black Widow,” Natasha flicked her hair with a cheesy grin as she got up to go check on her prisoner. “So it shouldn’t be much longer.”

Steve laughed at her joking at her own expense.  
“You’re a dork.” Steve laughed as he opened his sketchbook.  
Natasha scoffed. “That’s rich coming from you.”  
Steve rolled his eyes and muttered to himself as she disappeared.  
“I didn’t say it was a bad thing. I love dorks.”

Steve flipped through the pages of his sketchbook, trying to find his current portrait. When he found it, he went back to his sketching to pass the time until Natasha came back from interrogating their prisoner. A faint crash and then a strangled holler caught his attention, but he knew that was only Natasha doing her work. Silence followed, and Steve returned to shading in his sketch.  
The door from the garage opened and closed with a creak.  
“You get what you want from him?” Steve hollered.  
When Natasha rounded the corner, she was inspecting her bloodied hands. She glanced up at Steve with a smirk.  
“I always do, Rogers. I always do.”  
She moved to the sink to wash the blood from her hands, and Steve watched as she winced when flexing her fingers.  
He put aside his sketchbook and grabbed the first aid kit. 

Now was his turn to take care of her.  
Once she had cleaned most of the blood off her fingers, he tapped her on the side.  
“Lemme see.”  
She held her hands out to him.  
Her hands told her story. They held faded scars from her childhood, as well as, new scars from fighting for the good guys. They were strong and a little tough, but also gentle. They showed who she was. A mix of tough and gentle, good and bad.  
He wrapped her index and middle fingers together on both hands.  
“All set.”  
Natasha looked at her hands again and then glanced up at Steve who was still standing very close to her. He flashed her a smile.  
“Thanks.” She smiled back.  
Steve shook his head. “No problem.”  
Their eyes connected for a fleeting moment. Steve wished he could explain to her how much she meant to hi. Natasha’s mind ran as his gaze seemed to peer into her soul. She wondered if she could ever explain to Steve how much he changed her life. She would follow him to the ends of the earth if he asked. The thought of her devotion to him scared her. She was in uncharted territory.  
The Red Room didn’t train her for love and family.


	2. Chapter 2

While the sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon, Steve tossed their unconscious prisoner into the trunk. Natasha decided they would return the man to where she had learned was his base. Natasha double checked the zip ties and ropes she used to restrain the man because she wasn’t looking to have a surprise when they opened the trunk. She slammed the trunk closed.  
Steve sat on the hood of the car staring out at the rising sun over the abandoned farm. The sky shone with pastel shades of pink and orange. Natasha took her place beside him.  
“It’s beautiful.”  
Steve glanced at her as she spoke and then added, “And breathtaking.”  
Natasha drew her knees up to her chest as she stared out over the rolling pastures.  
“With the life we live, you don’t get many moments like this.”  
“I can’t remember the last time I actually watched the sunrise.” Steve added.  
Natasha kept her eyes trained on the beautiful colors that illuminated the sky.  
Steve looked at Natasha who was captivated by the sunrise. He glanced at his watch, knowing they needed to leave soon, but not wanting to disturb Natasha. She seemed at peace, and Steve didn’t want to take that away.  
He glanced at his watch again, but this time Natasha noticed his movements.  
She looked to him. “I guess we should leave now.”  
Steve nodded and got into the driver seat. After one more look at the sky, Natasha followed suit and hopped into the passenger seat.  
They had to drive for an hour before they arrived at their destination. Natasha stared out at the rolling pastures; she hadn’t seen wide open land like this in awhile. It reminded her of Clint’s farm. She missed him and his family. She wished she could call them as often as she wanted to like she did back in the States.  
Natasha he closed her eyes and imagined having a farm like Clint’s. Having a family and a permanent home. It was merely a pipe dream. A family of her own was something she’d probably never get the chance to have. She glanced over at Steve who seemed preoccupied in his own thoughts. He was her family, and that was enough. She thought about the rest of her team, the Avengers. They might be a mismatched group, but she loved them all.  
Steve eventually noticed Natasha’s gaze.  
“What’s on your mind?”  
Natasha snapped back to reality.  
“Nothing important.” She mumbled as she returned to looking out of the expansive farmland.  
Steve chuckled. “Tell me anyway.”  
Natasha rolled her eyes and glanced at the intrusive soldier.  
“This farmland reminds me of Clint, Laura, and the kids.”  
Steve nodded in response. “And?”  
Natasha chuckled quietly.  
“And I thought would I ever settle down like he did. Would I ever have a permanent home, a house, to call my own? Would I ever have a family like he did?”  
Steve sighed. “Is that what you want?”  
Natasha didn’t know the answer to that. It should be the ultimate goal, but there was always a fight. Always something holding her back from trying.  
“Is that what you would want, Rogers?”  
Steve shot a glare at her for avoiding the question. He didn’t know if he wanted or even if that life was possible for him.  
“I don’t know.”  
Natasha shifted in her seat to face Steve.  
After looking around at the wide open land, she finally answered. “I don’t know either.”  
“I should want it.” She mumbled.  
Steve looked to her with a small reassuring smile before returning his gaze to the road ahead.  
“One day, Nat, there won’t be any more wars, and we can figure out what we want.”  
Natasha stared at Steve. Always the optimist. Always wishing for the best. She hoped that side of him would rub off on her more.  
At some point, Natasha dozed off. Steve touched her arm, and Natasha blearly glanced at him.  
“We’re almost here. You said the rest of his team weren’t supposed to get back to his base until 7:30.”  
Natasha glanced at the clock.  
06:45  
They got there with plenty of time to spare. She let out a sigh of relief. Neither of them were in great fighting shape.  
Steve parked a block or two away from the CIA safehouse, so they could watch. They needed to make sure no one was there before they dropped the prisoner off.  
07:00  
No one had shown up yet. No movement.  
Natasha spoke. “Let’s take him.”  
Steve seemed hesitant.  
“If we don’t take him now, they might catch us.”  
Steve nodded, but he still had reservations. He opened the trunk and threw their unconscious prisoner over his shoulder. Natasha noticed Steve wince under the weight.  
“You good?” She muttered.  
Steve nodded and trudged on. He dropped the man on the front step, and Natasha pinned a note to his chest.  
She chuckled to herself. “That should keep them chasing their tail for at least a few weeks.”  
They returned to their car, and Steve looked to Natasha.  
“Where to?”  
Natasha frowned. “I guess we probably shouldn’t go back to the farmhouse.”  
Steve asked,“Do you think it’s safe to go home for a bit?”  
His tired eyes almost begged her for the rest they both needed. They hadn’t been back to HQ in weeks because of little missions here and there and making sure no one followed them.  
Natasha pursed her lips. Hopefully, they didn’t have the CIA tailing them. They needed to make sure of that before they returned to their HQ.  
“In a few days.”  
Steve flashed her a small smile in return.  
She said, “Just drive for a few hours until we hit some small town. We will stop and stay the night there and figure out the plan after that.”

Steve’s eyes flitted up to the rearview. A tall, burly man stood behind the car. Natasha’s eyes found the man in the side mirror a second after Steve, but her instincts kicked in faster.  
“Brake.” Natasha spoke calmly.  
Steve pressed in the brake, and Natasha shifted the car into reverse. Steve floored the accelerator and downed the man. Steve whipped the car around, but electronic system crashed leaving their car useless. Natasha’s eyes searched the area for any sign of their assailants, but nothing. Beside the man they just ran over, it seemed they were alone.  
Natasha scrambled out of the car, and Steve followed suit. They stood back to back waiting for someone to start shooting, but nothing. The silence was deafening.  
No birds chirping. No quiet buzz of electricity.  
The absolute lack of noise sent a pang through Natasha’s gut. Steve’s eyes darted around looking for someone to fight. He spotted a motorcycle a block away at the same time Natasha did. They sprinted in that direction. Natasha expected a spray of bullets to follow them, but nothing.  
Whoever just showed up was letting her and Steve go. There was no strategy in letting them go, but she didn’t dwell on it.  
Steve got to the motorcycle before her and started fiddling with the wires to start it. Her fingers searched through her pockets. She remembered stashing a universal ignition key that Stark had made just before she left the Compound. After a moment of searching, her fingers found the familiar key, and she slipped it into the ignition. Steve looked up at Natasha with a smirk as he revved the engine. She took that as her cue and straddled the bike behind him . Steve whirled them around and sped off in the other direction.  
Natasha looked over her shoulder to see the man they had run over crawling out from under the car and being helped up by their prisoner. She hoped the note would keep them guessing and give her and Steve some space.  
Natasha leaned her head against Steve’s back, and her arms were wrapped around his middle as he flew down an empty highway. Steve pulled over into the parking lot of an abandoned gas station. Natasha stayed put on the motorcycle while Steve got off and paced. Steve’s forehead creased and wrinkled as began to worry. After a minute, he stopped and looked at Natasha.  
“We don’t have any of our supplies.”  
Natasha nodded. “But we have Sam. So we can get more.”  
Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. Natasha noticed that he was flustered and unusually scared.  
“Steve, we’ve been in countless situations like this. We will figure it out.”  
Natasha reached out and grabbed Steve’s elbow as he paced by her. .  
“We’ll be okay.”  
Steve let out a deep sigh. Natasha pulled Steve closer to her and wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders.  
“Just relax.” She muttered as she hugged him.  
Steve pulled away and smiled at Natasha. She flashed a smile at him.  
“We got each other. Everything will work out.”  
Steve nodded and hopped back on the motorcycle. Natasha wrapped her arms around Steve as he jetted off toward the horizon.  
After hours on the road, Natasha spotted a small abandoned house several hundred yards from the road. Steve veered off the road at her command, and they sped down the dirty road. Natasha checked out the house. There was an eviction notice. She tried to make out the sun-faded words to find the eviction date.  
Steve read the faded paper over her shoulder.  
“It’s dated 1983.”  
Natasha chuckled to herself. “I don’t think anyone will mind us setting up shop here for a day.”  
Steve disappeared and hid the motorcycle. Natasha let herself into the house and began looking around. She stepped into a time capsule. Nothing seemed to have changed since the 70s. Steve came in the back door and saw Natasha captivated by the burnt orange kitchen.  
“Wow. That’s-”  
Natasha interrupted with a grimace on her face. “Too orange.”  
Steve laughed at Natasha’s obvious disgust.  
“Ms. Interior Decorator, what’s wrong with orange.”  
Natasha shot a glare at Steve before chuckling and answering her best Valley Girl accent.  
“In the kitchen, horrid. Get it out of my sight.”  
Natasha grinned at Steve before she broke down in laughter. Her smile warmed Steve’s heart. He loved seeing her genuinely smile. After she composed herself, they wandered upstairs. The upstairs felt more like an attic, but it was cozy. There was a large bed under a giant skylight and a threadbare couch in the otherwise empty room. Natasha tested the bed. It creaked loudly. She made a face at Steve as he pulled off the holey and rat soiled bedding.  
“I’m not sleeping in rat shit, Natasha.”  
The mattress beneath seemed relatively clean, so Natasha plopped down and stretched out. Steve followed suit. Before they knew it, both dozed off. 

Natasha tossed and turned in her sleep. Her dreams plagued by the face of the man at the CIA base.  
Steve shook her away. Natasha stared bleary eyed at Steve whose face hovered near hers.  
“You okay?”  
Natasha nodded and rolled back to her side. She racked her brain trying to figure out why the man let them go. What was his strategy?  
The bed whined under Steve as he shifted on to his side to face Natasha’s back.  
“I can feel you thinking.”  
Natasha rolled over and laid on her back. She stared at the cracking plaster ceiling and then looked to Steve.  
“That man. The one we ran over. I don’t understand why his team would let us go. There’s no rational explanation. They had the upper hand.”  
Steve frowned, staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t know, Nat. We can try to figure that out once we settle back at home.”  
“I want you to do a sketch of him. I want to send it to Sam so he can get started on ID-ing him.”  
Steve shifted on the bed and looked at Natasha. Natasha stared at the ceiling. Her mind was racing. The face burned into her vision. The apathetic eyes that stared her down in the side mirror haunted her thoughts.  
Steve disappeared downstairs to find his sketchbook and a pencil. He was glad he pocketed it instead of putting it away with their things in the backseat. He flitted through the pages looking at the memories it held. He stopped on a sketch from when he and Natasha were fugitives from Hydra. The memory of her being vulnerable with him, showing him that she wasn’t some cold, emotionless assassin was still vivid in his memory. The look in her eyes begged him to trust her, begged him to believe she was capable of good even if she didn’t believe it herself. She opened her heart to him and trusted him, and he hoped he’d never hurt her or break her trust. Too many people had already done that.  
Her words echoed in his mind.  
Would you trust me to do it? To save your life?  
A thousand times over, Natasha had proved her loyalty to him. If he had to be running from the government, he was glad Nat was by his side. He touched the quick portrait of her he had drawn up. Her eyes, a little glossy, begged him to trust her. He trusted her then and even more now.  
Natasha padded down the stairs after Steve had been gone for awhile. He stood with his back to her. She sidled up beside him and caught a glimpse of a sketch of herself.  
“That’s me.”  
Her words slipped out before she could even think.  
Steve nearly jumped out of his skin. He clutched his heart.  
“Shit, Nat! You can’t sneak up on me like that.”  
Natasha smiled at the startled soldier. She did feel bad scaring him like that, but the portrait she saw was more than worth scaring him.  
Steve didn’t snap his sketchbook closed like he usually did when she tried to peek. Her pencil version of herself stared up at Steve.  
“I like that sketch.” Natasha spoke softly.  
Steve felt a blush creep up his neck. “Thanks.”  
“When did you do that one?”  
Steve looked back to the sketch.  
“Running from Hydra at Sam’s house. After our little bonding session.”  
Steve and Nat shared a chuckle.  
“I’m glad you trusted me.”  
Steve closed the sketchbook and turned to Natasha. He flashed a soft smile at her.  
“Me too.”  
Something tugged at Natasha. It pulled her toward Steve, but she fought it.  
The way Natasha looked at Steve with only the moon illuminating her face made his heart skip a beat. So much was said in the looks they exchanged each other. Before anything could happen, Steve tapped the book in his hand against the table, and both he and Natasha snapped out of it.  
“Well, I think we can get that sketch done tonight and then send it to Sam tomorrow.” Steve thought aloud.  
Natasha nodded and followed Steve out onto the porch. The full moon was the only light they had, but it would have to suffice for now. Natasha began giving Steve a description of what she saw, and they pieced together the man they saw. Natasha fell silent as Steve continued to work on the sketch. Steve furrowed his brow as he shaded the contours of the man’s face. Natasha watched as Steve concentrated on the sketch in front of him. He usually didn’t sketch in front of her because he knew she’d try to peek, and he was protective of whatever he drew in there.  
Sketching calmed him. He was jittery and jumpy since they were ambushed, and finally, he felt at peace and clear headed.  
Natasha scooted closer to Steve to watch. He still had a bit more to do before the sketch was finished. She yawned and leaned her head on his shoulder. Steve glanced at the redhead who stared out at the moonlit wilderness. He wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. A quiet moment between the two of them was where he felt most at home. Steve leaned his head on top of hers as he looked at his sketch assessing what needed fixing. A soft smile formed on Natasha’s lips. She wrapped an arm around Steve’s bicep. Her heart was at ease for the first time in a long time. Steve had become a rock for her. She leaned on him whenever things got rough.  
“I think this is it.” Steve muttered.  
Natasha looked down at the sketch. Cold, vacant eyes stared back at her. A chill ran down her spine. Something felt oddly familiar about the man, but she couldn’t place it. Maybe she had crossed paths with him before.


	3. Chapter 3

Natasha sat up in the darkness of the bedroom. She was a light sleeper, so any little noise often roused her from sleep. Her fingers wrapped around the gun under her pillow. She thought she heard the stairs creak, but after waiting for 5 minutes and hearing nothing more, she relaxed.  
The first light of the morning crept into the room, only offering the slightest bit of relief from a long night. That man’s face plagued Natasha’s nightmares. His face was familiar, but she couldn’t but a face to the name.  
Natasha stretched and tried to shake the anxious jitters from her latest nightmare. Her chest tightened as she recalled the face and the chilling silence that followed his arrival. Her stomach fluttered uncomfortably, and her head ran with thoughts of that man’s face. She drowned in her own thoughts. Steve stirred, so she tried to relax and lay back down. He must have sensed her movement because he reached out and grabbed her hand in his sleep. His eyes fluttered open once she settled.  
“Morning.” Natasha whispered, her voice quivering slightly.  
Steve gave her a sleepy grin as his thumb traced absentminded circles in her palm.  
“Come here.” He answered.  
He tugged on her hand and she complied. Steve wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his chest. He could tell she had another nightmare, and that fear and anxiety was getting to her. Before she could say anything, Steve let out a quiet snore. Natasha silently thanked Steve for knowing her so well. Eventually, she relaxed; the weight of his arms grounded her. Feeling his heartbeat against her hand reminded her that they were alive, and that was all that mattered. Steve would be by her side, just like he always was, as they figured this mystery out.  
Natasha must have dozed off because when Steve moved, she jolted awake. Steve chuckled quietly as he brushed a piece of hair out of her face. She stared at him; her eyes trying to focus on what was in front of her.  
“Morning, Nat.” He laughed.  
Natasha groaned.  
Light streamed in from the skylight on to the bed. It flooded through the room and cast a golden glow on everything. Steve’s hair burned bright blonde in the sunlight; his eyelashes barely noticeable.  
Natasha rubbed her eyes as she moved away from Steve to the other side of the bed and got to her feet. He rolled onto his back and stretched. She grabbed her watch and checked the time.  
07:30  
“We need to get going.”  
Steve sat up and grabbed his shoes and baseball cap. In a few seconds, he was ready to go. He turned to Natasha and smirked.  
“Ready.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and disappeared downstairs looking for a bathroom. She stared at the reflection. Her fingers worked through a few knots. She looked worn down, but nothing horrendous. Steve appeared in the doorway and watched.  
“You look fine.” He whined.  
Natasha smirked at him in the mirror.  
“I know.”  
Steve rolled his eyes. In response, Natasha raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips.  
“You, on the other hand, look like a mess.”  
Steve clutched his heart. Natasha stifled a laugh as he pouted and then peeked in to see what he looked like. He ruffled his hair and then turned back to her.  
“Better, I guess.” She mumbled.  
Steve narrowed his eyes at her, and stepped closer to her.  
“Look again, Romanoff.”  
Natasha looked him up and down. She reached out and tried to smooth out a wrinkle on his shirt from sleeping. She could feel his taut muscles tensing and then relaxing under her touch. After a moment, she glanced up at him and then ran her fingers through his hair. Steve stepped back and did a little twirl.  
“It’ll do, Rogers.”  
Natasha finished with her grooming and followed Steve out to the motorcycle. He slid on and then glanced at her. She followed suit.  
“You got everything we brought?” Natasha asked before Steve took off.  
Steve pulled his sketchbook out. “You mean this?”  
Steve slide the notebook back into his jacket and sped down the dirt road back to the highway. 

They spent the next two days in and out of abandoned houses along their route.  
Steve pulled off the road into a small family restaurant parking lot. He hopped off the motorcycle, and Natasha raised a questioning eyebrow.  
Steve glanced at the restaurant before answering her silent question.  
“We haven’t had a real meal for days. I’m starving.”  
Natasha shook her head and smiled. “Alright. I guess we can get some breakfast.”  
Steve flashed her a giddy smile. She hadn’t seen him this excited about food since T’Challa flew in American burgers when they stopped in months ago. She followed Steve into the restaurant. If it weren’t for the quiet mumblings of French by the people around them, it would have been a standard American diner.  
A server flitted over to them and took their order. Natasha answered quickly, hoping the woman wouldn’t look to closely at her or Steve. She wasn’t sure if they were in the media anymore for their crimes against the American government. It had been almost a year since Steve, Wanda, Sam, and herself had fallen off the grid, so she wasn’t sure if they were being actively pursued by large international task forces anymore.  
“Merci.” Natasha muttered as the woman set down their plates.  
Steve nodded and began to wolf down his breakfast. Natasha’s eyes scanned the room for threats. It was a force of habit, but it often proved helpful. Steve glanced up at her as he shoveled food into his mouth. Natasha noticed eyes watching them. Steve was eating too fast. People were either getting suspicious or just thought it was peculiar.  
Natasha reached across the table and pulled on Steve’s hand. He set down his fork and looked at her. He knew she had a reason for the sudden affection, but he still flashed a grin at her. She tried not to smile back when a grin appeared on his lips, but it was no use. Steve toyed with the engagement ring on her finger as she talked quietly to him. 

He remembered the day she pulled that ring out and slid it on her finger before they entered a bar while tailing a target. He remembered her unceremoniously sliding a wedding band on his hand and then dragging him into the bar. She nearly rolled her eyes at him once they left the bar when Steve slid it off her finger and got down on one knee in the snow. He laughed as she tried not to smile after he rambled about all the things he loved about her. He remembered her words after he slid it back on her finger. “I now pronounce us, Mr. & Mrs. America.” She laughed as he got to his feet. 

Natasha watched as Steve’s eyes focused on the ring. Everything was easier if people thought they were married. People didn’t question them speaking in hushed tones or disappearing into a hallway after a target.  
“What are you thinking about?” She asked quietly.  
Steve glanced at Natasha before pushing the ring back and forth on her finger.  
“That night you wore this the first time.”  
Natasha rolled her eyes and pulled away from him with a smirk.  
“Oh you mean the night decided we had to have a story about how we got engaged just in case, because you’re a terrible spy.”  
Steve pursed his lips. “Yes. That night.”  
Natasha smiled. “You rambled about my heart and a bunch of sappy bullshit.”  
Steve frowned. “I wouldn’t say bullshit.”  
Natasha scoffed as she got to her feet. “I’ll go pay for the bill.”  
Natasha drifted off toward the cash register. She handed the woman a few euros and made small talk until the transaction was finished. Steve scarfed down his breakfast as Natasha returned.  
“You ready, Mr. America?”  
Steve smirked. “Are you, Mrs. America?”  
Natasha settled on their motorcycle behind Steve and wrapped her arms around his waist as he took off. 

Steve hollered over the engine. “Where to?”  
“Home.”

Steve sped off toward their HQ. They had been weaving their way across the French countryside to shake off any tails, but it had been 4 days since the incident with the CIA agents, and 3 since the mysterious man at the CIA base. Natasha would have seen a tail by now.  
After hours of driving, Steve veered off onto a decrepit road toward a rundown suburb. They currently lived in an old townhouse just outside of Rouen, about two hours northwest of Paris.  
Sam stood, arms folded across his broad chest, just inside the door of the house waiting for Natasha and Steve to arrive. Natasha hugged Sam as she came in the door. He flashed a grin at his returning friends.  
“It’s been too long, man.” Sam laughed he clapped Steve on the back. “We haven’t seen you two in almost a month.”  
Wanda poked her head out of the kitchen. “Sam, get back in here! Your food is burning.”  
Wanda noticed Natasha and rushed toward her.  
“Nat!” She wrapped her arms around Natasha’s shoulders. “I missed you.”  
Natasha smiled. “I hope not too much. How are things with Vision?”  
Wanda smiled shyly. “It’s good.”

Steve followed Sam into the kitchen. He handed over the sketch of their mystery man in hopes the original would yield different results than the photo Natasha sent over text. Sam moved around the chicken he was cooking as Steve debriefed him on everything that happened since they left just a month ago.  
After Sam insisted Steve and Natasha eat a meal, Natasha disappeared to her bedroom. She collapsed on the bed and let out a heavy sigh. She glanced at her bruised fingers. It had been days since she pried the information out of the CIA agent, but her fingers still ached from the interrogation.  
While she inspected her wounds, she heard Steve padding up the stairs, and she remembered his bruised ribs and his bullet wound. As she snatched up the first aid kit in her room, and went across the hallway, she wondered if the serum had already healed everything up.  
Steve’s door was shut, but Natasha let herself in without asking. Steve glanced at her from his bed and e propped himself up on his arms as she plopped down on the bed beside him. They didn’t speak as she pulled his shirt up and checked his bruised ribs. They were almost healed already, but he still winced as she poked and prodded. Natasha then tugged on his joggers, so she could check out the graze. Steve glanced up at her.  
“What?” Natasha questioned.  
Steve shook his head and pulled the side of his joggers down just enough so she could see the healing wound. It had scabbed over already. It would be fully healed with a day or two.  
“It’s not fair.” She mumbled as she tended to her own cuts.  
“What’s not fair, Nat?”  
Natasha shot a glare at Steve before disinfecting the abrasions on her knuckles and hands.  
“You had bruised ribs and a bullet grazed you and in four days there’s almost no trace; whereas, for me, I punch a guy a few times. The cuts last at least a week and will probably scar AND my hands ache for weeks after that.”  
Steve laughed as he stretched out his arm toward her. “You want some super soldier serum?”  
Natasha shoved his arm away as she laughed. “No, dumbass.”  
Natasha finished disinfecting her wounds and wrapped them with bandages. She set the first aid kit on his nightstand and then pushed him over so she could lay down. She laid her head in the crook of his arm, and soon, both the soldier and the spy dozed off, exhausted from their latest mission. 

After a few hours had passed and there were no signs of Steve or Natasha, Sam peeked his head into Steve’s room. The sight of his two friends, a world class assassin and Captain America, curled up in each others’ arms, made him laugh. Reputations didn’t always fit the people. Wanda was on Sam’s heels and caught a glimpse before Sam could close the door.  
Wanda raised an eyebrow, and Sam handed her 5 dollars. She chuckled.  
“Next time, double.”  
Sam rolled his eyes as he flitted through the file he had wanted to show Cap and Nat.  
“I don’t know why I play this game with you. You are probably stopping them,” He mocked her gestures and did them around her head. “with mind control  
Wanda chuckled. “I wouldn’t stop them. It’ll happen eventually.”  
“Next mission. It’s gonna happen.”  
“Whatever you say, Sam.”  
Wanda’s eyes flashed red.  
“Damnit, Maximoff.”  
Wanda laughed as she followed Sam downstairs. They chatted until Natasha padded into the kitchen; her hair mussed up from sleeping.  
“Nice nap?” Sam muttered as Natasha reached into the refrigerator.  
Natasha glared into the fridge. She slowly emerged from behind the door and stared flatly at Sam.  
“Yes, it was.” She took a sip of milk as Sam watched her. “You wanna go cuddle with him too? It’s very comfy.”  
Wanda stifled a laugh as Steve watched from the archway. Sam rolled his eyes.  
“Honestly Nat, nothing’s ever happened between you two?”  
Natasha scoffed.  
“Me and Steve?”  
Natasha couldn’t say she never thought about it, but one kiss here and there to keep their cover wasn’t something she classified as ‘happening’ between them. Steve was her best friend.  
Steve smirked at Wanda who was barely keeping it together, while Sam narrowed his eyes at Natasha. Steve cleared his throat, and Sam jolted to attention.  
“Sam, we can snuggle if you want. You gotta just ask.” Steve grinned and gestured back upstairs. “My bed is still warm.”  
They all burst into laughter. 

After catching up, everyone disappeared to their bedrooms for the night. Natasha sat alone in the kitchen. She positioned herself so she could see the front and side doors.  
Before he went off to bed, Sam reminded Natasha that they had sensors to detect if anyone came near the house. He promised her he thoroughly checked them, but the uneasy feeling in Natasha’s chest kept her downstairs with her hand rested on her gun. 

Hours passed.  
The house silent.  
Natasha sighed.  
“Maybe it’s all in my head.” She muttered to herself as she slid her gun into the waistband of her sweatpants.  
She moved toward the stairs, and that’s when she heard it.  
A quiet creak on the porch, and then deafening silence.  
Her heart raced. The man was here. She knew it.  
Natasha whipped out her gun and trained it on the front door. She moved slowly and quietly. Her hand trembled as it hovered over the doorknob. She tried to take a deep breath, but her chest only tightened.  
This wasn’t her. She didn’t get scared. Her response to danger was fight, never flight, but she couldn’t shake the intense pull to run and keep running from this man.  
Natasha’s hand steadied as she turned the knob. She burst outside and trained her gun at the figure looming in the shadows of the corner on the porch.  
“Hands up.” Natasha demanded, but her words came out more like a cry than a command.  
The figure didn’t move.  
“I’ll shoot.” She warned.  
Still, the figure stayed rigid, not moving a muscle.  
Natasha felt her stomach drop. Her senses felt overwhelmed by the nothingness of everything around her. The quiet electrical buzz she was so accustomed to hearing gone. The darkness surrounding her was blinding. Her gun felt heavy and frigid in her hands, and her mouth was dry. Her stomach turned.  
Natasha lurched toward the railing of the porch and spew the contents of her stomach into the bushes. Her body then collapsed under her own weight. She looked over toward the figure, and her eyes found nothing.  
No man. Just the shadow of a tree.  
Natasha cursed herself for letting her own fears get the better of her. She was The Black Widow after all. She was better than this, but something about that man shook her to the core.  
As she waited for her strength to return, she wondered if it really was all in her head. She may have overreacted with the shadow, but she was certain she heard the porch creak under someone’s weight.  
As Natasha got back to her feet, light illuminated the stairwell. The light spilled on to the porch and light up Natasha’s face. Steve’s eyes landed on her, and immediately, he rushed outside.  
“What are you doing- You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Are you okay?”  
Natasha nodded and pushed passed Steve. She didn’t want to talk about her irrational fears and the panic attack she just had. Steve wrapped an arm around her waist and helped her walk.  
“What are you doing?” Natasha mumbled as he helped her.  
“Helping you.”  
Natasha rolled her eyes. “I know that, but why?”  
Steve frowned.  
“Well, you seem weak…” His voice trailed off.  
Natasha didn’t have the strength in her to fight him or dispute his claims. He knew her well, so it was no use trying to lie. Steve guided her to the stairs, and when her eyes flitted up trying to assess if she could make it, Steve scooped her up. Natasha tried to object, but Steve shot her a glare.  
Once they were in her room, Steve lowered her onto the bed and pulled her blankets around her. Natasha smiled softly.  
“Thank you.”  
Steve nodded, and then pulled a chair up beside the bed. Natasha watched him questioningly. Once he settled in the chair, he looked back to her.  
“You had a reason to keep watch, so it’s my turn now.”  
Natasha frowned. She didn’t deserve someone like him, but she was grateful for him nonetheless. Her heart weighed heavy in her chest. He was so good to her. She reached out and grabbed the hand that was closest to her.  
“Thank you.” She whispered.  
Steve didn’t respond. He just smiled and intertwined his fingers with hers.  
Steve muttered as she drifted off. “I got you, Nat.”


	4. Chapter 4

Natasha blearily stared into the light streaming into the room. She rolled away from the light and saw Steve. He sketched while she slept.  
Her eyes caught what looked to be a rough sketch of her. He must have not noticed her stirring because he didn’t snap the book closed or move so she couldn’t see its contents.  
“What are you sketching?”  
Steve glanced at her with a soft smile.  
“Good morning.”  
Natasha raised an eyebrow, waiting for his response.  
“You.” He answered.  
Natasha was taken aback by the answer. She figured he’d try to lie, but instead, he just answered with a smile.  
“Why?” was her next question.  
Steve glanced at the picture and laughed.  
“Because I think you’re my muse.” Steve closed the book and turned to face her. “But on a more serious note, what happened last night?”

Natasha’s stomach dropped. The events of the night before washed over her. She bit her lip, not wanting to relive or recount the terror she felt, but knowing Steve deserved and probably needed to know.  
She swung her legs over the side of her bed and faced Steve. He waited patiently until she was ready to talk. Once she settled, she recalled the events of the night and explained what happened. Steve nodded silently as she talked.  
“So you think that man found us?”  
Natasha nodded.  
“But I don’t know.” She paused. “I just have this gut feeling that he knows I’m here. I don’t want Wanda or Sam or you to get hurt.”  
“We can find somewhere else to set up. We’re portable. This was never supposed to be permanent.” Steve reassured Natasha.  
Natasha sighed as Steve patted her leg.  
“I trust your instincts, Nat. Don’t second guess yourself.”  
Steve held out a hand. “Sam made breakfast. You can tell them what happened while we eat.”  
Natasha balked.  
“They are gonna think I’m crazy. I thought a shadow of a tree was a man, Steve." Natasha sighed. "I probably am crazy.”  
Steve grabbed Natasha by the shoulders and knelt down in front of her.  
“You aren’t crazy. If you say you heard someone, Sam and Wanda will trust you. You don’t have to tell them everything, just what they need to know.”

Sam set plates down in front of Wanda, Steve and Natasha before serving himself. Silence filled the room, and Natasha felt Steve grab her hand under the table. He squeezed her hand reassuringly.  
“I think it’s time we find a new HQ.”  
Wanda and Sam both stopped eating and stared at Natasha. They had been in Rouen for almost 9 months now. It may not have been great or the States, but they had become used to the life there.  
“Last night, I believe someone- The man that attacked me and Steve a few days ago in Germany found us.”  
Sam and Wanda took in the information.  
Sam asked, “Did you get a positive I.D.?”  
Natasha frowned and then shook her head. Sam looked confused but didn’t object. Wanda returned to her food with no questions.  
Steve then interjected. “I think we need to regroup and get supplies back in Wakanda and then set up in Germany, outside of Berlin.”  
Sam pursed his lips. “Don’t you think Interpol or some other international or US agency is gonna find us if we set up just outside of the capital?”  
Steve explained, “We can do more good if we are closer to urban areas. That’s where a lot of stuff goes down.”  
Sam nodded; Steve’s answer obviously satisfying is hesitations. Sam then looked to Wanda. She didn’t ask questions. Natasha realized she could just look in her head to know the reason she and Steve wanted to leave. When Wanda had no objections, Sam completely agreed that it was probably the good move.  
As they finished their breakfast, Steve filled everyone in on how they were getting to Wakanda.  
“Sam, you and I are going to drive to Brussels and hop on a flight to Tel Aviv, and then a Wakandan plane is going to pick us up there. Nat and Wanda are going to take the Chunnel into London and then take a flight to Lisbon and a plane will take them to Wakanda. That should keep any agents from tracing us to Wakanda.”  
Natasha nodded.  
“Get your stuff ready we want to be in Wakanda by tomorrow.” Steve ordered.

While the others packed up their things, Natasha went to work on scrubbing the place of any trace of them being there. She dumped their food and anything they couldn't bring with them in the community dumpster, and then wiped everything down with bleach. Her training kicked in, and once she was done, it looked like no one had ever stepped a foot in here.  
Once everyone was packed up and loaded their things on to their respective vehicles, Natasha gave the house one parting look before they took off. Her eyes scanned the house. They naturally landed on where a shadow once loomed over her. She didn’t understand why this man had so much power over her.  
Wanda touched Natasha’s arm. “Hey. We should probably get going.”  
Natasha hopped on the motorcycle.  
“Hold on tight.”  
Natasha sped off toward Paris and then to the Chunnel terminal. They dropped the stolen motorcycle a few meters away from a police station after wiping it down of their prints. Despite Natasha’s advice that it wasn’t worth the risk, Steve was adamant he wanted her to return the motorcycle.  
Natasha lead Wanda toward the ticket terminal. She tugged at the baseball cap she stole from Steve hoping it concealed her face from the cameras. Wanda scanned the crowd making sure no one notice them while Natasha bought their tickets.  
“Merci.” Natasha mumbled as she took the tickets from the attendant.  
Natasha handed Wanda her ticket, and they set off for their train. They kept their heads down, avoiding cameras when they could.  
If they got caught now… Natasha didn’t want to think about that. 

Once they boarded their train, Natasha relaxed a bit. While they weren’t in the clear yet, it would be much easier assessing threats from her back row aisle seat than in the crowded terminal of a giant train station. Wanda leafed through a book as Natasha scanned the passengers.  
Despite appearances, Natasha knew Wanda wasn’t just reading her book. Her powers stretched over the people in the train car. Her powers searched for agents or anyone out for revenge. After a few minutes, Wanda tapped the arm of her seat twice. Natasha nodded knowing her signal for all clear. Finally, she could relax more, even if only for thirty-five or so minutes.  
The train lurched forward, and they were off.  
Thirty-five minutes passed quickly as Natasha and Wanda chatted. 

“How’s everything with Steve?” Wanda asked quietly.  
Natasha brushed off the question. “You know… the usual righteous, morality stuff.”  
Wanda raised an eyebrow, her eyes signalling she wanted a better answer.  
Natasha huffed. She didn’t like being bullied into the truth by Wanda’s powers, but at the same time, it was nice to have that accountability. She was an expert liar, but Wanda was… well Wanda.  
“I don’t know. We teeter toward the unknown all the time. I can’t get a read on him anymore. Everything’s been muddled since the Avengers fell apart. I can’t tell if he’s drowning but hiding it or if he is actually as okay like he projects. Sometimes he’s vulnerable, but most of the time it feels like he just wants to focus on my problems.”  
Wanda nodded.  
Natasha stared forward for a few minutes.  
“Any insight?”  
Wanda grimaced. “Nat, you know I do my best to not get into peoples’ minds. Especially, not yours or Cap’s.”  
Natasha rolled her eyes. “You’re telling me you never even once just peered in to see what was happening up there?”  
Wanda laughed. “Maybe not never, but it’s not my place to stick my hands where they shouldn’t be.”  
“Oh, c’mon. Just tell me one thing.” Natasha whined  
“Just one.”  
“Please?”  
Wanda blurted out, “He sketches you all the time.”  
She quickly covered her mouth, and Natasha sat back in her seat.  
“Huh.”  
Wanda covered her face.  
“I shouldn’t have said anything.”  
Natasha patted Wanda’s leg.  
“It’s fine.” Natasha laughed. “Ya know, he told me I was his muse this morning, so that doesn’t surprise me that much.”  
Natasha mauled over Wanda’s admission. While it didn’t surprise her, she wondered what ‘all the time’ meant to Wanda. If only Steve would let her look at his sketchbook.  
Before she could think too much about that, the conductor announced their arrival over the speakers, and everyone gathered their things and prepared to get off. Natasha scanned the crowds waiting outside.  
She saw police waiting outside, but she couldn’t be sure they were here for them. She tugged on Wanda’s hand and pulled her toward the other exit away from the police. Natasha stepped inside the bathroom and pulled Wanda with her. She pushed Wanda into a stall.  
“I saw police waiting outside the train. We’ll avoid them, but if they are here for us, it’s not gonna be that easy.” Natasha hesitated, taking a deep breath. “We are gonna split up. Okay?”  
Wanda nodded.  
“I’ll meet you outside in ten minutes. Just go two blocks to the left.”  
Wanda hugged Natasha and slipped out of the stall. 

 

After a few minutes, Natasha let herself out of the stall. She settled the baseball cap lower on her head. If the cameras didn't see her face, the police were less likely to find her too. She spotted all the cameras on her route out of the terminal.  
Six cameras between her and the door, but then countless traffic cameras from the station to Heathrow. Natasha analyzed their blindspots and maneuvered so that the cameras never caught her face.  
Natasha had her hand on the door when a policeman jogged toward her.  
“Hello, ma’am.” The officer smiled.  
Natasha smiled back.  
“Have you seen this man?”  
He showed her a picture of Steve. She stifled a laugh. Steve was hundreds of miles away from London, yet for some reason they thought he was here. Sam must have done a good job with covering their tracks. The man glanced at her as she covered her laughter with a cough.  
“Pardon.” Natasha covered her mouth.  
In her best French accent, she talked to the man.  
“Sorry. I have a- rhume.” She paused.  
“English-” She muttered to herself. “C’est un- cold. Cold- I have a cold.”  
Natasha laughed. “Excuse me. I still struggle switching back and forth between English and French. I forget some of the simplest words.”  
The man laughed graciously.  
“I have not seen him.” Natasha finally answered.  
The man nodded. “Thank you for your help.”  
Natasha rushed out the door. She breathed a sigh of relief. She pushed through the crowd and found Wanda. 

The cold London air whipped against their faces. Natasha maneuvered through the commotion and hailed a cab. The cabby nodded as Natasha told him their destination. He weaved into traffic. The drive would take around 1 hour due to traffic, so Natasha and Wanda settled back. Natasha pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to Steve updating him on their travels.  
Natasha couldn’t wait to get back to Wakanda even if it was only for a few days. She needed to be far, far away from her troubles. She needed to relax, but she couldn’t do that because someone had to keep an eye out and watch their backs.  
No one could get to them in Wakanda. T’challa had assured them of that many times

After texting back and forth with Steve for awhile, the cabby cleared his throat. Natasha’s eyes flitted up, and the older man flashed a smile.  
“We will be arriving in 10 minutes.”  
Natasha nodded with a smile and returned to her phone. She sent Steve one last text before he boarded his plane.  
Heathrow teamed with people. Natasha’s stomach turned at the thought of all the camera’s that might catch her face. Natasha tugged on the baseball cap hoping it would hide her face from invasive cameras. Wanda mimicked Natasha’s actions with her own hat. They moved through security with no issue, and within a few hours they were on a plane to Lisbon. During their layover in Lisbon, a Dora Milaje approached Natasha. She led Natasha and Wanda to the private section of the airport. The plane that waited for them was a great relief from the great joys of commercial flights.

Natasha stretched out in one of the recliners on the private jet. Her muscles ached from months of little to no proper rest. She needed this trip back to Wakanda. Before she knew it, she dozed off and slept the rest of the flight.  
As her eyes fluttered open, Natasha heard the pilot tell the Wanda they would be landing in 10 minutes.  
“Do you have an ETA for Captain Rogers?” Natasha asked.  
The Dora Milaje nodded. “His Majesty said they have already landed.”  
Natasha nodded. She was happy to know Steve was safe in Wakanda now.  
Natasha gathered her things as the plane landed. Wanda grabbed her stuff and rushed off the plane. Natasha followed her lead. She found Steve waiting for her on the run-way. She smiled. Steve grabbed her stuff once she reached him.  
“So how was your travels?”  
Natasha sighed. “Tiring. A policeman showed a picture of you. They thought you were in London.”  
“Sam’s getting good at throwing them off.” Steve laughed.  
Natasha quipped, “But I taught him everything he knows.”

Even though they were only apart for just over a day, Steve missed Natasha. He couldn’t really explain why. He just did. She had been part of his daily life for years now.  
Natasha glanced at him as Steve went silent. He half smiled at her in response.  
“I missed you.”  
Natasha rolled her eyes and tried to hide the blush she felt creeping up her neck.  
Steve laughed and shook his head. He didn’t know why had to say something, but it just felt right in the moment.  
Natasha nudged Steve in the side as they walked.  
“I guess I missed you too, Rogers.”  
Steve’s grin grew a bit. He bumped her back with his arm. Natasha looked up at him with a smile. Her eyes twinkled in the moonlight as she looked at him.  
Steve wondered how they got this far. A few years ago Natasha would have never admitted missing him. She had been trained to be detached, but everything changed when they went on the run from Hydra. She showed him a vulnerable side. She trusted him, and he trusted her. They became dependent on each other. They formed a bond, a friendship, a relationship; something entirely different anything from Steve had ever experienced. He knew Natasha had his back, and he had Natasha’s. 

The two of them against the world.


	5. Chapter 5

After Natasha got settled in her room in the palace’s guest wing, Steve poked his head in.  
He stood half in the room. His eyes watched Natasha as she sat cross legged on her bed. She flipped through a file Sam had given her. Her fingers absentmindedly ran through the ends of her red curly hair as she read. Steve tried to remember the last time he saw those curls. She didn’t often let it stay in its natural state.  
Steve cleared his throat. Natasha’s eyes snapped up and found Steve watching her.  
“How long have you been standing there?”  
Steve snorted. “Long enough.”  
Natasha narrowed her eyes at the soldier.  
“Well, what do you want, Rogers?”  
“I’m gonna go see Buck…” Steve paused. “If you wanna come with.”  
Natasha’s expression softened and searched Steve’s eyes for a moment.  
Shuri had made some progress with Bucky’s brainwashing codes, but there had also been set backs. His memory was spotty. Shuri assured Steve it was only temporary, but the look in his eyes told her he was worried Bucky would be a completely different person once Shuri was done with him.  
“I’ll come down in a bit.” Natasha answered. “I’m almost finished reading this file.”  
Steve left with a faint smile.  
“I’ll meet you down there.” He called through door.  
Natasha laid back against the headboard. Like Steve, she wondered and worried about Bucky.  
Would Bucky ever be the person she or Steve knew? Her heart hurt thinking of the man she knew in the Red Room. He cared for her in a way no one had before. He protected her. Bucky showed her what family could feel like, but would he ever be like that again?  
Would he even remember her?

Natasha scanned through the rest of the file and then ran down to find Steve waiting outside Shuri’s lab.  
“Hey.” Steve waved. “Shuri said he’s been out of cryo for a few weeks with no relapses.”  
Natasha half smiled. “That’s good.”  
Steve held the door open for Natasha, and they descended into the lab.  
Shuri buzzed around the room, probably working on her latest tech. She barely noticed as Steve and Natasha entered.  
“He’s down in room 3.” Shuri called after them as they continued to go lower in the lab.  
Steve lead the way toward the room. Natasha touched his arm before they got to the door.  
“It’s gonna be okay.”  
Steve nodded. “I know.”  
Natasha pulled on Steve’s arm and turned him toward her.  
“He’s a strong man. Everything is gonna turn out alright.”  
Steve sucked in a breath. Natash rubbed his arms. His forehead wrinkled as he frowned. Natasha touched Steve's cheek and then pulled him into a hug.  
“You go in and see him first.” Natasha whispered as they hugged.  
Once she let Steve go, she said, “I’ll be right out here if you need me.”  
Steve quickly hugged her again and then let himself into the room.  
Natasha let out a sigh once Steve disappeared into the room. She heard their muddled voices, and she grinned. Steve deserved to have his best friend back. She leaned back against the wall across from the door. She thought about her own time with Bucky.  
Bucky had changed her life from the first moment they met. She was only a child when he walked into the Red Room. He was a strange man, but he was her instructor. He took her under his wing. He cared for her and protected her from the evils of the Red Room, but then one day he was gone. That was the day she walked away from the Red Room and never looked back.  
Steve poked his head out of the door. Her eyes focused on him. She flashed a smile to hide the sinking feeling in her chest. Thinking about her past made her feel like she was drowning.  
“Come in. I want you to talk to him.”  
Natasha bit her lip and walked through the door. Buck sat on an oversized chair across from the door. He scrambled to his feet as she entered the room. Her eyes scanned him. He looked so… normal. His eyes looked less haunted or sunken in. He looked healthy. He looked almost exactly as she remembered all those years ago, except the long hair.  
“Hi.” Bucky spoke.  
Natasha held back a smile. “Hi, Bucky.”  
Steve knew a little bit about her past, but she didn’t talk about her time with Bucky. She never thought she’d have to face them both, especially not at the same time.  
“So Steve tells me you are his partner.”  
Natasha nodded as she sat down beside Steve.  
“I do all the work. He’s just a pretty face.”  
Steve elbowed her in the side as Bucky laughed.  
“I’m pretty sure it’s the other way, Natasha.”  
Bucky’s eyes focused on her a bit more. She couldn’t tell if he remembered her. She hoped he did, but at the same time, she hoped he didn’t. Natasha drew her legs up on the couch and leaned against Steve. If she made herself smaller, maybe he wouldn't focus on her as much.  
“I’d love to hear stories about little Steve.” Natasha smiled.  
Steve groaned. “You better not, Buck.”  
Bucky chuckled. “I don’t remember them all, but I think I can manage.”  
Bucky started in on a story about a time Steve tried to pick up a girl at Coney Island. Steve talked about some of their best times, and Bucky nodded along. Natasha could tell the memories were still fuzzy by the way Bucky focused on Steve while he rambled. She could see Bucky trying to memorize every word Steve was saying. 

Steve and Bucky said their goodbyes when they realized it was getting late. Natasha slipped out and waited for Steve in the hallway.  
“You never were a good flirt, huh?” Natasha muttered as she nudged Steve in the side.  
Steve narrowed his eyes at her.  
“I’ve gotten better.”  
Natasha shook her head.  
“I don’t know, Rogers.”  
Steve huffed and stared straight ahead.  
“Oh c’mon, Steve!” Natasha scoffed. “Did that really hurt your feelings?”  
Steve chuckled. “I have gotten better though?”  
Natasha huffed. “Yeah.”  
Steve rambled on about Bucky for a few more minutes until Natasha realized she had left her phone downstairs.  
Natasha interrupted, “Hey, I left my phone downstairs. I’m gonna run down there and get it. I’ll be right back.”  
Steve continued on without her. She ran down to Bucky’s level and nearly smacked into someone. Arms reached out and steadied her as she skidded to a stop.  
“Hi again. You left your phone.” Bucky spoke with a slight smirk on his lips.  
“Yeah. Thank you.” Natasha mumbled trying to avoid his eyes.  
As Natasha turned to go back up stairs, Bucky said, “Do you want to come and talk?”  
Natasha stared at him blankly, but followed as he turned toward his room.  
“How have you been?”  
Natasha feigned confusion. Bucky frowned.  
“Itsy Bitsy?”  
Natasha tried to hold back a smile, but it was no use. Bucky moved toward her and wrapped her in a hug. She settled in his arms, remembering all the times he comforted her after training sessions or missions .  
“I’m managing.” Natasha paused as she sat down beside him. “How have you been?”  
Bucky smiled. “Well, the fact that I’m almost free of the brainwashing is amazing.”  
After a moment of silence, Bucky spoke up again.  
“So I figured you haven’t told Steve much about the Red Room.”  
Natasha bit her lip. “Yeah. I don’t like to relive it. I’ve never really mentioned you being my instructor.”  
Bucky nodded. “I understand. I’m still working through everything too. There are still a lot of gaps in my memory, but I remember important stuff which is really all that matters right now.”  
Natasha reminisced about some of the better times she and Bucky had shared.  
Natasha’s phone buzzed. Steve had sent her a couple texts asking where she was. She looked to Bucky.  
“I gotta go.”  
Bucky nodded with a smile. “Don’t be a stranger.”  
Natasha smiled back at him as she let herself out of his room.  
She let out a sigh. The idea that her Bucky was still in there washed away most of her worries, but it also brought on more tension. Steve needed to know more about her past. She couldn’t hide her connection to Bucky from him anymore.  
When Natasha got to Steve’s room, her hand hovered over the handle. She wasn’t sure she was ready to face him or her past, but before she could run off to her room, Steve opened the door.  
“Hello.”  
“Hi.”  
Natasha’s heart rate jumped. Steve opened the door wider, inviting her in, but Natasha stayed in the hallway. She fiddled nervously with her hands.  
“I was just coming to say goodnight.”  
“Goodnight.” Steve smiled.  
Natasha smiled sheepishly as she backed away from him. “Goodnight.”  
Steve laughed as he waved when Natasha backed into her door. She disappeared behind it and rolled her eyes. She felt like a bumbling idiot. Sometimes Steve made her do stupid things. She couldn’t understand why he had that effect on her.  
Natasha rolled into her bed, still chiding herself for not telling Steve about Bucky right then. Steve deserved to know. Scenarios of telling Steve bounced around her mind until she fell asleep.

The first light of the morning shone into Steve’s room. He rolled out of bed and poked his head out of the window. The sky was painted in saturated shades of orange, pink, and purple, and the sun shone behind the mountains. Steve knew Natasha had a better view of the sunrise, so he padded over to her room. The door creaked as he let himself in. He found her curled up on a loveseat staring at the sunrise.  
“Come sit.” Natasha called as he entered the room.  
Steve complied and plopped down beside her. She had a cup of coffee in her hands. He stared at her for a moment trying memorize her features and how the golden light made her glow. Moments like this were few and far between, and he wanted to remember them.  
Natasha reached for something out of Steve’s view. She pulled out another cup of coffee and handed it to Steve.  
“Mmm.” He hummed after he took a sip. “Thanks.”  
They sat in silence watching the sunrise above the mountains. Steve wished he could snap a picture of this moment, so he could remember it forever.  
For a short time, they had no one relying on them. They had no obligations. They could enjoy a sunrise together with no pretense. He wished life hadn’t dealt him these cards.  
A life as a national hero. Always in public scrutiny.  
Or this new life. A life on the run. Always watching his back.  
But when Natasha looked at him, he couldn't help but think he would not have met her if it weren’t for this life. He wouldn’t have met anyone he had come to know and love.  
Sam. Wanda. The Avengers.  
The list could go on. He had met amazing people because of this life. 

Natasha turned to face Steve.  
“Bucky was one of my instructors in the Red Room.”  
Steve stared at her. The admission caught him off guard. Both Bucky and Natasha seemed like they didn’t know each other when they spoke the previous night, but they were both spies.  
“He was brought on when I was 10, and he was my instructor until I was 18.”  
Steve listened intently as Natasha talked. As she talked, peace washed over Natasha. Steve’s presence made her feel at ease. By the look on his face, she knew he wasn’t upset.  
“He was-” Natasha paused. “He changed my life.”  
Natasha’s voice shook slightly. Steve reached out and grabbed her free hand. He ran his thumb across her knuckles to comfort her.  
“I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for him.”  
Natasha paused waiting for the lump in her throat to subside.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him before. I- I don’t like talking about my past. I’ve spent the last decade trying to atone and forget about every terrible thing I’ve done, and it felt like if I talked about it…” Natasha hesitated. “You might not see me the same.”  
Steve squeezed Natasha’s hand as he gave her a reassuring smile.  
“Nothing can change how I feel about you, Nat.”  
Natasha bit her lip knowing there were things in her past; things that would make Steve’s skin crawl.


	6. Chapter 6

The next two days flew by. Before Natasha knew it, she was flying the team to their new base in Germany. There were only a few more hours before they arrived to their new HQ.  
After travelling several hours to Berlin, Natasha landed the Wakandan quinjet a few hundred yards away from their new home.  
The old farmhouse was a stark contrast to the city in the distance. It offered them anonymity while keeping them close to the city. Natasha had used it before on missions. It had once been a SHIELD safehouse, but it got decommissioned and sold more than a decade ago. The old farmer who took care of the land when it was a SHIELD safehouse owned the land now.  
Natasha jogged up to the farmer.  
“Hi, Daniel!”  
The sun beaten farmer smiled and hugged Natasha.  
“It’s good to see you, Natalia.” The man held her at arm’s length. “You look good!”  
Natasha graciously smiled.  
“I assume you remember the privacy SHIELD demanded.”  
“We need the same, if not more. Anything to hide our presence or at the very least identities.”  
The farmer nodded. “Anything for you.”  
He lead the team into the house.  
“On the 3rd level are three bedrooms. Go through the closet and up the stairs on the 2nd floor.” Daniel explained. “I’m sorry I cannot provide a fourth room up there.”  
Natasha nodded. “It’s okay, Daniel.”  
The farmer’s sun-beaten forehead creased in concern.  
“Space is limited up there. If you were to stay in the second level, each of you could have your own rooms.”  
Natasha shook her head.  
“We need the privacy of the 3rd floor.”

Natasha took the lead and showed the team their rooms. Sam and Wanda claimed the separate rooms before Natasha and Steve could get a word in.  
Steve chuckled and opened the door for Natasha.  
“I guess this is home.” Steve mused.  
Natasha chuckled her eyes landing on the double bed in the center of the room.  
“So cozy.”  
Steve dropped his stuff in the corner and then sat down on the edge of the bed.  
“I can sleep on the floor if you want the bed.”  
“Steve.” Natasha scoffed and shook her head.  
He glanced up at her with a shy expression on his face. Natasha rolled her eyes.  
“We have slept in the same bed on missions for years. This isn’t any different.”  
Steve shrugged. “This is just more long term. I really don’t mind sleeping on the floor if you want your own space.”  
Natasha glared at Steve. She didn’t see why this should be any different than previous times they shared a bed, but at the same time, she saw his point. They never shared the same bed day in and day out. No one knew how long they would be at this farm house. 

Steve began unpacking his things as Natasha mauled over his proposition.  
“Are you scared of sleeping with me long term, Steven?”  
Steve’s shoulders heaved as he let out a sigh. Scared wasn’t the word he would say. He was more concerned about his own demons, his own nightmares that kept him awake at night. He was the leader. There was a kind of weakness in being afraid to sleep that he hated. He worried Natasha might see him differently if she woke up to him crying or unable to sleep because of his fears and anxiety.  
“No.”  
Natasha noticed the hesitation, but didn’t push it.  
“If you want to sleep on the floor,” She paused, “but the bed is always open.”

Steve nodded and grabbed some blankets to construct a makeshift bed. Once he was done laying out the blankets, Natasha and Steve found the rest of their team.  
“We are going to do a bit of scouting in the city.” Natasha explained.  
“Sam, you reach out to some contacts and find out about anything that we can work with. Wanda, when are you going to meet up with Vision again?”  
Wanda glanced at her feet. She seemed a bit bashful about her relationship with the android.  
“I was hoping to go for a few days once we got settled here.”  
Natasha nodded.  
“You should go now. We probably won’t need you for a few days.”  
Wanda smiled and hugged Natasha and Steve.  
“Thank you.” She muttered to Natasha.  
Once Wanda was out of earshot, Natasha muttered to Sam.  
“Keep an eye on her. I want to make sure she’s safe. I don’t want to lose anybody.”

Berlin bustled with people leaving work and heading home. Steve and Natasha pushed their way through the crowds. They found a coffee shop and sat down at their sidewalk tables.  
Steve sipped his coffee peered at the people moving around them while Natasha scanned the crowds; both their eyes and ears scanned for any sign of trouble or useful information. Natasha and Steve chatted idly while she continued to analyze the crowds.  
“We should keep moving.” Natasha muttered.

Steve left a tip and followed Natasha’s lead. They weaved through the people. Steve noticed Natasha biting her lip and her eyes darting around. She seemed frustrated or concerned they hadn’t happened upon any crime or information. He wondered why she hadn’t called ahead to a contact to find out about the criminal underworld in Berlin. Steve touched Natasha’s arm and pulled her out of the foot traffic.  
Natasha glared at him.  
“What’s going on?”  
Natasha looked puzzled.  
“You usually have contacts, and they tell you about what’s going on. But you seem lost.”  
Natasha glanced passed Steve watching people pass them. She tugged on the hem of her shirt and then pulled her jacket a little closer to her body. She rocked back and forth on her heels and avoided Steve’s eyes. Steve grabbed her arm in an effort to make her focus on him, and her eyes finally met his.  
Natasha sighed and gave him a flat look.  
“No one’s answering my calls.”  
Steve cocked his head to the side.  
Natasha’s reputation usually made contacts quick to answer because making the Black Widow wait for intel was pretty much a cardinal sin.  
Natasha glanced passed Steve again and then grabbed his hand and pulled him along. Something about staying still in this city made Natasha anxious. 

After a few hours strolling the city, Natasha and Steve returned to the farmhouse. They went about their usual business. Steve checked in with Sam while Natasha helped Daniel put the quinjet in the big barn at the back of the property. 

Natasha felt uneasy as she sat down on the bed in her room for the first time since they arrived. She had kept busy since they landed. Her and Steve scouted the city, she helped Daniel tend to a few things around the farm and then hacked the Berlin Police’s database. 

No one knew they were here. 

No one knew they were here. 

Natasha repeated that statement to herself over and over again. 

No one knew they were here. 

No one knew they were here. 

Everytime she muttered that phrase it felt less and less true. Her instincts told her something was off. She couldn’t put a finger on what it was, but something wasn’t right.

Steve slipped into the room. Natasha was curled up reading a file that Sam had dropped off with her a few hours again.  
“Whatcha reading?”  
Steve smiled as Natasha glanced up at him.  
“Sam’s file on a Berlin crime ring.”  
She fell silent after her gaze returned to the file. Steve plopped down on the bed beside her and started reading over her shoulder. Natasha’s eyes struggled to focus on the words with Steve’s face so close to hers.  
“You know how I feel about people reading over my shoulder, Rogers.”  
Steve chuckled and then pecked her cheek before moving across the room. Natasha’s stomach fluttered. Her fist itched to plow into his face.  
“Don’t do it or you might get strangled.”  
Natasha laughed.  
“I trained you well, young grasshopper.”  
Steve shot a glare at her. Natasha sensed his confusion, and her focus on him intensified.  
“You do know what that’s from right?”  
He nonchalantly shrugged.  
“STEVE.”  
Steve tried not to laugh as Natasha moved down the bed closer to him.  
“Steve Rogers!”  
He grinned at her as she looked completely devastated he didn’t understand her reference.  
“Steve, why do you have to tell me these kind of things when I don’t have access to Netflix to educate you. Steve, that really hurts.” Natasha whined with a slight smirk.  
Steve rolled his eyes.  
“You’re a dork.”  
Natasha pouted.  
“Kung-Fu is a CLASSIC, Rogers. Did you hear me? A classic!”

After Steve ignored her exclamations about being cultured and his age, Natasha returned to her spot and the file. She mauled over the ring’s warrants and alleged crimes. They weren’t big time. The Berlin Police could catch them if they tried. They weren’t mastermind criminals.  
Natasha was looking for a bigger crime ring. Someone well connected that she could use some old undercover training on and then topple their regime. She missed undercover infiltration. She was more than just a blunt force object used to kill. She had a delicate touch perfect for conning well connected men. 

Natasha found Sam in his room, pouring over more information and constructing files for her and Steve to read.  
“Hey.” Sam’s eyes flitted up to her. “This crime ring is too small. I want someone well connected that the government and the police can’t or won’t touch. Think corrupt bureaucrats or mafia kinda people.”  
Sam nodded and focused back on his work. 

Natasha returned to her bedroom. Steve was sprawled out in the corner sketching as he usually did before bed. Natasha assumed sketching calmed his mind, so it made sense to do it at night. She watched him from her bed. He didn’t seem to even notice her prying gaze. 

“Goodnight, Rogers.” Natasha muttered as she pulled the covers over her body.  
Steve glanced up at Natasha as she settled in for the night.  
“Goodnight, Romanoff.” He answered back

Steve’s mind raced. He wondered what was going through Natasha’s head at the moment. Natasha had always been reserved and didn’t talk or show much of what she was feeling, but something was different. Steve could sense the uneasiness radiating off her. She seemed constantly tense and ready for a fight. While he knew that was second nature because of her training, this tenseness wasn't normal. She seemed afraid.  
There had been only few times Steve had ever seen Natasha scared of anything. When they talked about that night she said that man was at their house, the fear in Natasha’s eyes terrified Steve. She didn’t even seem to understand why this unknown man affected her like that. 

Steve had dozed off while sketching, and his face was planted in his sketchbook. Natasha’s eyes, still bleary the tears from her latest nightmare, focused the sleeping soldier. She smiled at the sight of pencil marks smudged on his face. After a moment of watching Steve peacefully sleep, his face twisted and contorted. Natasha watched a tear escaped from his tightly closed eyes. His fists balled up as he whimpered in his sleep. 

Natasha climbed out of bed and moved silently toward Steve. She sat down beside him on the floor and touched his back lightly. He flinched as another tear escaped through his eyelashes. It hurt her heart to see him like this. He had been very closed off recently. She still didn’t fully know how he was taking the downfall of the Avengers. He always put on a strong front.  
Natasha reached and slid his sketchbook out from under his head and put his pillow there. Steve seemed to settle a little, but his body still trembled. She wiped away a tear from his cheek before returning to her bed. Natasha knew that sometimes people need to work through their nightmares instead of waking up from them. She wasn’t sure if Steve was one of those people, so she couldn’t do much for him beside making him a bit more comfortable.  
Maybe one day they could talk about old war stories and not fall apart, but at the moment, some memories still stung too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It's Bethany here.  
> I'm sorry it's been awhile since I updated this fic. I recently lost a family member, and things have been crazy since. I haven't been able to sit down and write, but I'm back now. I'm excited for where this story is going! I hope you are too.   
> Thank you so much for the support!  
> xx


	7. Chapter 7

Steve awoke in a daze. The nightmares made his head swim. He tried to focus on something.   
Natasha sat on the end of the bed; her hair wet from a shower. Her eyes were closed as she concentrated on weaving her locks around each other. Once she finished, she opened her eyes to see Steve watching her.   
“Good morning.” Steve mumbled.  
Natasha nodded and then disappeared from the room. Steve rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling. Things were getting more and more muddy between them. They were closer than ever. Natasha wasn’t so independent anymore. They both depended on each other. Something had begun to shift over the passing months, but Steve couldn’t put his finger on what had changed.

Natasha perched in a chair in the small family room upstairs. The house was quiet. Everything should have been peaceful, but that unexplainable anxiousness sat on Natasha’s chest. Steve appeared from their room and plopped down in the chair next to her. Both were too deep in their own thoughts to make conversation.   
Natasha glanced over at Steve. Her thoughts ran to his nightmare the previous night.   
The trembling. The tears.  
She worried about him. He put on such a brave face and held everything in. Natasha wondered when it would all come out. No one could hold all that sorrow and turmoil forever. She hoped she could be there when the floodgates opened. 

After awhile, Natasha pulled out her laptop and combed through old Hydra files she had released to the public almost 3 years ago.   
They were in Germany after all. Maybe they could find a bureaucrat or anyone with ties to Hyrda that didn’t get taken down. She spent hours reading through files trying to find old Hydra hotspots or maybe a name. 

Her eyes fluttered closed. They were tired from hours of reading. She forced herself to look for a few more minutes.   
That’s when she found it.   
A German bar she remembered seeing during her and Steve’s scouting. It was marked as a Hydra safehouse. The file was from the 90s, but Natasha decided to take a chance. She ran to her room to change her clothes into something a bit more revealing. Old and powerful men would eat her up. She had a pretty face and that’s all that mattered to them. Natasha was giddy with excitement. It had been awhile since she got to dress up and work the loose-lipped men for information.

Steve knocked on the door.   
“Come in.” Natasha spoke  
Steve slipped in. His eyes landed on the open back of her dress. His eyes snapped up to the mirror Natasha stood in front of.   
“Tha- What are you wearing that for?”  
Natasha turned around with a smirk.   
“I’m going out.” She paused, “I found something that might lead us to Hydra affiliated criminals. There is a bar in Berlin that was a Hydra safe house in the 90s, and it's still in business.”  
Steve nodded as she spoke.   
“I’ll come with you.”  
Natasha shook her head.   
“You’re Captain America. If anyone important is there, they will know your face.”  
Steve frowned. He didn’t like the idea of her going anywhere by herself.   
“I should come to keep an eye out while you are inside.”

Natasha shrugged and turned around again to do any last minute adjustments. Steve’s eyes fell to the back of her dress again. Her strong and taut muscles moved as she tugged on her dress and adjusted her necklace. She mesmerized him.   
Obviously, he recognized she was beautiful, but he started to understand why she was so good at her job. Something about her enchanted him. His eyes lifted to meet hers in the mirror. She noticed his gaze, but she only smiled in response.   
The odd shift came to his mind again. There was something distinctly different about their relationship since they became fugitives. 

Natasha brushed passed him, and Steve followed her downstairs to the car Daniel had provided for them. Steve got into the driver side as Natasha slid into the passenger seat. Her eyes briefly met Steve’s for a moment. He trained his eyes on the road ahead and pulled out on to the darkened road.   
Silence fell over them. Natasha stared out at the city ahead of them. She missed this part of her job.   
The dresses, the gossip, the tease... 

Her mind went back to the times when seduction was one of the main parts of her job. She didn’t miss that. She had control over her body now; no one told her what to do with it anymore. She could tease, but she wouldn’t give it all away.

Steve cleared his throat, and her thoughts snapped back to the present.  
“You look beautiful.”  
Natasha rolled her eyes and smiled as she stared out the window.  
“Thanks, Rogers.”  
Natasha chuckled. “I saw you appreciating it earlier.”   
Steve pursed his lips. He hoped she hadn’t noticed the effect she had on him.   
“Sorry.” He mumbled.  
Natasha looked over at him. Steve barely met her eyes.   
“I’m used to it.”  
Steve frowned as his eyes found the road again. He didn’t want to be grouped with the men who ogled her body.   
“I am sorry.” Steve spoke up. “You are so much more than just-”  
“My body?” Natasha interrupted.  
Steve nodded. “Yes. Your personality-”  
Natasha laughed. “Steve, I’m gonna stop you there. You are getting dangerously close to a cliche. I know that my body is what most people see. I wouldn’t have become who I am if it weren’t for it. I understand the draw. It’s okay. I know you see me for more than just that. It doesn’t bother me.”

Steve tried to find the right words. He wanted her to know that he saw her for her. He knew her heart. That’s what he drew him to her. It’s what made them so close. They may have had very different backgrounds and morals, but her heart… there was a special kinship between them because of their hearts.  
Steve pulled the car in front of the bar, and Natasha smiled at him.   
“This is me. I’m not sure how long I’ll be there.”

Natasha shed her jacket at the front door, and stepped into the bar. The room opened up below her. The entrance was almost like a stage. Natasha stood at the top of the stairs for a moment and scanned the room. Eyes fell on her. She could feel the predatory gazes. What Steve didn’t understand was that his gaze wasn’t predatory. There was no lust in his eyes. Steve was in awe of her. If he could see the men in this bar, he would know he was nothing like them. 

Natasha descended into the bar and made a b-line for the bartender.  
She ordered, “A whiskey. Neat.”  
She leaned against the bar and looked around the room. So many middle-aged men stealing glances at her. She tried to assess which ones were worthy targets.   
The bartender slid her drink to her. She downed it in a gulp and ordered another. Her eyes scanned the men sitting at the bar. One man chatted animatedly with the two men on either side of him. His hair grayed on the sides. He had very old German look to him. When the man reached for his drink, the hem of his untucked shirt road up, and she briefly caught a glimpse of what may have been a Hydra tattoo on his side. The men took their drinks and moved to a booth near the back.   
Natasha chose her target. She sipped her whiskey and watched the man from her barstool.   
After a few minutes, her target noticed her gaze. She flashed a coy smile before turning away. She stole glances at him, and he obviously noticed. He called a server and nodded toward her. When the server approached her, he handed her a whiskey and a napkin with some scribbling on it. She downed the rest of her whiskey and then sipped the complimentary drink. She nodded toward the man after she took a sip.   
One of the friends stumbled over to her. He babbled incoherently in German. She smiled as she tried to make out his mumbled words. He grabbed her hand and tugged her towards their table. She giggled as she fell into a chair across from the three men.   
“Hi, I’m Sasha. You are?”  
The man took Natasha’s hand and kissed it. “I am Klaus Battenberg.”  
Natasha grinned. She could already tell Klaus was a man who wanted to feel important to feel superior. The way he said his name with confidence and pride only further confirmed her suspicious.  
“Isn’t Battenberg the German name for the British Mountbatten? ”  
The man flashed a toothy grin.   
“You know your surnames.”  
Natasha blushed. “I’m a huge history buff. I imagine you are well connected, Lord Battenberg.”  
Klaus smirked. “Lord Battenberg- I like that.”  
“You are of noble and royal blood. Everyone should be referring to you in the correct manner.”  
Klaus sat a bit straighter and puff his chest a bit.   
“You are a smart girl, Sasha. If only they hadn’t abolished the nobility after World War I.” Klaus’s face flushed with disgust. “Spineless men afraid to stand up to the rest of the world. I would be treated as a god if noble names meant anything anymore.”

Natasha had found the right man. He was exactly who she was looking for.   
A man still caught up in the Hydra ideology.   
Klaus chugged his Russian and smirked at Natasha.   
“Sasha, would you like the VIP section of this bar? It’s old. Been around since the Second World War.”  
Natasha nodded excitedly and followed Klaus into the back.   
They passed through a cramped hallway. Klaus gripped her hand a little tighter. The hallway opened into a large room. A Hydra’s symbol stared her in the face. She squeezed Klaus’s hand.   
“Isn’t that Hydra?”  
She paused and turned in a circle staring at the room around her. She looked to Klause excitedly.   
“Was this a Hydra hideout? I thought they were all gone.”  
Klaus smiled. “No. I saved a few since Shield tried to destroy Hydra.”  
Natasha grinned. “I love it! I love Nazi history.”  
Klaus moved toward Natasha and pushed her up against the wall. He pressed his body against her, holding her in place. Natasha didn’t fight him. Her instinct wanted to push him off, but she couldn’t compromise herself when he so easily let her in. His hand roamed all over her body. She squirmed when his hand slipped between her skin and the dress. The old wooden planks scratched her skin as he pushed her against the wall. Klaus pushed against her harder, making her stay still as his lips roamed. She grimaced as splinters lodged themselves in her back. After a few minutes of heavy kissing, Natasha managed to push him off without incident. Klaus walked her to the door and gave her a parting pat on the butt and a sloppy kiss before letting her leave. 

Natasha shuddered at the feeling of Klaus’s hands all over her.   
After walking a bit, she found Steve sitting in the car a few blocks away. She settled in the passenger seat. She could feel the splinters in her back. She pulled down the visor to check her face. Her lips were swollen, and red lipstick was smudged all around her mouth. Steve glanced over to see her trying to wipe away the red smudges. Anger and frustration surged through his body. He could have prevented whatever happened if she had just let him tag along. He bit his tongue knowing his ranting wouldn’t help anything.   
After his emotions died down, he asked, “How’d it go?”   
Natasha closed the mirror and looked out the window.   
“Good. Already have a target.”  
Steve nodded.   
Natasha was quieter than usual. He wondered what happened. 

Steve pulled up to the farmhouse and let Natasha out. She walked up the house alone. Once Steve hid the car, he retreated to their floor. Natasha stood in Sam’s doorway filling him in on the target and asking him to make a dossier for Klaus. She turned when she heard Steve enter the room.   
Natasha slipped into their room before Steve followed her. She stood at the dresser as she tied her hair up and took off her jewelry.   
Steve pretended to be scanning the file on the bedside table. He watched her as she took off her makeup. That was his Natasha. She didn’t have to put any airs with him.   
Natasha stared at her reflection for a moment. Her heart sank. She hated being an object to men to rough up and abuse. She used to thrive on the attention and abuse all the same. It was validation before.   
Now… she knew what real affection was. She knew she deserved better.   
Steve noticed the change in her expression. He walked up behind her and touched her back.  
“You good?”  
Natasha winced as Steve pressed splinters deeper into her skin. Her eyes snapped up to his as he noticed the pain on her face. She hoped to deal with the splinters on her own, but the look on Steve’s face as he pulled the coat she had hiding it off her shoulders told her he wouldn’t be having that.   
“What happened?” Steve asked as he looked at her back and the angry red skin.   
Natasha sighed. “The target ambushed me.”  
Steve could tell she was skirting around saying what really went down, but he knew what she meant. Steve looked at her back again.   
“Are those splinters?”

Steve disappeared into the hallway bathroom and grabbed a first aid kit. Natasha stood at the foot of the bed when Steve returned. The look in her eyes when he returned made his heart hurt. She looked sad and frustrated. He wished she would talk about what was bothering her so much.  
Natasha slipped her arms out of the dress and then laid down on the bed. Steve sat down beside her and began to clean the scratches. Natasha took a deep breath as Steve began to pull splinters from her back.   
Natasha watched him out of the corner of her eye. She felt so exposed, but Steve stayed focused on his task. 

“Thank you.” Natasha mumbled.   
Steve shook his head.   
“It’s what I’m here for.”   
Natasha nearly rolled her eyes. Steve had a nasty habit of being unbearably cliche, but his words were always genuine.   
Steve continued, “If I can’t be there to protect you, I can at least take care of you after the fact.”  
Natasha sighed. “You’re too good to me.”  
Steve let out an exasperated chuckle.   
“You deserve goodness, Natasha.”  
Natasha’s eyes flitted up to Steve. They spent a fleeting moment lost in each other’s eyes. 

Natasha’s mind drifted to the spent years believing she didn’t deserve happiness or friendship or even family, but despite it all, Steve stuck by her, telling her she didn’t owe him anything. Telling her she deserved to be happy, to be loved.   
Maybe one day soon she would truly let herself be loved by someone, and as Steve smiled softly at her, she thought that maybe one day she would let herself be loved by him.


	8. Chapter 8

Natasha watched Steve as he cooked breakfast. The sun had just peeked over the horizon, but its golden rays stretched out and cast a glow on everything around Natasha.  
Watching Steve made Natasha wondered what he was like before. How did the war and then the future change him? She wondered if she would still feel the same about little Steve. Obviously, the little guy had his merits because Peggy fell for him.  
That thought reminded Natasha of her revelation the night before. The thought that maybe her and Steve could be anything more than friends and partners terrified her. It frightened her that she imagined them as more than friends. He was her family. Anything more than friends would risk that relationship, but even that didn’t stop her from thinking about it.  
Steve noticed Natasha’s lingering gaze. Her eyes softened as they met his face. Her lips turned up, flashing a soft smile. Steve felt that shift once again. Her sweet smile and the look in her eyes made his stomach flutter for a moment. Neither of them dared make a move knowing how the risk could destroy the amazing bond and friendship they shared. 

Sam’s stumbling down the stairs broke the silent moment Steve and Natasha were sharing. Natasha’s head snapped in Sam’s direction as he cursed. By the bleary look in his eyes, Natasha could tell Sam had a late night putting together the dossier she asked for. He still looked half asleep when he plopped down beside her at the kitchen table. Steve turned around with plates in hand and set them in front of Natasha and Sam. After a few minutes, Steve joined them with his own breakfast.  
“So I finished the dossier on Battenberg.”  
Natasha nodded, urging Sam to continue.  
“He’s the only direct descendant of the formerly noble, German Battenberg family. His father and grandfather were both high ranking Nazis, but because of their former noble status they were never charged for any crimes, but that didn’t stop people from losing respect for their status in the community. So, Klaus was born to a disgraced formerly noble and high ranking Nazi family.”  
Sam shovelled some food into his mouth before continuing.  
“While I didn’t find any familial ties to Hydra, it’s definitely possible Battenberg’s family were part of Hydra or at least sympatheizers because of their Nazi connections. He probably grew up rubbing elbows with Hydra members, even if he wasn’t actively involved.”  
Natasha nodded. Sam’s summary on Klaus confirmed everything she had deduced from meeting him. She needed to know more about his history leading up to right now. Natasha needed to get into Klaus’s head. See how he worked and then that’s when she would find a weakness. A weakness she could exploit and destroy his operation.  
“I wanna take a look at the more Klaus specific stuff.”  
“Got it.” Sam mumbled with a mouth full of eggs. 

Sam dropped the file down beside Natasha as she sat cross legged on her bed writing her notes on Klaus’s behavior and psychology. She scanned through the information. Sam noticed her scribblings, and the psych profile she was writing up on him.  
“I didn’t know you had a background in psychology.”  
Natasha absentmindedly nodded.  
“Yeah. Part of the training. Gotta get in target’s heads. Physically hurting people isn’t enough. You have to rip them apart mentally and emotionally too.”  
Natasha heard the words she said almost a second after they left her lips. She sounded just like the old her. The young woman fresh out of the Red Room but still deeply entangled with its ideology.  
Natasha went silent until Sam disappeared. She couldn’t believe old training just slipped out of her mouth.  
Sam didn't understand that her training encapsulated so much more than physicality. While brute force had its place, mental and emotional manipulation was the hallmark of a true and efficient Black Widow.  
Sam and Steve were brute force men. They attacked. They beat people into submission.  
Natasha was far more nuance in her approach. While she more often used force because that was what her job called for, she still used her psychological techniques. Fear was her greatest ally. Terrify someone, and they succumb to force much easier. A few hard punches might bring a man down, but fear followed by force; that would leave a man trembling and begging for his life.  
Sam might never understand how incredibly different she was to him. 

Steve called out for Sam, and Natasha thought about Steve. She knew even he couldn’t understand the nuances of her techniques. He knew her reputation because he had seen how people reacted to her, but he hadn’t seen this side of her. Getting into someone’s head and ripping them apart. This was new territory for him.  
An old thought crept into her head.  
Steve and her were so different. Sam and her.. So different. Wanda might be the only one who could understand, but even then, their tactics differed, quite literally, at molecular level.  
Natasha wondered, did she even belong in a crew that used force only?  
They were dangerous because of their strength and skill, but Natasha… she wasn’t just dangerous because she was skilled in combat. Natasha was dangerous because she could tear a person apart inside and out.

A few hours had passed, and 17:00 (5pm) came around which meant Natasha was going to go another round with Klaus.  
Steve waited on the front porch for Natasha. This time she appeared dressed in wide leg pants and low cut sweater. She had to look like she just came from work. Steve smiled at her as he followed her to the car. 

Natasha glanced over at Steve as he drove down the highway. She noticed something different about him.  
There was stubble on his cheeks.  
“You stopped shaving?”  
Steve chuckled.  
“Why did you stop shaving?”  
Steve laughed again. “Because I’m tired of shaving everyday.”  
Natasha hummed and stared at him. She was trying to decide how she felt about this new look. Steve grew worried during her long assessment of the new look.  
“Do you like it?”  
“Hmmm. I don’t know, Steve.”  
Natasha chuckled as Steve rubbed his chin and shot a worried look at her.  
“I’ll shave-”  
“No.” Natasha blurted.  
It was Steve’s turn to chuckle at Natasha’s expense. She glared at him and then turned away to look out the window.  
“You should have just said you liked it right away, Natasha.”  
Natasha's stomach fluttered as he drew out her name on her name and put emphasis on it, but she just rolled her eyes and stared out the window. She knew he was just trying to get a rise out of her, but she wanted to punch him. The tension between them only increased as Steve fell silent. Natasha squirmed as Steve glanced over at her, his eyes lingering for a moment. They were teetering into the unknown. She could feel it every time her stomach fluttered and an involuntary smile came to her lips as he looked at her. 

Steve pulled up slowly to the bar. Natasha glanced over at him.  
“There’s a park a few blocks away. I’ll meet you there when I’m done.”  
Steve nodded and left Natasha on the curb. She turned around and stared at the door.  
Another day, another bad guy, she thought.

Klaus sat in his usual booth. His eyes scanned the bar for beautiful Sasha. He hoped to see her again. Maybe finished what they started in the back.  
Every time the door opened, his eyes lifted hoping she would enter, drawing the attention of everyone with a pulse.  
The door creaked open, and Klaus didn’t dare look up. He knew he would only be disappointed. Moments later, heels clicked toward his booth. His eyes found the source, and his eyes made a painstakingly slow climb up her body, lingering at a few places he’d love to explore more. 

Natasha curtsied, dipping down low enough to give him a bit of a show.  
“Hello, my lord.”  
Klaus grinned. Natasha knew she was feeding into his desire to have his family’s prestige back. She would build him up to everything he hoped and longed for and then send him crashing down to his demise.  
“Sasha, beautiful as ever.”  
Natasha blushed.  
Natasha and Klaus began to chat. Natasha revealed that she was a paralegal in a local firm, and that she was unhappy with her job. She leaned forward to whisper to Klaus. His eyes found bottom of her neckline as she leaned toward him.  
Natasha whispered with tiredness playing across her features, “I haven’t been satisfied in so long. I need something different. A fulfilling job.”  
An almost indiscernible smirk flashed across Klaus’s face. He obviously understood what she tried subtly to imply.  
“I think I could find a position for a bright young lady like yourself in my business."  
Natasha perked up, and the weary look on her face was replaced with an interested and excited one.  
“What is your business?”  
Klaus looked off over her shoulder for a moment. He looked at the city through the windows. His city. His home.  
“I’ve got my hand in just about everything in Berlin. Restaurants, bars, night clubs, a gentleman’s club,” Klaus winked before continuing, “a grocery store or two, a laundromat… just to name a few.”  
Natasha’s mouth gaped in surprise and awe open for a moment.  
“Wow. You’ve got a real business empire, huh.”  
Klaus puffed his chest a bit and nodded.  
“I’m kinda a big deal.”  
Natasha fought her instinct to roll her eyes at his arrogant remark.  
Klaus eyed her chest for a moment and then whispered, “Ya know, you’d probably be a huge hit at the gentleman’s club. We are looking for new girls.”  
Natasha nearly choked on her drink when those words came out of his mouth. She forced a placid smile on her face.  
“Aww. You are too kind.” Natasha sipped her drink again. “I can’t dance, so you’d probably have to fire me.”  
Klaus shrugged. “Maybe not on stage, but the VIP section needs someone like you.”  
Natasha dug her heel into the carpeted floor beneath the booth. As he talked, she continually reminded herself she needed him alive.  
“Well, my talents are bit more studious. I could probably help with the books or legal issues. I worked for my father’s accounting firm in Belgium when i was in college, so I have some experience with accounting.”  
Klaus nodded. “My accountant has been running a bit ragged. He could probably use some help. I’ll talk to him.”  
Natasha graciously nodded. “My boyfriend will be so excited to hear I got a new job. He’s been so annoyed with my complaining about this job.”  
Klaus’s grin faded. She wasn’t a single woman, but she obviously wasn’t offended by their last romantic encounter. The way she looked at him told him she needed a reason to leave her boyfriend, and no doubt Klaus would show her what a real man could do for her. And anyway, he needed a trophy wife. He had spent too many years alone to pass up an opportunity like this.

Natasha excused herself and disappeared out of the bar. Klaus was proving to be an easier target than she had anticipated. Natasha mauled over this interaction as she walked toward the nearby park. The dark night enveloped her senses once she crossed over to the park. A few street lights were out, but Berlin was a huge urban area. City maintenance would get to it eventually.

From the shadows under an unlit streetlight, a figure lunged toward Natasha and landed a hard punch in her side and then her face.  
The sudden attack disoriented her for a moment. Her attacker landed a few punches before Natasha’s instincts caught up. She threw a few quick punches to the man’s face and ribs, and the man scrambled away after she threw him to the ground. She never got a good look at his face. Adrenaline pumped through her body. Her senses were on high alert. She turned around scanning everything she could see for any threat.  
Natasha’s eyes found a figure looming on the edge of a building a block over. Chills ran down her spine and through her body. She stared at the man for several minutes. Her heart raced even faster. A wave of exhaustion hit her, and her body suddenly felt achy and tired. Natasha stared, despite the pull to get as far away from this man’s prying eyes as she could. She thought she could almost make out his face, but before she could get a good look or make out his features, he turned and disappeared into the night.  
The man who struck fear deep within Natasha had returned, and he made sure she knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support! It means the world to me.  
> -B


	9. Chapter 9

Natasha stayed frozen in her place for minutes after the man disappeared. Her body was rigid. After convincing herself over and over again to move, she finally did. She walked around a bit trying to shake the fear and anxiety she felt. Eventually, she found Steve waiting for her.  
Steve glanced over at her and purples and blues coloring her cheek.  
“Nat, what happened? Did he hit you?”  
Natasha shook her head.  
“I got attacked by someone on the street. He wasn’t skilled, just caught me off guard.”  
Steve touched the bruise on her cheek softly.  
“I saw that man again.”  
Steve hummed, his thumb still lightly touching her cheekbone. Natasha pulled Steve's hand away and turned to look at him.  
“Steve, I saw him again.” Natasha’s voice cracked.  
Tears spilled from her eyes, and she wrapped her arms around Steve and buried her face in his neck.  
“Nat, I’ll call T’challa see if he’s gotten anything. We’ll figure it out.”  
Natasha choked back her tears. She didn’t understand the terror that coursed through her body.  
“Steve, I’m so scared.” She sniffled. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”  
Steve squeezed Natasha tighter and mumbled into her hair, “I got you, Nat. I got you. We’ll figure it out.”  
Natasha took a deep breath. Steve rubbed her back until she finally peeled herself off of him. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes red. Steve’s heart broke to see her like this, but he loved that she trusted him enough to be vulnerable and unfiltered. Steve flashed a half smile at her as she wiped her tears.  
“Hey, hey. Come here.”  
Natasha glanced over at him, and he took the hem of his shirt and wiped her wet cheeks delicately as he cradled her head. Steve touched her so gently that she felt like a fragile doll he was afraid to break. 

“Sorry, it’s not a tissue.”  
Natasha scoffed and rolled her eyes. “God, I hate you, Rogers.”  
Steve smirked. “I love you too, Natasha.”  
Natasha’s heart rate jumped. She knew it was merely just a joking response to her hatred, but hearing him say still made her stomach flutter for a moment. Steve’s shirt dropped back in its place, and Natasha stared out at the park in front of them. She wondered if the man was watching right now. Did he see Steve and her? Was Steve at risk now? 

Her eyes began to well up again. Natasha hadn’t thought about how this man might use Steve to hurt her. If Steve was hurt because of this mystery man, Natasha might never be able to forgive herself.  
Natasha’s glossy eyes found Steve again. Steve reached out and touched Natasha’s cheek. He wiped the stray tears away. Natasha leaned into his touch.  
“Steve, maybe you and Sam should focus on Klaus and let me deal with this mystery man.”  
Steve frowned and rubbed his thumb across her cheek bone. He seemed to be mauling over her words.  
“No.” He simply answered.  
Another wave of tears escaped through her eyelashes. She couldn’t lose him. Her eyes pleaded with him to listen to her.  
“Steve...”  
A quiet sob escaped her lips.  
“I can’t lose you.”  
Steve tucked her hair behind her ear before meeting her teary-eyed gaze.  
“Natasha, I’m not going anywhere.”  
Natasha frowned and rubbed away her tears. She swallowed the lump in her throat.  
“Steve, I- what if he tries to hurt you.”  
Steve pulled her into another tight hug. He squeezed her; He hoped she would understand how much he cared about her through this hug.  
He mumbled into her hair. “I can take care of myself.”  
Natasha sniffled.  
“I know, but-”  
Steve cut her off by pushing her away. He held her face with both hands. Tears escaped from Natasha’s eyes as Steve looked her in the eye.  
“I will always have your back.” He paused to wipe away her tears. “You can’t get rid of me. I’m gonna be by your side forever whether you want me or not.”

The next morning Natasha’s head pounded, and she rolled over and forced herself out of bed. The night before drained the energy from her body. Steve quietly opened the door and slipped in. Natasha stared at him for a moment. He smiled at her as he folded his clothes and put them away. Natasha rubbed her temples as Steve milled around the room.  
“How are you feeling?”  
Natasha groaned. Steve let out a quiet chuckle as Natasha fell back on her bed.  
“I need coffee.” Natasha mumbled.  
Steve disappeared and a few minutes later had a fresh cup of coffee in his hands.  
“Here.” Steve said as he sat down on the edge of the bed beside her.  
Natasha sipped the coffee.  
“T’challa couldn’t find a name. But he’s a Russian agent.”  
Natasha sighed. She wasn’t surprised. In fact, it was more surprising Russia and the Red Room hadn’t come for her yet. She had defected from Russia over a decade ago. The Red Room definitely wanted revenge, but now, she didn’t have a country to protect her.  
“Make sense.” Natasha said flatly.  
Steve frowned. “Do you have any idea who it could have been? Anyone you knew?”  
Natasha sighed. “I think I recognized him, but I interacted with so many people back then. I couldn't be sure who it is.”  
Steve bumped her shoulder.  
“We’ll figure it out.” Steve looked her in the eye. “Together.”  
Natasha leaned her head on his shoulder. Steve rested his head on top of hers. Natasha toyed with her coffee cup before taking a sip again.  
“Well, I should probably get ready. We should do some recon on Klaus’s business ventures.”

After Steve and Natasha spent several hours trying to catalog out Klaus’s many business, they returned home. Natasha collapsed on the bed, still tired from the night before and then tired from running around Berlin all day. She stared at the ceiling for a while thinking about that face in the dark. Eyes staring at her. Never leaving her for a moment.  
She couldn’t quite make out the features, but in the moment, her mind had begun piecing it together, but before she could finally draw the connections, he was gone.  
The cold vacant stare. The build. The long coat whipping in the wind behind him.

Natasha recalled that moment the previous night again. He wasn’t wearing a coat. She was sure of it now, but when she thought of the man, she remembered a long black trench coat whipping in the cold winter wind. 

A flash of bloodied snow danced across her memories. The man standing over someone. His foot on their chest, and his long black coat floating in the wind behind him as a Russian blizzard raged around them. 

The door creaked, and Natasha’s mind snapped back to the present before she could get a good look at his face or the person he held down.  
Wanda had returned. She wanted to talk with Natasha about everything. Vision had asked her to stay. Things were increasingly more serious between them, but Wanda knew her priorities needed to be her team. Natasha and Wanda chatted about what had happened while she was gone, and Wanda told her about Vision and the other Avengers.  
“Did Vision say anything about Tony?”  
“Pepper and Tony are engaged. The wedding should be next year sometime.”  
Natasha smiled. Pepper and Tony deserved happiness, but it was bittersweet that she wouldn't be there to see her two friends finally find their happiness.  
“How is everything with you?” Wanda asked, her eyes telling Natasha everything Wanda was asking with this simple question.  
Natasha knew she probably radiated nervous energy, and no doubt Wanda could feel it. She thought she should tell Wanda, but what if it put her in danger.  
“Running like this has been hard.”  
Natasha stopped. Wanda nodded, knowing there was so much more going on, even without Natasha saying anything.

Protecting her team always stayed in the back of Natasha's mind. She needed to shield the team from this obviously dangerous man.  
Natasha slipped out in the middle of the night. A burst of courage and some unknown pulled sent her patrolling the city. She was determined to find this man and confront him. Her team’s safety was her number one priority, and with this man so nearby, she knew they would never be safe. 

Natasha wandered around Berlin. The darkness enveloped her. He couldn’t see her if she stuck to the shadows, so she felt safe there. Natasha returned to the park. She broke into the building he had been standing on. She scanned the surrounding buildings. No one.  
She seemed to be all alone, so she began to search the rooftop. If this man knew her well, he would know she would eventually check out this spot. Her instincts told her he may have left something for her. 

After searching for several minutes, nothing turned up. She sat down on the ledge of the building and stared out at the sleeping city. Something in the distance caught her eye. A few buildings over, metal glinted in the moonlight. Natasha flipped backward and dropped below the ledge a millisecond before a few shots whizzed through the space where she once sat. 

Silence filled the air again.  
Deafening silence. 

Natasha froze in her place. She wasn’t sure how long she had been stuck hiding under that ledge, but the light began to illuminate the city before she could move. Her heart beat hard against her chest. It felt as though it might burst out of her chest.  
Finally, Natasha found her feet. She peered over the ledge, and the building where the shots came from was empty. She raced over to the building and searched the rooftop. She found scratches where the shooter must have dragged a tripod into position. He had a perfect shot of her. He should have killed her right then, but he didn’t. Another time he had a chance to kill her and didn't take it. Natasha didn't understand why he hesitated. 

On the ledge in front of where the tripod had once been, there was a pin.  
Natasha pocketed it and returned to her car. She hoped to get back into the house before anyone realized she had left.  
Natasha crept into her room. She settled into bed and hoped to get a few hours of sleep before everyone woke up, but sleep eluded her. The pin in her pocket seemed to burn her skin every time she felt it. She pulled it out and examined it.  
A red circular pin. A white star in the center. Dark, old blood dried on the pin. 

That panic in her chest returned. Natasha knew deep in her heart that this was an intimate message meant only for her, even though she had no clue what the significance was.


	10. Chapter 10

Natasha had returned to the bar and chatted with Klaus about the potential job. They exchanged information, and now, she had to wait. While she waited for contact, the whole team worked through Berlin cataloging Klaus’s known assets. Natasha seemed dead set on finish the list of his businesses. Steve knew once Natasha started a task she was dead set on finishing it, but this seemed like she was attempting to distract herself from something. For days Natasha was up before everyone combing through business licenses and records, and then at night, she usually fell asleep on a pile of documents. 

Natasha forced herself to focus all her efforts on Klaus. This mystery man kept her up at night, and when she could get out, his presence sent her searching the city. Natasha would stare at the red pin for hours. She racked her memory for any trace of this pin. She always came up empty, but her instincts told her different. They had a connection. She knew it. Why she couldn’t remember him was another mystery, and one that she didn’t want to deal with yet. 

Night had fallen, and tonight she planned to meet with Klaus and his accountant. She slipped into something both men would enjoy and holstered a petite gun on her thigh. She had spent far too many nights unarmed because of tight dresses.   
Before leaving, Natasha sat on her bed reading over a few more files about businesses they had connected to Klaus. Steve peeked in and saw Natasha all dress up, but doing her usual thing, reading files. She looked odd all dressed up with files strewn around her.   
“Hey, you ready to go?”  
Natasha glanced up at Steve and nodded. She hopped off the bed and brushed out the wrinkles on her dress.   
“It’s been awhile since we did a mission like this.” Steve mumbled as he fiddled with his tie.   
Natasha chuckled. Steve turned around, and Natasha reached out and straightened his tie. Her fingers pulled at the lapels of his jacket.   
“You look dashing, Peter.”  
“You look gorgeous, Natasha.”  
Natasha smirked. “Remember? My name is Sasha.”  
Natasha tugged on the lapels harder bringing Steve a little closer to her.   
“Also do you not like roleplay, Steve?”  
Steve’s face reddened at what Natasha insinuated. Natasha’s eyes flitted from Steve’s lips back to his eyes. She knew she was playing a dangerous game, so she abruptly let go of his lapels which he made him rock back on his heels.   
Steve let out the breath he didn’t even realize he was holding as Natasha disappeared out of room. He meant what he said. Natasha looked gorgeous. Her black and white dress had a vintage sort of feel to it. She had worn the dress a few times before, but this time with her long hair curled and her lips dark red, she looked like she could have stepped out of the Forties. 

Once they arrived at the bar, Steve parked the car as Natasha made her rounds inside. He entered, and there she was. Natasha was all smiles as she floated around the room, mingling with other regulars. Her dress twirled as she animatedly chatted. She was in her element when she worked information from unknowing targets.   
Steve snuck up behind Natasha at the bar and snaked his arms around her. Natasha let out a giggle as her eyes found Klaus; he didn’t seem to have noticed them yet. Steve pecked her cheek before taking a seat beside her at the bar.   
“10 o’clock farthest booth.” Natasha muttered to Steve. “That’s Klaus and the accountant, I assume.”  
Steve and Natasha idly chatted for a few minutes while Natasha waited for Klaus to notice her.  
Steve leaned closer to Natasha and whispered, “Why did you let me come this time? You told me no the last several times.”  
Natasha chuckled and touched Steve’s face for a moment. Steve’s growing facial hair scratched her hand. His new beard disguised him quite well. He didn’t look the part of clean cut soldier and Captain America with grown out hair and a beard. He looked like your average European man, give or take the bulging muscles.  
“The beard.”  
Natasha glanced over her shoulder at Klaus and found his eyes watching her. She grabbed Steve’s hand and pulled him over to Klaus’s booth. Natasha placed Steve’s hand on the small of her back as they stopped at the booth.   
“Hey there.” Natasha grinned.   
Klaus nodded at Steve.  
“So, Klaus, this is my boyfriend, Peter. Peter, this is my new friend and prospective boss, Klaus.” Natasha nestled herself closer to Steve and put her hand on his chest. She looked up at Steve.   
“He’s noble. A Battenberg.”  
Steve nodded but focused on seeming uninterested.   
“Well, nobility was abolished almost a century ago. So-”  
Klaus’s eyes narrowed at Steve. Natasha lightly smacked Steve on the chest before putting some space between them.   
“Pete, that’s no way to talk to anyone, especially a Battenberg.” Natasha interrupted.  
Steve rolled his eyes and quipped back. “Whatever you say, sweetheart.”  
Natasha could tell Klaus was seething at this disrespectful facade Steve had on, and Steve seemed to be enjoying it a little too much. She figured he would enjoy injuring the pride of an arrogant Hydra operative. 

“Hey, can you go get me a whiskey?” Natasha mumbled to Steve.   
Steve disappeared over to the bar as Natasha plopped down in front of Klaus.   
Klaus disappointedly shook his head. “He’s a charmer, huh.”  
Natasha frowned. “I’m sorry.”  
“So, I presume you are Klaus’s accountant?”  
The other man nodded. “Philipp Metzinger.”  
Natasha shook Philipp’s hand and bowed her head slightly. “Sasha Essen, at your service.”  
Philipp smirked at Klaus. They both believed Sasha to be a young, impressionable mind who was eager to please. They fell into the trap of the persona Natasha created. Sasha was to be someone they felt comfortable around. Someone they didn’t pay any mind to when talking about the ‘real’ business.   
Philipp glanced over the paperwork Klaus had provided him. It detailed her previous work experience: Her father’s accounting firm and her many internships and jobs there and at other firms.   
“I don’t see why we couldn’t use you. You have a great deal of experience.”  
Natasha giggled. “I can’t thank you enough. I really owe you both. Anything you need, let me know.”  
Klaus and Philipp shared a dark look. They both could already think of a few things. 

Natasha found Steve at the bar. She snatched the whiskey out of his hand and downed it in one drink. Steve stared at her for a second, partly in awe of her unflinching face but also concerned.   
“Damn, Nat. Did it go okay?”  
Natasha nodded. “Got the job. I’m starting tomorrow.”  
Steve hugged her. “Congrats.”  
They relaxed at the bar, and Natasha chatted with the bartender and others. Natasha turned around on her barstool when the music changed, and people began to come to the center of the room. The music had a swinging beat. Steve tapped his foot as the music continued. People danced, and Steve smiled watching them.   
Natasha glanced at Steve as she hopped off the barstool. "I didn't know it was oldies dance night, but Klaus did mention."  
“Ya know those are some old dances.”   
Steve sighed. His heart missed the Forties. He did miss his former life, but he found a good life and a family in the future.   
“My parents used to dance to music like this on our radio.”  
Natasha smiled and grabbed Steve's hand. “You wanna try?”  
Steve shook his head. “I don’t know how to dance.”  
Natasha laughed and tugged Steve to the dance floor. She placed his hand on her back, and then intertwined their fingers.  
“You just need someone to teach you. The right partner, ya know?”  
Natasha flashed a grin before twirling in his arms.   
“Just follow my movements.”  
Steve smiled as he started to get the hang of the movements. They danced through a few songs as Natasha quietly coached him. She laughed as Steve finally got the hang of the dance and then dipped her at the end of a song.   
Steve pulled her off the dance floor, and they slipped into a booth.   
“Where did you learn to dance like that?”  
Natasha looked out at the dance floor. When she and Steve got closer, she decided to learn how to do some classic Thirties and Forties dances. She thought it might help him adjust or just be a comfort to have a little old in a scary future.   
“I taught myself.”  
Steve chuckled. “Why? It doesn’t seem like something that would come up in a mission.”  
Natasha sighed. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to explain the reason why she learned.   
“You’d be surprised.”  
Steve ordered them drinks. As they nursed their drinks, it bothered Steve that Natasha didn’t really answer the question.  
“Seriously though, why would you learn decades old dances?”  
Natasha took a long sip of her whiskey. She needed some liquid courage to fess up.   
“You.” She muttered.   
Steve chuckled. “Me?”  
Natasha nodded. “I thought maybe it would be nice to go out sometime, and we could go dancing at one of the old bars in the city. You could get to experience a little of your past in this present. Help with the adjustment.”  
Steve smiled at Natasha. “You did that for me?”  
“Yeah, I guess.”  
Steve looked out at the dancers. He recalled a time when he planned to go dancing. He remembered Peggy’s shaky voice just before he went into the ice. They had a date, but now, she was gone. He knew she would have like Natasha.   
Steve had waited so long for the right person, and Peggy slipped through his grasp. Then he woke up in an unfamiliar time. Natasha came into his life not too long after that, and she changed him. She was his partner on the job, but at some point, Natasha also became a partner in life. She was always by his side when things were tough, and she made a point to push him to adjust to the future.   
Go out. Date around. Make friends away from work.   
But Steve struggled to find common ground with people.  
Natasha just wanted Steve to find his happiness. To find someone with some similar life experience.   
Steve’s eyes landed on Natasha.   
Maybe the right partner was right there beside of him all along, but he had just been too blind to see it.


	11. Chapter 11

Steve and Natasha danced along to a few more songs before Natasha pulled him out of the bar. As they stepped out into the blustery wind, Natasha twirled away from Steve and then back into his arms. She looked up at him with a grin.   
“That was fun, huh.”  
“Yeah. I really enjoyed that.”  
Natasha’s eyes were slightly glazed over. Steve wasn’t sure how many whiskeys she drank over the course of the night because she would down them so quickly. Natasha bumped Steve with her hip.   
“Hey, can we walk around a bit?”   
Steve nodded, and they wandered around the streets for awhile. Natasha’s mind forgot about the mysterious man. The whiskey helped her forget which is what she wanted. She needed to take the edge off because she was constantly pretending she wasn’t terrified of being ambushed by some man who was clearly out for revenge.   
Steve and Natasha meandered down the banks of a river. Silence fell over them, and Natasha glanced at Steve for a moment. He seemed lost in thought. Her eyes turned forward again. She stared out in front of her at a gazebo on the edge of the river. It looked like a nice place to sit and rest before heading back to their car.   
Natasha plopped down on the bench, and Steve followed her lead. 

“We should dance again.”  
Steve chuckled quietly. “There’s no music, and we just sat down.”  
Natasha shrugged with a slight smirk. “We don’t need it, old man.”  
Natasha tugged on Steve’s hand and pulled toward the observation deck that jutted out over the river. They swayed as Natasha hummed quietly. Natasha looked up at Steve. He smiled softly before twirling her. For a moment their hearts were content. They spent a quiet moment just the two of them. No one counting on them to save the world or telling them who they were. They weren’t Captain America and the Black Widow. They just Steve and Natasha.   
Partners. Friends. Family.   
Natasha squeezed Steve’s hand as he smiled and brought her closer to him.   
“Steve-”  
Natasha’s mouth moved faster than her brain. Her heart wanted to confess the growing feelings she had for him. Every time he smiled at her she fell a little more for him.   
But Her mind caught up to her mouth, and she paused. She trained her eyes over his shoulder trying to decide if she should tell him anyway. Her eyes focused on a shadow in the distance. The breeze rustled the trees, and the shadow moved with it. She dismissed her initial pang of fear. The shadow was just a tree. Her mind was getting the best of her.   
Natasha flitted her eyes up to Steve’s. The way he looked at her told her there was something there. Something changed between them. Her heart wanted him, but her instincts told her it wasn’t worth the risk of losing him.   
Natasha looked passed Steve again as they continued to sway. Her eyes trained on the trees again, but the shadow was gone. Natasha’s stomach dropped. Her body went rigid and tense in Steve’s arms.   
“Nat?” Steve whispered.   
Her eyes frantically searched the area. She knew he was here. The man had found them.   
“Thigh holster.” She mumbled.   
Steve cocked his head.   
“Grab the gun on my thigh, Steve.”  
“Why?”  
Natasha let out a shaky breath before answering. “He’s here, and I don’t want him to know I know.”  
Steve pulled up Natasha’s dress and slipped his hand under. His fingers blindly felt for the holster. His touch on her thigh sent shots of electricity through her body. He slowly removed his hand from under her dress, and he kept the small gun in his hand as he held her hand again as they continued to sway. He didn’t want to alert the attackers by moving too fast. Natasha wrapped her fingers around the gun as Steve twirled her. She closed her eyes and listened for someone moving through the trees.   
A branch snapped, and Natasha’s eyes snapped open. She trained her gun in that direction and fired.   
The shot rang through the air, and a cry of pain followed. A moment of silence followed the noise, and then chaos broke out. 

Five masked men broke from the treeline headed straight for Natasha and Steve. Natasha downed two more before they got to the gazebo. Steve shed his suit jacket, and he and Natasha began fighting the three remaining men. Natasha threw herself at one and wrapped her legs around his neck and began choking him. She ripped off the mask as she threw him to the ground. She landed above him and looked at his face.   
Not the man.   
Steve knocked out one and pulled off his mask.   
Still not the mystery man.   
One remained. The man kept evading Steve trying to get to Natasha; He wanted to fight her.   
Steve crouched, and Natasha used his back to send herself flying towards the last man. She tightened her legs around his neck trying to choke him, but he fought back hard. Natasha beat him over the head; her fist pounding over and over again into his head. Her beating only seemed to annoy him rather than do any real damage. In retaliation, the man yanked Natasha off and threw her. She went flying at Steve. Steve caught her, but the force toppled him. In a scramble of arms and legs, Natasha got to her feet, but the man had disappeared.   
Natasha punched the cement pillar and let out a cry of frustration. Steve watched as Natasha tried to hold it all together. Her eyes glistened with tears of anger and frustration but also pain. She brushed passed him and walked over the edge of the river. Her hands bled from the fighting and her assault on the pillar. She stared at her torn up hand before turning to Steve.   
“We had him.” She mumbled, her voice shaking.  
“Next time.”  
Natasha scoffed as tears streaked down her face. “Next time he might kill me.”

Natasha passed out in the car as they drove back to the house, and Steve carried her up to their room. After getting Natasha in bed, he settled down in his mound of sheets and pillows, but laid there for what seemed like hours unable to sleep. The night had been such a rollercoaster; the high of carefree dancing with Natasha and the low of seeing her absolutely scared for her life. His body was drained of energy, but his brain couldn’t shut down. He kept replaying every moment. He wanted to remember the beginning of the night forever, but he never wanted to see that sheer terror in her eyes again. 

A cry brought Steve out of his daze. He sat up and immediately moved to Natasha's side. She trembled and shook in her sleep. He lightly shook her shoulders hoping to wake her from her nightmare gently. Her eyes shot open, and she gripped his arm and stared at him through teary eyes. Steve brushed her hair out of her face and smiled reassuringly until she came out of the daze of her nightmare. Natasha pushed herself up to sit beside Steve.   
The two of them sat in silence. Natasha didn’t want to think about Steve hearing her cry out in her sleep after a nightmare about that damn man.   
Natasha stared at her hands. They were bloodied and bruised from the fight. She pounded her fist into that man’s head until they were raw, yet it only seemed to annoy him which told her he was at the very least enhanced. The gashes stung as she ran her fingers across them, and her bones ached from punching the pillar. She needed to clean them up. The last thing she needed was an infection from dirty, unclean wounds or forever aching fingers because she didn't brace them.   
After delicately washing her hands, Natasha searched for the small first aid kit she packed. She never went anywhere without those supplies because Steve, and more often, she would get a little battered up during missions. She plopped down on the bed facing Steve and began to clean cuts and scrapes. As Natasha finished disinfecting her wounds, Steve grabbed the ace bandages from the first aid kit. She held out her hands to him, and he gently wrapped the bandages around them.   
Natasha watched Steve’s hands as they delicately worked. Her gaze flitted up to his face. His tongue poked through his teeth in concentration, and his forehead wrinkled as he finished the wrap and pulled it tight. He held her hands in his for a moment, and his eyes finally meet her ever watchful ones. His eyes flitted away for a moment, but then returned.  
“Thanks.” Natasha muttered with a small smile.   
Steve returned the favor with a soft smile.   
“No problem.”   
Steve released her hands and scooted over to give her room to lie down again.  
“Tired?” Steve asked as he patted the bed beside him.   
Exhaustion washed over Natasha. Her previous sleep wasn’t restful, rather she woke up more tired that she was before.  
“No.” She lied  
Her body knew how to stave away tiredness from years of training, but the mention of sleep made Natasha yawn. Steve rolled his eyes.   
“Shut up.” Natasha muttered as she settled down.   
Steve let out a soft chuckle as he rose from the bed. “Sure. Get your beauty sleep.”  
Steve moved to the other side of the bed to stow away the first aid kit, but before he could pull the drawer all the way open, Natasha caught his hand. Steve’s eyes shot up to her as her eyes shifted down to the drawer. When he looked down, he spotted a red pin with a white star in the drawer. Natasha realized it was too late. Her stomach dropped. Steve had seen the pin, and now there was explaining to do. Steve snatched the pin out of the drawer and examined it.   
“Where did you get this?”  
Natasha avoided his eyes.  
“I found it.”  
“And you were hiding it.”  
Natasha quipped with a frown. “I wasn’t hiding it.”  
Steve huffed and walked away from her. After pacing for a moment, he turned back. His features were hard from frustration, but also worry because Natasha had obviously run off, and he didn’t know. Until now that is.   
“You tried to keep me from opening the drawer. You were hiding it.” Steve paused and picked the pin up. “The better question, is when did you get it?”  
“Last week.” Natasha muttered.   
“What? Last week?” Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. “When last week?”  
Natasha pulled her knees up to her chest. She had hurt Steve, and she hated being questioned about her actions especially by him. Steve paced at the end of the bed. His heart thumped as she waited several minutes to answer.  
“I went out in the middle of the night. I was determined to kill him.”  
Steve finally stopped, and his face made Natasha pull her knees even closer to her. He looked so mad, yet he still had a soft expression on his face. She knew he would be upset, but this concern was on another level.   
“Natasha, I told you I had your back. I told you WE would figure this out TOGETHER. I can’t protect you if you don’t let me. I want to be there for you.”  
Natasha bit her lip to keep them from trembling. She ran off on her own when she had no business doing so. He wasn’t mad about her trying to track down the man; he was upset she didn’t include him. She hated seeing him so upset with her, and she hated that he was right.   
Steve went back to pacing and staring at the pin.  
Natasha knew it was time to tell the truth. Air out everything that she had been keeping from him in the past week.  
“He shot at me.”   
Steve stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes lifted to hers, and she could see they were glossy.   
“He did what?”  
Natasha tried to steady her voice. “He shot at me.”  
Steve sat down on the edge of the bed near her. He stared at the wall.   
“It wasn’t close though. You saw him before he took a shot right?”  
Natasha fiddled with the bunched up fabric on her knees. Her chest tightened, and a lump in her throat stopped her from speaking. Steve scooted closer and touched her knee.   
“Nat, please tell me it wasn’t close.”  
Natasha finally looked up at him; her expression telling him everything he needed to know.   
“I’m here though. I saw him in time.” She gripped his hand and squeezed it. "That's all that matters."  
Steve shook his head.   
“You- I could have lost you.”  
A rogue tear slipped down Natasha’s cheek as Steve’s arms enveloped her.   
“I’m sorry.” She whispered, her voice shaking as she spoke.  
Steve squeezed her a little tighter and whispered back, his voice shaky too. “It’s okay. Just never do that again. Please let me help you.”   
Steve eventually released her, but he had a vice grip her hand. He couldn’t stop thinking about all the scenarios where she didn’t come back. He wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if she died alone when he could have protected her. He held on to her hand as if his life depended on it.   
“I found the pin on the building he shot from.” Natasha explained. “It’s a message.”  
Steve nodded as his thumb stroked her hand.   
“What do you think it means?”  
“I don’t know, Steve, but I know in my gut it’s personal. Maybe someone I-” Natasha hesitated, and her eyes fell. She had so much blood on her hands. This man was a reminder of everything she had done. She deserved to be hunted down. She deserved to see justice for her crimes, but she didn’t want to admit to her violent and bloody past to Steve. He saw her as more than her past, but could he if he knew every horrific thing she did?  
“Someone I hurt while under the Red Room or freelancing.”  
Steve sighed and squeezed her hand.   
“We’ll figure it out, but you should get some sleep.”

Steve rose from the bed. As he turned away, Natasha caught his hand.   
“Stay.”  
Her gaze fell to the empty spot in the bed beside her and then back up to him. Her eyes pleaded with him to comfort her even if he didn’t know what was going through her head.  
“Please.”   
Steve complied and crawled into bed beside her. He pulled her close, and she instinctually nestled herself in his arms. Steve could feel her heartbeat against his chest. The feeling grounded him. It reminded him that shot may have been a close call, but she was here. There wouldn’t be a next time because he would be there to protect her.   
Natasha raised her head and flashed a small smiled at Steve. “Goodnight, Rogers.”

As Natasha drifted off to sleep, Steve pondered the meaning of her message this man sent Natasha. Steve knew she had a dark past, and Natasha may have been a dangerous assassin, but to him, she was just Natasha. His Natasha.   
He absentmindedly smiled as he brushed the hair out of her face. Steve knew Natasha worried about her past. This man who seemed to be hunting her obviously wanted revenge for something she did, but Steve loved her no matter what. Her past couldn’t scare him away.  
That thought made him stop. 

He loved Natasha.   
He already knew that, but when he looked at her- when Natasha’s eyes met his, and she smiled a real genuine smile, he knew it was so much more. She was more than just his partner. She was so much more than just a friend. She was always by his side no matter the circumstance. He knew she would follow him to the ends of the earth if he just asked. 

Steve trusted Natasha more than anyone else. He loved her more than anyone else.


	12. Chapter 12

The weeks dragged on as Natasha worked her way into Klaus’s empire. He owned or invested in dozens of business in Berlin and other places around Europe with a hotspot of holdings in Russia. Natasha realized that many of his business holdings were in former Hydra hotspots. They couldn’t be sure what he was doing, but Steve had his suspicions. Everyone knew Hydra wasn’t dead. Shield and the Avengers may have cut off all the heads and left them with no leaders, but there was no way they could put everyone behind bars. Steve believed Klaus may have been trying to rebuild Hydra. 

Natasha slipped into the office storage room to file away some documents. Klaus and Philipp had been talking in Klaus’s private office for over an hour. The storage room was next to Klaus’s office, and the walls were thin. Natasha put her ear against the wall and listened in on their conversation. 

“I have investors. I have more than enough money. We could do this now. We don’t need old Hydra's support. I can do this without them. I don’t need them.”  
Natasha heard something of a strangled laugh escape Philipp.   
“I know that, Klaus, but you can’t just restart Hydra without their support. No one will listen to you. Your family may have been high ranking Nazis, but they weren’t in Hydra at its inception. They rode the founders’ coattails.”  
It sounded like Klaus’s chair slammed into the wall, followed by his fists pounding into the desk.   
“Damnit, Philipp! My family was nobility. I shouldn’t need them!”  
Natasha could hear Klaus let out a deep sigh as he settled into his chair.   
“Well, then, you better get their support. The gala will be a perfect time to convince them to back us.”  
Natasha quickly filed away this year's reports and settled herself at Klaus’s front desk before they returned to the main office area. Natasha skimmed a financial report as she waited for them to finish their conversation. Her eyes lifted as they entered the room, and she flashed a coy smile at the two of them. She hopped up and perched on top of Klaus's desk. Klaus took a seat across from her. His eyes wandered up her body for a moment. Natasha smirked at him once his eyes finally found her face.   
“So I know we have a lot of work to finish. Do you need me to work late?”  
Klaus shook his head.   
“No, no, Sasha. I wouldn’t want to keep you from getting ready for the gala.”  
Natasha quirked an eyebrow at him as she leaned forward.   
“Gala? I hadn’t heard anything about that?”  
Klaus glared at Philipp.   
“Philipp, I thought I told you to tell Sasha about the gala I am hosting tonight.”  
Natasha glanced at Philipp over her shoulder. She flashed an apologetic expression.   
“Oh, silly me. I think I recall him saying something about that. You know how crazy it’s been. It just slipped my mind. Peter and I will be there.”  
Philipp nodded. “See! I told her.”  
Klaus eyed Philipp and then Natasha.   
“Well, dress code is white tie. At 7pm with no set end time.” Klaus threw in a suggestive wink.  
Natasha nodded and saluted. “Yep. I’ll see you there.”  
Klaus smirked at Philipp and then followed Natasha as she gathered things to leave. He pulled Natasha into an empty office and pressed her against the wall.   
“I hope you wear something like that dress from when we first met.”  
Natasha hummed as Klaus’s hands dipped under the hem of her pencil skirt and gripped her thigh.   
“Something revealing. I want everyone to see you and wish you were theirs.”   
Natasha chuckled before leaning in close to Klaus’s ear.   
“Just you wait, my lord.”  
Natasha pressed a chaste kiss against his lips and then pushed him away. She clocked out and said her goodbyes to some of the other workers in the office. Natasha shuddered once she was out of sight of the office. She tried to shake the feeling of his hands all over her body. She had been stringing him along with a little here and there, but he made it known what he wanted. This was exactly the reason Natasha pulled Steve into the con as her boyfriend. Klaus was the opposite of a gentleman, but he had some respect for other men which meant he wouldn’t try to force Sasha to completely step out on her boyfriend. Peter was a protection from men who only wanted one thing from her. 

Natasha dialed Steve before hopping into her car.   
“There’s a gala tonight that old Hydra leader will be in attendance, and Sasha and Peter are also expected to attend. I have a dress, but I’m going to pick up a tux for you before I come back from work.”  
Natasha stopped at the first dress shop she could find. She searched through their stock tuxes and luckily found something that would probably fit Steve. 

Natasha returned to their house with a tux in hand, and rushed inside. She dropped the tux on the bed and started getting ready immediately. She curled her red hair and pinned it up to set. She pulled out the dress she had in mind for tonight. Her fingers touched the black silk before pulling it out of the closet and slipping it on. She had been saving this dress for the right occasion for years. Tonight was the perfect night for something like this.   
Steve stepped in to grab his tux off the bed, and he chuckled at the sight of Natasha in a robe, applying red lipstick in the mirror with her hair pinned up.   
“Whatcha looking at Rogers?” Natasha asked, her eyes meeting his in the mirror  
Steve rolled his eyes. “The robe. The hair. The lipstick. It reminds me of the Forties a bit.”  
Natasha smiled. “You like it, old sport?”  
Steve flashed a disgusted look. “Old sport wasn’t the Forties, Nat.”  
Natasha cut her eyes at Steve.   
“I’m a hundred, Steve. How am I supposed to know what was and wasn't Forties slang?”  
Steve finally cracked a smile at her, and Natasha laughed as she finished her lipstick and took her hair down. She shed her robe as she walked into the bedroom. Natasha brushed passed Steve to grab some jewelry, and Steve finally got a look at her dress. He watched her as she put on the finishing touches.   
Her red hair fell in perfect curls down the open back. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She was a vision in that black slinky dress.   
Natasha noticed Steve's gaze and turned around.   
“Rogers, snap out of it.”   
Steve’s eyes found hers. He blushed and smiled sheepishly.  
“You clean up, Romanoff.”  
Natasha cut her eyes at Steve. He smirked. She expected more than just a back-handed compliment.

Klaus had said wear something revealing, and no doubt Natasha delivered on that front. The black dress looked like liquid dripped over her curves. The neckline dipped low, but the back of the dress dipped lower, showing off her toned back. The dress and its train splayed out around her feet which would make it a nightmare to fight in, but a thigh high slit provided some much needed mobility. Natasha propped her foot up on the bed, and strapped a thigh holster to the leg hidden by the dress. She wasn't about to go into a crowd of unknowns with no protection.  
Steve’s eye fell down the dress again.   
“Wow.”  
Natasha tried not to roll her eyes as she laughed. Steve snickered as he disappeared into the bathroom. While Steve changed, Natasha fiddled with the essential string that held the dress on her body. The tie didn’t feel tight enough, and although Natasha wanted to give those in attendance a show, it wasn't that kind of show.   
Steve reemerged in his dress shirt with a crooked bowtie around his neck.   
“I need you tie string tight.”  
Steve met her half way and untied the string. He held onto the string loosely, and the dress slid a bit lower on her body.  
“Don’t let go!” Natasha blurted out. “It’s holding the dress on me.”  
Steve chuckled and knotted the string around her waist. His hands rested on her waist for a moment as she turned around.   
Steve huffed as he tugged on the crooked bowtie. “Now, I need your help.”  
Natasha untied the bow and then neatly tied again. She tugged and centered the bow on his neck. Her hands moved from the bow to his chest as she brushed out the few wrinkles. The dress shirt was so tight on him that were almost no wrinkles. Natasha’s eyes flitted up to Steve’s.   
“God, Nat, you look-”   
Steve struggled for words. No word could quite capture her ethereal beauty. He finally settled on a word a few moments of silence.   
“You look breathtaking.”  
Natasha bit her lip, and she felt her cheeks warm at the compliment. She looked down at the dress.   
“I guess it’s alright.”  
Steve lifted her chin and looked into her sparkling green eyes. He pushed a rogue tendril of hair behind her ear.   
“You are gorgeous.”   
Natasha leaned into his touch but then turned away from him. She went back to the dresser and fiddled with the dress in the mirror. He looked at her like she was his world, and the way she felt when he looked at her like that scared her.   
Steve stood behind her in the mirror. He tugged on his suit jacket and then smiled at her. Instincts told her she didn’t deserve him or his kind, understanding heart, but then Steve’s words rang in her head.   
‘You deserve goodness.’  
So she grinned back.


	13. Chapter 13

Doormen opened the large ornate doors for Steve and Natasha. The ballroom opened up below them, and Natasha stood at the top of a grand staircase above the ballroom. Eyes fell on her immediately. Klaus smirked as he saw many men ogling her. This was exactly what he wanted. Everyone wanted her. The things going through these men’s minds would have made Natasha’s skin crawl.  
Steve stepped beside her and took her hand, and the disappointment was immediately noticeable. Natasha and Steve descended the stairs into the party.   
Klaus intercepted them at the bottom of the staircase.  
“Peter.” Klaus nearly spat.   
Klaus then turned his attention fully on Natasha. “Hi, Sasha. You look ravishing tonight.”  
Steve placed a hand on Natasha’s hip and pulled her a little closer to him.   
Klaus noticed the gesture and turned to the crowd. “There are so many people I’d like you to meet.”  
Klaus grasped Natasha’s hand and pulled her through the crowd. Steve watched as she milled around the room meeting Klaus’s investors and friends.   
After meeting a myriad of former nobles, businessmen, and few men so old they had to have been the ‘Old Hydra’ Klaus had been talking about, Natasha finally found Steve again. He handed her a champagne glass as she scanned the room. Steve could feel anxiety radiating off of her. She was exposed in a room like this. Too many people to keep an eye on everyone. Someone could come at her from the back, and with so many people moving around Natasha couldn’t be sure if someone was coming for her.   
Steve placed a hand on her back and reassuringly rubbed his thumb against the skin of the small of her back. This little gesture comforted and grounded Natasha. Steve’s eyes checked behind them, and Natasha leaned against his side. Steve had her back. He would protect her. She glanced up at him and flashed a smile. Steve returned the favor. 

Servers ushered the guests to a room off the ballroom for dinner. Steve and Natasha were seated with Klaus, and few people Natasha had not met yet. Natasha sat beside an elegant woman a few years younger than Klaus.   
“Hi, I’m Sasha Essen. I’m a friend of Klaus.”  
The woman smiled graciously and took Natasha’s outstretched hand.   
“I’m Klaus’s sister, Madlene Igorevich." Madlene chuckled. "My husband, Vlad, is around here somewhere.”   
Natasha nodded with a smile. Klaus hadn’t said anything about any living family. This was the first time Natasha had ever heard of Madlene.   
“It’s nice to meet you. Klaus hasn’t talked about you.”  
Madlene rolled her eyes and glared at Klaus for a moment.   
“I wasn’t an heir to our family’s estate being a woman, so I went off and married. I married a foreigner, in his opinion, so he doesn’t care much to discuss me with friends.”  
A tall, burly man laid a hand on Madlene’s shoulder. He leaned down and pecked her lips before taking a seat beside her.   
“Hi, darling.” He whispered to her.   
Natasha eyed the man for a moment, and then stretched her hand out to him.   
“You’re Vlad, right? I’m Sasha Essen, one of Klaus’s friends.”  
Vlad seemed preoccupied with something across the room, and Natasha’s hand hung in the air waiting for him to acknowledge her. Madlene jabbed her elbow in his side, and his eyes snapped to Natasha’s hand and then up to her face.   
“Sasha Essen.” Natasha repeated.   
Vlad took her hand. He quirked an eyebrow up at Natasha as he leaned in.  
“Sasha, you said?”  
Natasha nodded with a smile, and Vlad nodded slowly.   
“Vladimir Igorevich.”  
Vladimir held Natasha’s eyes for a moment before breaking eye contact. From the way Vlad held himself, he seemed to be a former soldier. She figured a man like him had to be in government at this age. He seemed to have the charisma and bearings of a bureaucrat. Natasha had dealt with her fair share of bureaucrats, and Vlad fit the bill. He had a sense of confidence, but when Natasha held his eyes too long, he cowered under her gaze. 

Natasha and Madlene made small talk until the food arrived. Klaus stood up and greeted everyone with a speech. He took a few bites of his food and then made his rounds to his guests. Natasha introduced herself to everyone at the table, and they chatted as the night continued.

Natasha kept finding Vlad’s gaze on her. The looks he kept throwing at her weren’t quite predatory or lustful, but something about it made her uneasy. He almost seemed scared of her. Madlene seemed like a strong-willed woman, and if she was anything like her brother, she probably was the forceful one in her and Vlad’s marriage, so Natasha chalked his cowering up to a man intimidated. It wouldn’t be the first time Natasha encountered men who didn’t know her reputation yet still were scared of her.

After socializing for most of the first course, Klaus sighed and plopped down in his chair to eat. Natasha smiled at Klaus when his eyes landed on her.   
“Klaus, you never told me you had a sister.”  
Klaus’s eyes rested on Madlene and then shifted back to Natasha. He shrugged.   
“She’s married and lives in Russia. We don’t see each other much, so she slipped my mind, I guess.”  
Madlene’s point was made. Klaus obviously didn’t approve of her marriage. Natasha wasn’t sure the dynamic of their relationship. Madlene didn’t seem hurt or bitter with Klaus, but he was obviously the opposite. 

Course after course was served to the guests. People idly chattered while the last course was removed from the tables. Klaus rose from his seat.   
“Let the dancing commence!”   
The room filled with the noise of chairs and shoes clicking on the floor. Steve got to his feet first and offered Natasha an outstretched hand to help her up. She gathered up her dress and found her feet. Steve didn’t release her hand once she stood up and instead, intertwined his fingers with her as they walked. Natasha ran her thumb across his knuckles and leaned against him as they waited to enter the ballroom. Steve squeezed her hand, and Natasha glanced up at him. Her heart fluttered when he looked at her with so much devotion in his eyes. Steve couldn’t fake that look. 

The guests filed onto the dance floor, and classical music filled the room. People began to dance the waltz. Natasha guided Steve as they danced. Steve quickly picked up the movements and began leading Natasha. He twirled Natasha. Steve’s hand splayed across her back during the twirl, and he brought her flush against himself. Natasha smiled as she slid her hand up to his neck and dragged her thumb back and forth on his jaw. Even though no words had been spoken, the way Natasha looked at Steve told him everything he needed to know about where they stood. 

Klaus cut in after the first song. Natasha frowned as Klaus whisked her away.   
“Sorry.” She mouthed to Steve.   
Steve only smiled and retreated to the edge of the dance floor. Natasha and Klaus danced near the band. Natasha sensed all eyes on her. Her eyes lifted to the ceiling as Klaus’s hand inched lower and lower on her back. To distract herself, she traced the intricate art on the ceiling with her eyes. Her heart ached to be with Steve, not with some creep’s hand on her ass. It took everything in her to not throw him off and go running back to Steve. Her eyes slowly descended down the rounded ceilings to a balcony that outlined the perimeter of the room. She noticed guards patrolling the balcony. Her muscles tensed when she thought she saw the flutter of a long black coat in the doorway where the guards entered and exited. She trained her eyes on the doorway for most of the next few dances before she convinced herself that her eyes were playing tricks on her.   
When the music stopped and Klaus was to talk to the guests, Natasha slipped away. She found Steve again. Once Klaus’s speech was over, the music change to modern numbers. She saw Klaus searching the room for her. More people filled the dance floor, and Natasha took that as an opportunity to escape. Natasha tugged on Steve’s hand and pulled him away from the dance floor. She lead him toward the doors that opened to balconies on one side of the ballroom. 

The blustery wind hit them as they slipped away from the party. Natasha leaned against the railing and stared out at the cityline of Berlin. The city blinked and flickered in the dark of the night. Steve dropped his coat on Natasha’s shoulders before he leaned against the railing beside her.   
“It’s beautiful, huh.” Natasha mused aloud.   
Natasha stared out at the city, but Steve’s gaze was on her.   
“Beautiful.” He repeated  
Natasha smiled at the city in front of her as Steve continued.   
“Sometimes you don’t stop long enough to realize the beauty right in front of you,” Steve paused and turned to Natasha. “but then one day everything slows down, and finally you see what you had been missing all along.”   
Natasha noticed his gaze fixed on her. His eyes softened as she faced him. She reached out and tugged on his shirt trying to smooth out any wrinkles. Her hands lingered on his sides as she slowly smoothed the fabric.   
She didn’t want to change their relationship. There was no risk when they were just friends, but her heart yearned for him. Steve touched her cheek, and Natasha leaned into his touch. Her green eyes finally found his sparkling blue ones. Her heart rate jumped as Steve cracked a smile that spoke volumes without ever uttering a word.   
Tears welled up in her eyes. She loved him so much, and they just teetered over the edge into something unknown. This new territory terrified her, but as Steve brushed the tears away, she knew he would have her back. The two of them against the world.   
Steve’s eyes pricked with tears as Natasha lightly pressed her lips against his hand. Her hands slid around Steve’s waist as she pulled herself closer. She brought his face closer to hers and pressed a kiss into the tears that slipped down his face. She snaked her hand around his neck and rubbed her thumb across his jaw. Steve rested his forehead against hers.  
“I see you.” Natasha whispered.  
Steve leaned closer, his lips inching closer to Natasha’s. 

The door creaked, and someone cleared their throat.  
Steve snapped to attention. A doorman smirked at the red lipstick on Steve’s cheeks.   
“Mr. Battenberg wants to see you, Ms. Essen.”  
Natasha nodded as the doorman disappeared back into the party. Natasha turned to Steve and tried to rub away the red lipstick on his cheeks. Natasha leaned her head against Steve's chest and then looked up at him with a smirk.  
“This isn’t over, Rogers.” 

Natasha followed the doorman to Klaus. She stepped inside a dimly lit room down a hallway off the dining room. Klaus, Vlad, and few men, she deduced were Hydra, puffed on cigars. Natasha walked over to Klaus.   
“You asked for me?”  
Klaus tugged on Natasha's hips and pulled her into his lap. Natasha complied with a plastered on smile. His hand slid higher and higher up her exposed leg until Vlad cleared his throat. She silently thanked him for briefly stopping Klaus's ever roaming hands.   
A server offered Natasha a cigar.  
“No, thank you. I’ll take a whiskey though. Neat, please.”  
She took a few sips of her whiskey and then glanced around the room. All eyes were on her. Natasha giggled as Klaus gripped her thigh to assert his claim on her. He wanted the rest of the men to know she was his, or at least, would be eventually.

“So what are we talking about?”   
One of the old men rolled his eyes. He obviously didn’t approve of talking business in front of women. Klaus opened his mouth to answer, but the man shook his head disapprovingly. Natasha could feel Klaus tense up beneath her. She knew how much he hated being told what to do.  
Vlad spoke up instead. “So, Sasha, tell us a bit about yourself.”  
“What would you like to know, Mr. Igorevich?”  
Vlad pondered her question for a moment. Another of the older man interjected.   
“Klaus has spoke a bit about your- your virtues, but are you from a good family? Where are your parents from?”  
Natasha smiled. She constructed a quite detailed backstory on Sasha, but her heritage wasn’t something she focused too hard on. Usually, the father’s family was the only important one, so Natasha went with the answer she knew they would all like.   
“Well, my father is full blooded German. He's always said we were from a line of great merchants dating back to the Renaissance.”  
The men nodded approvingly.   
“What about your mother?” Another piped up.  
That question threw Natasha for a loop. It would be too perfect if Sasha's mother was German too. She settled on telling a small part of her real heritage to give them a quick answer.  
“Russian, but she was adopted to a German family. A long line of German sailors.”

The little Natasha knew about her family came from a sabbatical after she burned all her covers. She had a few vague memories of life before the Red Room, but nothing concrete. When she found her parents’ graves, she found their names. It was so little to go on, and since records during the Soviet Union often disappeared or didn’t survive, Natasha was lucky to find even a birth certificate for her mother.   
Her mother had been born in Russia, not too far from Moscow, but she was given up for adoption at birth to a family who lived in Soviet Germany. Natasha could only assume that was where she met her husband, Natasha’s father, who was a Soviet soldier. At some point, they had Natasha, and then they died. After that, Natasha ended up in the Red Room. 

Vlad looked a bit taken aback by her answer. Natasha guessed he hadn’t expected Sasha to be part Russian with Klaus’s feelings toward foreigners.   
Klaus patted Natasha’s leg. “But she comes from good German families, and that’s all that matters.”  
Natasha chatted with the men for a bit longer, but Klaus ushered her out of the room.   
“I would love if you could talk numbers with them about my current business ventures,” Klaus paused as he dug his fingers into her hips. “because it’s incredibly sexy when you do, but they don’t seem to be very receptive to that. I’ll find you later.”  
Natasha smiled and scurried away from the room. She wanted to find Steve, so they could finish what they had started on the balcony. Her heart raced at the thought of being with Steve. Kissing him because she wanted to. She almost couldn't wait for everything that might happen after they talked. She could be herself. She could indulge the feelings that been lingering in her mind for years. 

But, before Natasha could get down the hallway, Vlad called after her.   
“Could I speak with you for a moment?”  
Vlad stood with his hand on the door knob. His eyes flitted passed Natasha down the hallway, but then settled on her face.   
“Your family is Russian?”  
Natasha nodded. “My mother was Russian, but she was given up for adoption. A German family took her in after that.”  
“Do you know much about your Russian ancestors?”  
Natasha shook her head. She didn’t know why Vlad pushed her for information.   
“Like I said, my mother was adopted, so she doesn’t know much about her Russian heritage.”  
Vlad nodded, but the nod wasn’t for Natasha. She whipped around and came face to face with her nightmare.   
Her body went rigid, and her legs collapsed under her. Her eyes widened with terror as the man placed a cloth over her nose and mouth. Natasha tried to fight, but the drug slowed her reflexes. The mystery man easily pinned her against a wall until she couldn’t fight anymore. He threw her over his shoulder and moved toward a back exit.   
Her ears rang, and then deafening silence followed.  
A voice spoke through the silence. “You will finally see justice, Natalia.”   
And then, everything went dark.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone!! So classes just started for me. Sophomore year, baby! Anyway, I'm juggling class and writing this fic and doing schoolwork, so I've decided to update only on Fridays. I'm hoping to update every Friday, but ya know how life can be sometimes.  
> And again, thank you so much for your kudos, comments, and support! It means the world to me.  
> xx

Snow swirled in the sky as Steve stood alone on the balcony. He held his jacket, the one Natasha had just put back in his hand. She had been whisked away, but the heat of her touch still lingered on his skin. The wind didn’t feel so cold when he thought of Natasha coming back to the balcony and wrapping her arms around him. He stared out at the city. Her words echoed in his head, ‘I see you’. Years of flirting, stolen looks, fleeting moments, thinly veiled affirmations of love and devotion, all lead to that moment. Steve didn’t care about the mission at hand. He just wanted to find Natasha and finish what they started.  
Time passed quickly, and Steve checked his watch. He expected Natasha back by now, but Klaus had a way of monopolizing her time, especially when Steve was around. He slipped back into the party. The room pulsed to the beat of the music. Steve’s eyes searched the crowd for Natasha. He peeked his head into the dining room, but no Natasha.  
Then his eyes caught a glimpse of red hair flash passed the window. He ran toward the window.  
Steve watched in horror as Natasha’s limp body was draped over a tall burly man’s shoulder. She looked lifeless. Steve beat his fists into the glass. He kicked. The glass cracked. A strangled sob escaped Steve’s lips as the man moved toward the open doors of an unmarked van. He couldn’t lose her. Not now. Not after what just happened.  
Steve threw all his weight at the window, and he went flying through the glass. The burly man’s head snapped in the direction of the crash. Steve scrambled to his feet. The man dropped Natasha to the pavement behind him. Steve instinctively moved towards her to try to catch her before she crashed to the pavement. Anticipating Steve’s move, the man seized his opportunity and punched Steve across the face, and Steve staggered under the blow. Tears blurred Steve’s vision. He barely dodged one punch before another slammed into his side. The wind was knocked out of him. Steve gasped and dropped to his knees trying to catch his breath. The man kicked him repeatedly. Steve crawled toward Natasha. He cried out her name.  
“Wake up!” Steve sobbed. “Please!”  
Before Steve reach Natasha, the man grabbed him and tossed him away from her. Steve tapped the comm in his ear three times sending Sam the distress signal because he needed back up. Steve calmed himself down and caught his breath before attacking the man with all the strength he had in him. The sudden force of all Steve’s weight knocked the man off his feet.  
Steve sprinted over to Natasha. He dropped to his knees beside her and cradled her head in his hands.  
“Please just open your eyes.”  
She laid there limp in his arms. Steve sobbed over her lifeless form.  
The man spoke as Steve clutched Natasha and rocked back and forth, mumbling everything he should have said and pleading with her to wake up and fight beside him.  
The man’s voice boomed in the silence.“Tears for her? For a murderer?”  
Steve bared his teeth. Natasha may have had a dark past something she didn’t like talking about, but she wasn’t a murderer, not anymore. She had so much goodness in her. She didn't deserve to be defined by her past.  
“Cold, unfeeling killer. She isn’t capable of love or emotion, Captain.”  
“A psychopath. You have to know you’re just a means to an end. She’ll kill you once she’s done. You do know that’s how she got her name. Natalia strategizes; she doesn't feel, and you are merely a pawn in her game.” The man spat on Steve. “Her ledger is gushing with blood of the guilty, but also the innocent. She deserves a death of pain and torture for her sins. ”  
Suddenly, Steve’s tears stopped. His blood boiled. This man was going to pay for whatever he had said and done to Natasha. Steve got to his feet and found the man standing there gun aimed at him. Steve heard the shot a millisecond before pain seared through his body. His legs crumbled under him. He fell on the ground beside Natasha. He gripped her hand and pulled her body closer to him despite the excruciating pain spreading through his body.  
Natasha’s eyelashes fluttered. She could barely open her eyes. But her eyes found Steve lying beside her, his fingers clinging to her hand. Their eyes connected as the man fired another shot into Steve. Natasha tried to cry out. She tried to fight, but she had no control over her muscles. She was trapped in an immobile body watching the man she loved die in front of her. She tried to force her lips to form a few words. But ‘I love you’ stuck in her throat. Steve rolled over and clung to Natasha as the man moved toward her.  
“Please. Kill me. Just leave her alone.” Steve pleaded.  
Sobs escaped Natasha as the man loomed over her and Steve. She was about to watch the man she loved die, and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. The man grabbed Natasha and threw her over his shoulder. Steve screamed as the man took Natasha and walked toward an unmarked van. He tossed her in the back.  
Steve pushed through the pain and got to his feet. He tried to run after them. Sam arrived seconds after the van sped off into the city. He lunged forward after the van. Searing pain blackened Steve's vision for a moment. He crumbled in Sam’s arms, sobbing.  
Sam injected Steve with a sedative as Steve convulsed with sobs. Steve’s vision blurred once again, and then he drifted off. 

Steve jolted awake, screaming. Pain seared through his body. Wanda sat on the edge of the bed beside him.  
“Tell me it was all a nightmare.” Steve cried.  
Wanda frowned. Tears streamed down her face.  
“I’m sorry, Steve. Sam’s trying to track her down.”  
A quiet sob escaped Steve’s lips.  
“I promised.” He mumbled to himself.  
Wanda pulled back Steve’s bandages and began to stitch together his wounds with her magic. A dull numbness spread through Steve’s body. He knew Wanda was trying to make him feel better both physically and emotionally, but it felt worse. At least he felt something when he thought of Natasha, but with her magic working in him, he was defeated. They had no clue where Natasha was. She could be dead, and Steve didn’t protect her. He promised her, and he didn’t keep it.  
Wanda touched Steve’s arm.  
“You need to sleep. You’ll heal faster if you sleep.”  
Steve nodded. Wanda soothed him until he finally drifted off again. 

Natasha’s head pounded. She tried to open her eyes, but they ached. Her eyelids felt too heavy to even open. Her entire body screamed in pain. Her hearing returned next. She heard a voice muttering.  
“She needs to stay sedated. Ms. Romanoff is extremely volatile.”  
More sedative coursed through her veins. Even with the drugs damping her senses, she knew that voice.  
“Ivan.” She cried out, her voice barely louder than a whisper.  
A chuckle followed. Natasha still couldn’t find the strength to open her eyes. Ivan’s laugh seemed to bounce around the room. It made her head spin.  
“Help me.” was the next thing out of her mouth, but no response.  
“Please!” Her voice trembled.  
The door slammed closed. Her cry for help must anerved Ivan. She was after all the closest thing he had to family. She may have betrayed the Red Room, but Ivan still saw her as a daughter.  
A very lost and treacherous daughter, but a daughter, nonetheless. He thought he could stomach seeing Natasha weak and hurt, but when she cried out for help, he couldn’t do it. Despite her betrayal, it hurt him to see her like this even if she deserved it.  
Before Natasha could process Ivan’s visit, the sedatives lulled her back to unconsciousness. 

Nightmares plagued Steve’s sleep. His dreams kept replaying finding Natasha lifeless on the pavement. He should have done more. Maybe Natasha would be here right beside him if he had been stronger. If he had looked for her sooner.  
He should have been better for her.  
Steve climbed out of bed despite the pain searing through his side. He trudged out to the common area. No one was out there. He made his way downstairs. He was going to find Natasha. He was going to keep his promise to her. He had to protect her.  
As Steve made his way out to the car, his head swam. He tried to push through the pain and keep trudging to the car in the fresh blanket of snow, but he world began to spin. He toppled to the ground. All he could think about was getting to Natasha. He tried to crawl to the car, but Wanda and Sam were by his side after a few minutes.  
Sam gave Steve a stern talking to because they needed him around if they were going to get Natasha back. Steve begrudgingly complied to staying in bed for a day or two longer to let his wounds heal. Sam and Wanda took turns sitting with Steve to keep him company, but mostly to make sure the stubborn man wouldn't try anything. Wanda sat silently beside Steve on the bed.  
“Sam thinks the man took Nat to Russia. We aren’t sure where yet, but a van matching its description and partial plate passed through Russian customs this morning. Sam is running recon with some Wakandan drones.”  
Wanda continued.  
“If you rest another day, you should be back to normal, and then we can go get her.”  
Steve sighed. Another day. Another day away from Natasha. Another day that man could kill her. Another day closer to Steve spending a lifetime away from Natasha with her blood on his hands. 

Natasha jolted awake. The sedatives kept her mostly immobile, but her mind and senses were back. She opened her eyes. She was in the back of a van. She heard Russian being spoken outside the van, and then the door to the van was thrown open. Light poured in. It disoriented Natasha. She tried to shield her eyes, but they were bound behind her. Rough hands dragged her out of the van and threw her to the ground. The cold snow hit her exposed skin. With only the dress from the party covering her, her body shook and trembled in the cold Russian winter. When Natasha finally opened her eyes again, she found darkness. She lifted her eyes toward the sky, and there was the stars. Men with flashlights surrounded her. Her hands groped around in the snow once they cut her restraints. She tried to crawl, but her muscles moved slowly. Boots pummelled her in the side as she tried to crawl away. She just wanted to run away, but she didn’t have the strength. She collapsed in the snow and waited for death or someone to take her.  
A man snatched her up from the snow and made her stand. He made her walk with him, but Natasha couldn’t keep up. Her body was weak, so he dragged her through the snow. He seemed to walk for miles.  
Silence filled the air around them. It was the kind of silence only the snow brings. Everything felt magnified yet dampened.  
The man tossed her in front of him, and she crashed into cement steps. Natasha pulled herself up them. Her eyes lifted to the building in front of her. She almost felt at home here, but then she remembered the horrors, the bloodshed. She broke out in a cold sweat.  
The Red Room.  
Then a voice spoke; a voice that made the hair stand up on Natasha’s neck and shivers go down her spine.  
A voice from her nightmares.  
“Welcome home, Natalia.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // intense domestic violence, brief explicit and derogatory language

Hands hooked her by the armpit and lifted to her feet. Her eyes met Ivan’s. Her suspicions were true. He gave her a mournful look. Regret flashed across his features as Natasha leaned against him waiting and hoping for more strength. Ivan scooped her up and carried her inside. He laid her down on the floor inside of the ballet studio.  
He whispered, “I’m sorry.”  
Natasha shook her head and pushed his arms away from her. Ivan straightened up and crossed his arms, angry at her rejection, but regret still remained on his face  
“Pity look terrible on you, Bezukov.”  
Natasha trembled as boots stomped on the ground toward her. Her nightmare loomed over her. He grabbed her by the hair and dragged her into the real Red Room, the Black Widow training center. The ballet studio was only a front. The Russian government couldn’t have normal people snooping on their top secret child soldier training program.   
The man tossed her into the sparring ring. Natasha’s memories flashed before her eyes. She remembered sparring other girls here. At first, it was all in good fun. They learned from each other. Things changed when they got older. The stakes were higher. Only one black widow could come out of each year, and for many years, none were worthy of the title. In this ring, Natasha killed so many of her friends… her sisters. Tears streamed down Natasha’s face. She hated reliving this. She crawled toward the opposite edge of the ring, but a soldier stood in her way. Natasha sat back and watched as a shadow paced around the ring.   
“What do you want from me?”  
The man scoffed. “Death.”  
Natasha wiped her tears away. She wasn’t going to die crying. She had more respect for herself.  
She sighed. “Then kill me.”  
He laughed. “That’s too easy.”  
Natasha rolled her eyes and scooted toward the edge slowly.   
“Oh, I’d never make it easy.”  
“You can’t fight even if you wanted to. Anyway, I don’t want a fight. I want you to suffer. I want you to relive your sins. I want you to remember the blood gushing from your ledger. I want you to beg for your life.”  
Natasha tried to hide the fear in her eyes. His voice remained calm, but the passion was still there. She knew he wasn’t bluffing. A slow death at the hands of someone who obviously knew her scared her. She couldn’t know how close they may have been. What if he knew the things she feared most? What if he used them against her?  
Natasha reached the ropes that lined the ring. She used them to get to her feet. She stood tall and stared into the darkness trying to find her would-be-killer’s face.   
“Can you walk now?” Ivan mumbled. He stood nearby.  
Natasha took a few steps, holding on the ropes. She moved toward the man. Soldiers swarmed her, and pulled her from the ring. They dragged her to the room that haunted her the most. 

The graduation ceremony room. She remembered getting wheeled on a stretcher down here. She remembered the medical instruments. She remembered fighting a nurse when the doctor pulled out the scalpel. Natasha thrusted the first sharp object she found into the woman’s abdomen. The woman stumbled out of the operating room blood trailing behind her. Natasha added another name to her ever growing ledger that day. She could vividly imagine Madame B slipping in the room and restraining her before another person could get injured. She passed out from pain but woke up with a pit in the bottom of her stomach. She remembered the cold, empty she felt when she ripped away the bandages and found stitches. Her knees hit cold hard floor, but she didn’t cry.   
Natasha emerged from her daze on the same cold hard floor, but this time she cried. She sobbed. They stole everything from her. They stole the last vestige of her innocence that day. She cried for the child who only wanted the approval of the only family she knew, and who turned into a monster who killed without care or emotion. Natasha rested her head against the floor as her body shook with sobs.   
“I deserve this.” She mumbled to herself in between sobs.  
Natasha’s head spun. She just wanted to forget everything. Natasha finally lifted her head and swiped the stray tears from her face. Darkness shaded parts of the man’s face. She stared into his dark, cold eyes.   
“Next?” She sneered.   
He chuckled as Natasha got to her feet. More of her strength had returned. She managed to walk with him as he gripped her wrist and pulled her along. The rough grip and calluses made something in her mind shift. She remembered that feeling. Her chest tightened. She felt like cowering and pulling away from him, but she had to keep up or be dragged.   
One of his men came up behind her and put a bag over her head. They lead Natasha to a car and pushed her inside. They drove for several minutes. Those same rough hands shoved her out of the car back into the snow. Natasha snatched the bag off her head, and familiarity washed over her senses. Her location of her first hit.   
She later found out the man was merely a test of her trust and loyalty to her handlers. She recalled thinking this man seemed too generic to be someone who would be on the wrong end of a hit, but she killed him despite that gut feeling. She hadn’t told anyone about her internal struggle during that first mission. Natasha touched the wall where the man’s blood had once been spilled. The stains were still there, just covered by years of paint. She took a moment to pray to any listening god, hoping for forgiveness. 

This man and Natasha visited many of the moments that haunted her. Moments where she had doubt and pushed it aside. Moments where she was heartless and cold.   
She was pushed into the snow once again, but this time she came face to face with her parents’ gravestones. Natasha reached out and touched the engravings. She muttered a little prayer to them. She hoped they still loved her and could forgive her for blood on her hands. Natasha rested her head against her mother’s headstone.   
“I’ll see you soon.” She whispered.

Someone snatched her up again. They tossed her back in the car, but this time they didn’t cover her head. They drove through the Russian wilderness for nearly an hour. Natasha noticed an old dirt road that disappeared into the woods. The driver stopped beside it. She climbed out of the car without anyone pushing her. Something pulled her toward whatever laid at the end of the road. The man emerged from the car and stood beside her as the car pulled away. He let her walk without dragging her along with him.   
Natasha stared at the wilderness around her. Something was so familiar about these woods. She almost remembered darting through the trees. Running, but from what? She stopped when she saw a clearing in the woods.   
A modern style house stood in the clearing. Giant windows in the front let an observer see inside. There was no movement in the house. It seemed abandoned. He snatched her wrist and pulled her toward the front door. Natasha’s muscles reacted. She pulled away from him. Everything inside her wanted to stay away from that house. He yanked her, and she lost her footing in the untouched, deep snow. He threw her up the steps against the front door. He fumbled with the keys for a moment. Natasha stared up at him from the ground. She felt frozen to the spot. The cold door numbed her back. He grabbed her and tossed her into the house.   
Her eyes scanned the house. She remembered living here. This was her home once. Memories flooded back into her senses. The house was a wreck. Broken glass everywhere. A splintered chair laid against the wall. Someone must have thrown it at the wall in anger. Bloodied rags on the floor in front of her.   
He kicked her, pushing her farther into the house. Natasha crawled onto carpet. She eyed a giant blood stain. Panic spread through her body. Someone died here. There was too much blood here for someone to survive.   
Memories flashed across Natasha’s mind. Natasha closed her eyes in attempts to remember clearly. Hands grabbed her. A voice screamed at her. The voice seemed so familiar. His voice.   
She opened her eyes and turned. She stared at him for a moment.   
“You.”  
He raised an eyebrow as he watched her from a distance.   
Natasha scrunched her face up. She tried to remember. She covered her face and closed her eyes. More of the memory filled her mind.  
\--  
“Natalia, you lying whore.” He screamed.   
Natalia huffed in frustration and walked away from him. His hands snatched her up. He sent her flying, and her back hit the glass with a thud.   
Natalia snickered and touched the bloodied spot on the back of her head.   
“You gotta do better than that, A-”  
\--  
The name was mumbled. Natasha couldn’t make it out.   
\--  
He screamed again and charged at her. He wrapped his rough fingers around her throat and lifted her off the ground. Natalia kicked her legs and gasped for air.  
“You’re fucking Barnes. Don’t lie to me, woman.”  
“He’s better than you.” Natalia choked out.   
He dropped her to the ground.   
“If he knocks you up, I’m gonna beat the shit out of you until there’s no baby.”  
Natalia rolled her eyes. No chance of that now. Not after the graduation ceremony.   
“So he better not knock you up.”  
Her body ached. The stitches from the graduation ceremony throbbed. She knew they were probably already tearing. Ivan would have to stitch her up again.   
“That won’t be a problem.” She mumbled.  
He stopped hollering when his enhanced ears caught her mumbles.  
“What?” He screamed.   
He grabbed her by the throat again and slammed her against the glass again, and this time, it shattered. He dropped her in the pile of glass. Natalia chuckled as she picked glass out of the palms of her hands. He turned away from her and punched the wall. His hand left a gaping hole.   
\--  
Natasha’s eyes darted to the hole in the wall. Still there.   
\--  
He pummeled her over and over again. He screamed in frustration.   
Natalia screamed back, “It won’t be a fucking problem, Alexi. I’m sterile.”  
Something snapped inside her. She had been taught to take beatings. She had been taught to   
respect the men in her life, but she couldn’t take it anymore. She pushed him off with all her   
strength. He assumed fighting position, but Natalia grabbed a gun from the drawer beside her.   
She fired three rounds in his chest. He staggered and fell where the blood stain was in the carpet.  
\--  
The rest of the memory played in her head.   
\--  
Natalia fired three more rounds into Alexi’s abdomen. She stared in horror as blood poured   
from his chest. He gurgled as he reached out for her. Natalia screamed and dropped to her   
knees. She gripped his hand and cradled it against her chest. She hated him with everything in   
her. She never loved him, but she killed him. Her hands frantically tried to stop the bleeding,   
but there was too much blood. It stained her skin and clothes. She sobbed as the rising of his   
chest slowed. She scrambled to her phone and dialed Barnes. She begged him to fix the   
situation. When he arrived Natasha laid motionless beside Alexi’s lifeless corpse, clutching him.   
\--  
Natasha stared in horror at Alexi. Her husband. The Red Guardian. Her husband. She killed him, yet he stood in front of her, very much alive.   
“Alexi.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // implied graphic violence

Alexi loomed over Natasha as the realization washed over her. She stared wide-eyed at the man. But he wasn’t just any man now. He was her husband. They were still legally wed. She never escaped him. Shock overcame Natasha’s body. She trembled, and she couldn’t move. She blocked that bloody night out. She forgot it in an effort to heal. To move past her potentially worst atrocity. She killed him in cold blood. Beatings had gone on for months, and Natasha had taken them. She had grown accostum to the physical brutality because most Russian men she encountered handled women that way, and she had experience it her whole life.  
But then Barnes came into her life. He treated her with kindness. When he touched her, his touch was feather light. He held her like a porcelain doll. He showed her what it meant to truly care for another human being.   
Natasha stared into Alexi's cold, vacant eyes again. She wished she could take it all back. He represented everything she had tried so hard to leave behind, yet it crept up on her again. Her mind blocked out all memories of Alexi because to remember him meant she had to face her sins. She never imagined her past would come back in this form.   
Who was she? She had spent so many years atoning for the blood, yet she hid her worst sin away. She killed him without thought. She killed in cold blood, and no one told her to do it. That sin she had to live with. She couldn’t shift the blame. 

Her mind ran to Steve. Her heart hurt. He believed in her. She even dared to say he loved her, but could he ever love her after this? Could she ever belong to a virtuous group like the Avengers with an attempted murder like his on her hands?   
Natasha sobbed as she thought of how the Avengers, her family, believed in her goodness. They saw through her dark past to the real Natasha, but was it all a fake? Did a cold, unfeeling murderer lie in wait under the kinder exterior? Natasha had begun to believe she belonged with the good guys, but her former instructors’ words played in her head, ‘You have no place in the world’. She believed it was all a lie. She prayed it was a lie. But maybe they were right. Maybe she didn’t deserve a place in the world. Especially, not in the moral and righteous world of Steve Rogers. He deserved so much better. He deserved someone who didn’t lie and kill in the service of others or of herself. 

Alexi watched as everything Natasha knew crumbled before her.

Steve clamored through the snow toward a dark house. Sam said he spotted Natasha here an hour again. He left Sam and Wanda far in the distance. He had to get to Natasha before something happened. He entered the house through the open front door. He moved through the house, and then spotted a blood stain. His heart sunk, and tears welled up in his eyes. He touched the stain, but his fingers came back dry. Hope filled his heart. He moved toward the back of the house into a sunroom.   
The metallic smell of fresh blood hit his nose. He looked down and saw streaks from someone dragging a body. It lead to a back door and then back out into the snow. The blood trail continued. Steve followed. He spotted a petite silhouette in the snow. His body lurged through the snow toward her. He ignored the blood in the snow and focused on Natasha. He slowed as he reached her.   
Her sobs echoed in the quiet wilderness, bouncing off the mountains in the distance. Steve approached her slowly. He lowered himself to the ground and moved toward her. He didn’t want to startled her. His hand clasped down on her shoulder, and he pulled her toward him.  
Natasha melted into Steve’s arms. She shook with sobs as he squeezed her tight, and tears of his own spilled through his tightly closed eyes. Steve kissed the top of her head repeatedly. He kept reminding himself she was in his arms again. He could protect her from the world.   
Steve released her enough to look at her face. Steve lifted her chin and examined her face. She had a few bruises and what looked like a deep cut on her cheek, but overall, she seemed relatively unhurt. Steve brought her face closer to his and pressed a tender kiss against her lips. Natasha kissed him with a fervor, but then more tears streamed down her face. Steve cupped her cheek and stared into those trouble green eyes. She had seen so much horror and pain. He wanted to fix everything. He kissed her once more, and Natasha didn’t reciprocate. She only cried harder. Steve rested his head against her forehead.   
“I love you.” He whispered.   
A pathetic sob escaped through Natasha’s lips. She squirmed from his loving embrace. She turned back to the mountains. Steve tugged on her, but she dug in. Natasha didn’t want his affection. She didn’t deserve it. Steve managed to pull her back and turn her toward him, but that’s when his eyes landed on the corpse in front of her.   
Steve nearly gasped in horror of the scene. His arms went slack. Steve stared in shock at the headless corpse. Blood seeped from the body. His eyes fell back to Natasha. She was covered in blood.   
“What happened?”   
Natasha fell silent, her cries stopping abruptly. She raised her head and stared out at the mountains in the distance.   
“I did what I had to do.”   
The finality of her statement silenced Steve. His mind blanked. He couldn’t stop staring at the corpse she created. He always knew she was capable of this, but seeing it with his own eyes caused him to ponder her life before the Avengers. She never talked much about her past, but this had to be the reason. The horrors of her past scared her. She had the ability to torture and kill, and she feared he and her chosen family wouldn’t be able to understand that wasn’t her anymore. 

Steve believed he knew her so much better now. While much of her past still remained hidden from him, Steve truly understood her for the first time. She believed she had no place in the world because of her past, but Steve didn’t believe that. She had a place, and it was right beside him. 

Natasha hung her head as Steve continued to gape at the corpse. No words were exchanged between the two of them as Sam and Wanda neared. Steve scrambled to his feet before they got close enough to see her finished crime. She heard him mutter to them, telling them to give her space.   
“She needs some space.” Steve said over and over again. “Let her be.”

Natasha dipped her hands into the snow. She rubbed away the blood on her hands. The snow below turned a muddy shade of red. The once pure snow tarnished by her sins. She feared she’d do the same to Steve. 

Steve walked away with Sam and Wanda to keep them away from the gruesome scene. He told them that she needed a minute.   
His words gave her an idea. She slipped away before anyone could look over their shoulder and see her disappear. She broke into a sprint, weaving through the trees. Memories flashed through her mind of escaping from Alexi’s drunken rages through these woods. Her feet worked on muscle memory alone as she moved through the dark woods.   
Tears flowed down her cheeks. She couldn’t tarnish her family, but that didn’t stop her from missing them or regretting her decision to leave. A lifetime away from her family and the one she loved still didn’t seem a sufficient penance for her sins, but she had to start somewhere.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW// Graphic violence, Death

Natasha awoke in a cold sweat. Her heart nearly pumped out of her chest. Her chest moved up and down in time with her racing heart. She tried to slow her breathing and take deep breaths, but she struggled. Her vision blurred and head spinned as she laid her head back down on the pillow. She rolled over. She half expected to meet a kind, but concerned face, but she only found a cold, hard bed and empty space. Numbness spread through her body as her tears trickled onto the pillow. Natasha pulled the blankets tight around her body. Maybe if she concentrated, she could pretend it was Steve’s loving and understanding embrace, helping her through her nightmares.   
But it wasn’t. 

Steve sat alone on a balcony in Wakanda watching another beautiful sunrise. One he wished he could share with Natasha. Months had passed since Natasha disappeared. The worst thing about her disappearing was that if she didn’t want to be found, he probably wouldn’t be able to find her. Steve spent three months following every lead he found, but he either was two steps behind her or completely in the wrong place. The chase infuriated him. He didn’t understand why she shut him out so suddenly. He would have gladly ran away with her. They could pretend they were anyone but themselves; in fact, he wished everyday since she had disappeared into those dark woods, he was anyone else, but Steve Rogers or Captain America. 

A small, quiet ‘hello’ drew Steve out of his daze. He glanced over his shoulder to see Bucky standing in the door way.   
“Hey, Buck. Come sit.”  
Bucky plopped down in a chair beside Steve. They sat in silence, staring out over the mountains. Steve wondered whether Natasha stopped to enjoy a sunrise while on the run.   
“How are you feeling?” Bucky asked after a long silence.   
“Physically fine.” Steve shrugged.   
“She’ll come back.”  
Steve shook his head and glanced over at Bucky. “Will she?”  
Steve’s gaze turned back to the mountains. Bucky probably knew more about Natasha than he did. That thought infuriated him. He knew so little about her past. She held everything so close to the vest. She trusted him, but not with her past.   
Bucky touched Steve’s hand. “You can’t run yourself ragged. You’ll kill yourself running all over the world trying to find her.”  
Steve clenched his jaw. He couldn’t leave her out there alone.   
“Buck, I won’t stop looking.”  
A sad look flashed over Bucky’s face. He knew Steve would never stop. He didn’t with him.   
“Remember you were really sick. That’s the only reason you stopped because you knew you couldn’t continue like that. If you do it again, you might not be so lucky. That serum only does so much, Steve. She’d never forgive herself if you got hurt looking for her. You just have to let her sort it out on her own.”  
Steve shook his head and balled his fists.   
“But she doesn’t have to!”  
Steve pushed himself to his feet abruptly. Tears jumped to his eyes as he stormed into his room.   
Bucky followed him. Steve paced around the room.   
Bucky opened his mouth to speak, but Steve glared at him.   
“You probably know the lov- You probably know her better than I do." Steve looked to Bucky for answers, "If I could just understand her past, maybe she would come back.”  
Bucky furrowed his brow and sighed. “Steve, it’s not my place to tell about her past.”  
“So you do remember?”  
Bucky pursed his lips. He started remembering his stint in the Red Room, but he didn’t want Steve to know. He would push him for information.   
“Please, Bucky.”  
Bucky shook his head. “I can’t. She has to tell you.”  
Steve frowned and turned away from Bucky, but when he turned around, the dark look on his face broke Bucky’s heart.   
“Her past is dark. It’s bloody.” Bucky blurted out. “That’s all I’m willing to say.”  
Steve sighed and sunk to the bed. “I’m sorry. I just want her back.”

 

Natasha’s feet smacked the pavement over and over. The rhythm slowed her thoughts. She could think without an onslaught of nightmarish thoughts clouding her mind. Flashes of the bloody scene appeared in her mind.   
\--  
Alexi charged her. She threw everything she had at him. He had assumed the drugs still dampened her strength. He stumbled under the huge force of her crashing into him. That gave her the chance to wrap her legs around his neck and choke him. He thrashed, and she squeezed tighter. He banged himself into the wall to hurt her, but her choke-hold remain strong. He dropped to his knees, vision blurring from lack of oxygen. Natasha released him a bit to see if she had properly knocked him out, but he thrashed again and threw her across the room. He came at her with a gun. Natasha laid somewhere between awake and unconscious as Alexi hovered over her body. He trained his gun on her. Natasha laid there as he leaned down and smashed his lips against hers.   
Alexi muttered against her lips. “Goodbye, чорт.”  
Alexi cocked the gun and closed his eyes. Instinct made Natasha grasped a piece of glass. Before she could even think, she slit his throat. Blood poured out. Natasha screamed as his body crumpled on to her. She pushed and pushed until she finally rolled him off. Her hands stained with his blood. Again.   
Natasha rocked back and forth, sobbing. After a few moments, Natasha stopped crying. She looked at the body. He seemed to be still gurgling. His eyes were still darting around the room, but his chest was barely rising. She dragged him out into the snow. Maybe she could give him a peaceful last moment.   
The sky was clear. Natasha was reminded nothing was quite like the Russian sky on a clear night. Way out in the wilderness with no light around for miles, the stars were clear and the sky was colorful.   
Alexi and Natasha stared up at the night sky as he took his last breath. Natasha hoped that moment would give her peace, but her eyes fell back to Alexi’s lifeless body. She did this to herself and him. After saying muttering a Russian prayer for his soul, Natasha grabbed his knife and finished the job. She didn’t want a repeat of this situation. She didn’t think she could handle another one.   
\--  
“It was self defense” she told herself. Maybe that was right this time, but last time…   
Natasha stopped and dropped down on a park bench. She let out a heavy sigh. She kept reliving the two times she killed Alexi. What could she have done different? Was she a cold blooded murderer?   
Her mind often ran to Steve. He was a mirror for her. He showed her who she truly was, but after this… she wasn’t sure she could stomach looking in that mirror again. She thought she had broken free of the clutches of her past, but like a disease, it wormed its way back into her mind, into her life. The people and actions that shaped her terrified her, but she wasn’t her without them.   
There was no separating the murderer from the Avenger. 

Bucky and Sam watched as Steve climbed into the quin-jet.   
“You should go with him.” Sam muttered.   
Bucky shook his head. “You should.”  
Sam watched as Steve got the jet started.   
“He wouldn’t let me. I didn’t want to get my ass kicked.” Sam chuckled.   
“He'll run himself into the ground without someone to stop him.”   
Bucky stared out at the mountains that guarded Wakanda from the outside.   
“He’d never let me, and anyway, I still don’t think it safe.”  
Sam scowled. “They aren’t looking for you. You’ve been pardoned.”  
Buck flashed a sad sort of smile as the quin-jet lifted off the ground.   
“Safe for everyone else.”  
Sam glanced at Bucky as Bucky watched for the quin-jet to disappear.   
‘Maybe I should be easier on the old guy,’ he thought. 

Steve waved at the two specs watching him disappear. Maybe he should have let someone tag along, but he thought he might be able to find Natasha easier if he just went to places with importance to her or to them. He didn't want to share their stolen moments over the years. He hoped maybe his love for her would guide him right to her.


	18. Chapter 18

Natasha wandered through Moscow.   
Her home.   
The location of many of her missions.   
Her mind wandered. She always referred to the Red Room assignments as missions. Even she didn’t want to admit that most of what she did was murder targets.   
Moscow was the location of many of her murders. The city dripped with blood of people she killed in the service of the Red Room. She visited her parents’ graves outside the city. She stopped in each place she killed. The blood stains were gone, but they still stained her memory. She committed horrific acts, and somehow she had to learn how to atone for that and repay her debt to the world.   
Natasha sat on a bench in a park and stared at the fountain in front of her. She poisoned a man there. She vividly recalled the encounter.   
A Russian bureaucrat couldn’t keep his hands still as they sat on the edge of the fountain. His fingers wormed their way under the hem of her dress and crawl upward. Natasha giggled as he gripped her thigh and moved his lips closer to hers. Just as he was about to kiss her, she snatched his arm out of her skirt and injected a poison under the nail. A lethal dose of something a tox screen wouldn’t catch.  
Natasha sighed as she remembered turning him over, putting him face first in the water. He struggled as she watched from a distance.   
Now, Natasha whispered a prayer for his soul. She hoped he found peace on the other side. 

As Natasha worked her way through the city toward her hotel room, she passed a familiar restaurant. Barnes took her there once the Red Room released her, her first meal outside the Red Room. He insisted on this restaurant, the best one in the city, he exclaimed to her. They spent hours laughing and comparing scars over dinner. She never tasted anything quite like the spaghetti she ate that night. Maybe it was the freedom, maybe it was just good food, but Natasha knew that was the first time she felt normal. No one expected her to excel and never fail. Failure wasn’t a fear in that brief moment. She remembered telling him she loved him, and he nodded. He knew, and then he said something she would never forget.   
“Love. That’s something they can never take away from you.”  
For the first time in her life, she felt like a human, not an agent.   
If only she could find that innocent humanity again. 

Natasha retired to her hotel room. She sat on the balcony at stared out at the city. She almost chuckled to herself. She did a lot of staring recently. Sometimes the mindlessness of staring at the scenery around her eased the pain. She missed Steve so much, but she knew she would hurt him eventually. She could almost hear his voice reassuring her that they could make it; that she couldn’t hurt him. A lone tear streaked down her cheek as she heard his voice in her head. Solitude was getting to her because his voice sounded so very real. She felt it bouncing around her brain, making her heart ache more.   
“Hi, um.”  
“Russian.” The voice muttered to himself.   
Natasha peered over the balcony railing. Her mind wasn’t playing tricks on her. The voice was very real. It took everything in Natasha’s body to not call out for Steve. She wanted to. She even tried, but her words got caught in her throat. Steve barely managed a few words in Russian to the vendor on the street, and then wandered off toward the city center. Natasha watched as Steve disappeared, her heart in her throat and tears spilling from her eyes.   
She collapsed back in her seat. Her mind was occupied with thoughts of Steve. She was surprised he managed to come to the right city, but he knew her well. He probably figured start where everything began for Natasha and work forward. 

Steve started with the Red Room. He knew Natasha probably wouldn’t be there, but it was a start. After getting some directions from a street vendor, Steve left the city center.   
The unassuming ballet studio in front of him was the location of Natasha’s painful upbringing. Steve knew the Red Room was so much more than just this simple ballet studio, but looks were deceiving. He half wondered if he’d find Natasha dancing her troubles away in one of the studios.   
Steve spent countless sleepless nights watching Natasha get lost in the music. Most times she didn’t notice his watchful gaze.  
But Steve knew Natasha wouldn’t be there. He rushed here. He ignored everyone’s pleas for him to stay. The Red Room and Natasha’s past loomed over him, and she wasn’t here. Steve didn’t know where to go from here.   
Steve felt lost. No direction. No Natasha by his side nudging him in the right direction.   
He knew so little about her past. His next lead was years later from this painful beginning.   
“Natasha.” Steve muttered to the air around him.   
He shook his head and buried his head in his hands. He felt embarrassed speaking to her when she wasn’t present, but he kept going.   
“I know you’re out there somewhere- somewhere alone. You don’t have to be. I’m here for you. I have your back.”  
Steve sighed, his voice shaking a bit. Steve rubbed his eyes, pushing the tears from his eyes.   
“Like I always have.”  
Silence filled the air. Steve didn’t know why he expected a response to his prayer, but, still, the silence shattered something inside him. He sulked back towards the city. He would need to find somewhere to sleep for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry this isn't a very long chapter - Classes have been a bit crazy.. I'll try to make it longer next week.


	19. Chapter 19

Natasha moved on from Moscow overnight. Next stop on her tour of the past was Prague. She spent a few months in Prague doing freelance jobs after leaving the Red Room, so Steve wouldn’t know to come here. Natasha could move around the city in peace. Maybe she could start forgetting about him, but Natasha knew that would never happen no matter how hard she tried.   
After settling in, Natasha left the inner city. There was someone she wanted to see. She stood in front of a small house on the outskirts of the city. She stood at the door, unmoving. She tried to work up the courage to knock. Her heart pounded against her ribcage. She manually breathed because if she didn’t she thought she might cease breathing completely.   
The door opened up just before her hand made contact with the wood. An elderly woman stared at Natasha with a small smirk on her lips and piercing eyes, ones identical to Natasha’s. That smile touched Natasha’s heart. It felt like a sort of homecoming. Natasha knew that smile so well, yet she had little recollection of it. This was the last vestige of family she had, Ivan had told her.   
“Natalia.” The woman smiled. “It’s been a long time.”  
Natasha sighed, her heart briefly feeling peace. The woman’s voice soothed the storm inside her for a moment.   
“Babushka.” Natasha whispered as her paternal grandmother ushered inside.   
There was so much Natasha wanted to tell her, but her grandmother barely knew her. A curly headed toddler was her last memory of Natasha.   
Babushka handed Natasha a cup of tea. She watched as Natasha stared out the window at the sky. Babushka cleared her throat before taking a sip of her tea. Natasha snapped to attention.   
“Babba, I’m sorry I never came to see you.”  
Babushka nodded.   
Natasha’s voice trailed off as her eyes landed on a picture of her and her parents. Natasha became entranced for a moment. She looked nearly identical to her mother, but her eyes, she took after her father in that respect. She wondered what they would think of her now. Her heart ached knowing her mother could never give her advice. Her mother could never tell her how to deal with her feelings toward Steve. Natasha felt robbed of a happy life, the life she should have had.   
Ivan had revealed to her just before Alexi took her away that she still had family. He told her of her grandmother. He had helped Babushka escape Russia when Natasha’s parents died. She wished her parents could guide her now, but Babushka would have to do.   
“I only discovered your existence a few months ago.”   
The woman nodded again. She didn’t speak. ’Stoic Russians’, Natasha mused, but she worried it was too late for a relationship with Babuska.  
“I’m sorry.” Natasha whispered to herself. She rose from her seat. “I shouldn’t have come here.”  
Natasha shook her head, trying to shake away the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She gathered her things, but a hand caught hers.   
“Sit, child.”  
Natasha did as commanded. Tears spilled from her eyes as her babba frowned.   
“You’re troubled.”  
Natasha rolled her eyes. It didn’t take much to deduce that.   
“Tell me what’s troubling you.” Babba continued.   
Natasha sighed before beginning. Babushka nodded along, taking everything in stride. Natasha spilled everything out in that parlor. Horrid things she swore she never speak of again. Happy moments with the Avengers. The good and the bad. Babba never seemed disappointed in her. In fact, she showed little emotion either way. ‘A good Russian’, Natasha thought to herself.   
“Natalia, you did bad things.”   
Natasha bit her tongue. After everything she had said, all her babba had to say was ‘you did bad things’? White, hot anger and frustration boiled in her chest. She needed guidance, not chiding.  
“You have to reconcile that within yourself. No one can help you with that.”  
The storm resumed its crashing in her heart and mind. Fear and depression swelled and replaced the anger. She knew Babba spoke honestly, and ultimately, this was the guidance she needed even though it didn’t do much to heal the aching wound in her heart.   
The conversation turned lighter. Babba told Natasha about her parents, even giving her one of the photos she had of Natasha’s former life.   
Darkness fell over the city, and Natasha and Babba concluded their visit. Natasha moved through the threshold of the door. A steady hand caught Natasha’s before she could get too far. Babba enveloped Natasha in her arms.   
Months of aching smacked into Natasha as her grandmother’s arms squeezed her. Babba’s hands rubbed Natasha’s back soothingly as Natasha sobbed into Babba’s shoulder. Russians weren’t usually ones for physical affection, or really any affection, but Babba could make an exception for her long lost grandchild. Natasha peeled herself away, and Babba touched her cheek. “I’ll see you soon, Natalia.”  
Natasha nodded and turned back toward the city. She glanced over her shoulder at the woman, at her grandmother, her babushka. A few months ago, if someone had told her she would be spending time with her grandmother, she would have never believed it. Most of her life she had been told her entire family died in a terrible accident, but Ivan hide Babba from her. She didn’t know why, and at this point, it didn’t matter because she had Babba now. 

Steve awoke in a jolt. Nightmares plagued his sleep. Both consciously and unconsciously, he worried about Natasha. Many of his nightmares revolved around finding Natasha too late, her dead or injured. Steve stared out at the darkened Russina skyline. He had no clue where to go from here. As soon as business hours started, Steve called all of Natasha’s contacts he knew of. Maybe someone would have a tidbit of information that would illuminate the path, hopefully leading him to Natasha.   
But Steve had no such luck. He suspected Natasha would not contact these people specifically because Steve knew of them, and his suspicions were confirmed. Natasha had been radio silent for months.   
Steve slammed his phone down in frustration. Square one again. 

Steve spent a few days searching Moscow like a haystack with a needle hiding within it, yet the needle knew how to hide so well he would never find it. He ended every day on a bench outside the Red Room. He watched and waited.   
Little kids bobbed out of the studio with their parents. It almost looked innocent. Steve sighed. He knew Natasha wasn’t here, but examining her former home almost gave him the connection to her and her past. One he had been searching for.   
Watching the parents lead their small children in and out of the studio gave Steve an idea.   
After a bit of searching, Steve approached two nondescript gravestones. ‘Romanov’, they read.   
Natasha’s parents.   
Steve dropped to his knees in front of their graves. His fingers grazed the cold marble. He closed his eyes and traced the name over and over again.   
“I’m searching for your daughter.”  
He almost cringed at his desperation. Talking to the dead seemed so foolish, but he had no better option. He knew they would not speak, but he had hope in a sign.   
“Ya know, I thought she was amazing when we first met. Then I learned of her reputation. The gossip- for a moment, I let it consume me. I believed what others believed about her reputation. She was the best because she didn’t have morals,”  
Steve paused, recalling meeting her just before the Battle of New York. He remembered being in awe of the almost reckless way she fought the Chitauri. Then when he joined Shield, and they started working with the Strike team, those men used to mumble about her reputation. Nothing would stop her from getting the mission done. “She was an assassin before she defected”, they said, “she’ll probably defect to the highest bidder.” Steve always chidded them because they were a team he needed everyone to trust each other, but the whispers ate away at him. Was she as bad as they made her seem?  
He learned to the contrary on their missions. She set him straight, and he learned she was loyal. But, alas, the thought still lingered in the back of his head.

But then Hydra overthrew Shield.   
Natasha and Steve forced to go on the run together, forced to find trust in each other, and Natasha opened up. He found a woman in need of someone who didn’t want anything from her. Someone who just cared and trust in her, and Steve was more than willing to be that for her. They forged a friendship that became something more than just necessity. Admittedly, Steve adored her, her wit, her teasing, their friendship, and he eventually loved her. First as friends, and then something far more. Something deep within his soul was connected to hers, and he fell for her.   
“But then I got to know your daughter. I saw a side of her she kept close. Her willingness to be vulnerable with me despite my previous distrust of her showed me her honor, and her heart. She has such a capacity for love and kindness.”  
Steve sighed. “And I fell in love with her on those missions.”  
Then it hit Steve. If she was reliving her past, maybe she would visit places from their history. He knew it was a huge stretch, but he nothing better to go on. He would start with their first missions together and work forward. Hope surged through his body. He knew the chances were slim, but something felt right about his decision.


	20. Chapter 20

Natasha looked over a glittering pond toward the setting sun.  
She could almost feel Steve’s presence beside her as she thought about their first undercover mission year ago.  
At the time, he had trusted her skill, not her. The Strike team had done an excellent job of jading him. She and Steve were sent on an undercover mission, just the two of them. She thought Fury sensed Steve’s distrust, so this was an exercise to establish more trust between partners.  
Years ago, Steve sat here beside her. They watched the sunset after their mission was finished, and Natasha set Steve straight.  
\--  
“I know that the Rumlow and the guys told you about me, and specifically, my past.”  
Steve froze.  
“You probably think I have no morals. A former assassin can’t have any, right?.” Natasha spoke calmly as her eyes absentmindedly followed the geese floating across the pond.  
Steve’s head snapped toward her. She didn’t look at him though.  
“I may be somewhat morally ambiguous. I do what has to be done, but I do have a moral code. I may have lived like that before, but I left that life for a reason.”  
Steve focused on his hands.  
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled.  
Natasha shrugged. “I’m not upset. It’s understandable with my reputation. I just wanted to set you straight. You should always get your information as close as you can to the source. That’s rule number one of being a spy.”  
An awkward silence followed. Steve and Natasha both watched the rippling pond and geese take off and fly off into the distance. The silence slowly turned from awkward to almost comfortable.  
“Are you going to turn me into a spy, Natasha?”  
Natasha scoffed. “You’ll never be good enough to call yourself a spy.”  
Steve glanced over at Natasha and finally she met his eyes with what he would come to know as her signature smirk.  
\--  
Natasha sighed as she rose from the bench. She pushed through the evening crowds toward her temporary home. A familiar face bobbed through the crowd. He moved through the crowd coming right for her.  
Time seemed to slow as Steve scanned the city while he walked. Natasha watched him, frozen in place. People pushed passed her and mumbled curses and angry comments. She was almost entranced by the darker, shaggier hair and full beard he sported. She missed him. Her body ached to be held by him. She missed his reassuring words, but before he could notice her, Natasha darted into an alleyway. She wasn’t ready to see Steve again. Not yet.

A flash of red hair in his peripheral caused Steve to snap his head in the opposite direction. Steve cursed his mind for playing tricks on him, even though he could have sworn he saw Natasha. 

Natasha let out a shaky breath as her back hit the closed door of her hotel room. Again, Steve was so close, but she wasn’t ready. As she watched the city pass by her window, Natasha wondered if she would ever be ready to see him again. She left. She abandoned him, but she had her reasons. She was a poison, a disease to a healthy team. Death followed her, and she had never been able to shake it.  
But Steve had always been so understanding. She didn’t know if she could move on without someone’s help. Her heart pulled in both directions. To be with Steve and work through it or go it alone… find herself alone. Alone seemed terrifying, but the prospect of seeing Steve again after so many months had passed terrified her too. What if he was different? She already felt like she wasn't the same person anymore. So much could change in a few months. Everything caused panic to rise in her chest. Since when had she been a panicky person?

Natasha remembered Steve’s words. He trusted her. She trusted him. 

Steve told her she didn’t owe him anything, yet she felt more and more everyday that she owed him everything. He was searching the world for her. He had taken bullets for her. He had protected her, and hiding from him was how she repaid him. She couldn’t fathom a world without him, yet that’s what she forced herself to do. Learning to live without him felt like learning to breathe with no air. He had been her everything, her rock, for so long, and almost running into him reminded her of how hard it had been since she left.  
Her body ran on little sleep. Nightmares plagued the night. She could fight them off during the day, but in the darkness, in the shadows of the night, Natasha was helpless against her demons.

Since when had she become so dependent on someone? Her instructors would be so disappointed. They preached self-reliance. Natasha bought into it for so long. She didn’t need anyone, and then she found the Avengers. She met Steve, and everything changed. Her world had been flipped upside down.  
After fighting by Steve’s side for so long, her walls gradually came down. She trusted him, and somehow she had become worthy of his trust and loyalty. 

Night fell over Prague. Darkness clouded Natasha’s mind. The nightmares would come soon. Maybe it would be better to not sleep at all, so that’s what she did. She switched on the TV in her tiny hotel room. For a time, the foreign tv show numbed her pain, but her mind still wandered. What was Steve doing right now? She spent her night pretending she wasn't worried about Steve being in a foreign city with no friends, no contacts. 

Steve settled into a booth at a bar and ordered a meal. He scanned the room. No red hair. All day he saw flashes of red hair in the corner of his vision. It felt as though Natasha was nearby, yet evading him. He wondered where she was as he watched the foreign news on the TV above the bar. He prayed she wasn't getting into any trouble. He couldn't be there to protect her, and the thought of her getting hurt in some foreign city with no friends, no one who really cared about her, sent a pang of fear through his body. 

Two hearts. One city.  
Yet, Natasha and Steve were worlds apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again... sorry I know this is a short chapter. I promise they will get longer as things are winding down.  
> I am planning on about 5 more chapters and maybe an epilogue.


	21. Chapter 21

Natasha’s eyes snapped open, and her body jolted from her dream. Her neck ached from slumping over in the stiff hotel chair. She stretched her body and yawned.   
Natasha moved over to the window and gazed up at the dark sky; a few stars blinked back at her. She sighed, wondering if Steve was looking up at these stars too. She knew he loved the stars; though, it was never something they had discussed. Many times she had watched him draw the stars in his sketchbook. He had had a habit of tracing constellations into her skin. She remembered eventually recognizing the shape and the lines as he absentmindedly touched her arm as he calmed her or himself after a nightmare. She missed those little unspoken things they knew about each other. Honestly, she missed everything about him. 

Steve flipped through the channels. He couldn’t understand most of what the people were saying anyway. He switched the tv off and glanced out his window. Some stars broke through in the sky. He scanned the sky for different constellations, but the light from the city drowned out most of the stars. He let out a defeated sigh before falling into bed and trying to get a few hours of sleep. 

Natasha dressed and left the hotel before light peeked above the horizon. She moved across Europe to Paris. So much of her life had happened in that city, good and bad. It was the perfect city for her to assess her life and weigh the good and bad.   
After Natasha arrived and dropped her few things off at the nondescript motel she just booked, she walked around the city. Her wandering lead her to a secluded part of the city, a place tourists often didn’t venture into. She and Steve spent a few weeks here on a mission. It had been a mostly surveillance mission until Natasha decided things were moving too slow.   
\--  
Natasha sauntered into a target’s business. Steve followed behind her. He knew they wanted to stir him up, but Natasha seemed hell bent on little more than just annoying him. The target lead the “newly-weds” into the back room. His business front was flooring, but his real business was smuggling ancient artifacts into France. He had something of a particular interest to the Avengers. Natasha flirted with the target as he showed her flooring samples. Steve watched as Natasha’s eyes scanned the warehouse before returning to the target’s. She flashed a coy smirk before leaning in to talk to him.  
“Monsieur, I have heard you deal in-” She paused, choosing her words carefully. “valuable goods. My husband and I-”  
The target’s face scrunched up. “I don’t know what you are suggesting.”   
Natasha glanced at Steve and bit her lip. Her eyes flitted back to the target.   
“Smuggled artifacts.”  
The man scowled.   
“No. We do not.”  
Natasha chuckled. “Monsieur, I assure my husband and I will be very discreet about the business we do here with you.”  
The man shook his head. “No, madame. You have the wrong place.”  
Natasha stepped closer to the man and toyed with the lapel of his jacket.  
“Monsieur.” She said with more force.   
The man glanced over at Steve, and then recognition washed over his face. Steve frowned. The man’s eyes returned to Natasha and for a moment, Steve thought he read the man wrong because he began to converse with Natasha, still assuring her that he didn’t smuggle goods into the country. His hand inched around his back, and in the blink of an eye, he pulled out a gun. Steve leapt towards Natasha and pulled her out of the way just as the target pulled the trigger.   
The bullet seared by Steve’s side. He clutched his side once Natasha was clear of the man’s aim. Natasha stopped dead in her tracks and watched a blood seeped through Steve’s shirt. Her eyes snapped up to Steve’s. She scowled at him, and he knew she was silently cursing him for throwing himself in front of a bullet for her.   
“Rogers, we are gonna talk about this once I secure the target.”  
Natasha sprinted toward the target and took him down quickly. She hogtied him and left him in the middle of the warehouse. Steve peeked at the wound as Natasha returned to him.   
“Looks like it just grazed me.” Steve muttered.   
Natasha still had a perturbed look on her face.   
“I called Interpol. Let’s out of here.”  
“Are you okay to walk back?”  
Steve nodded. “But the blood might be a little alarming.”  
Natasha’s forehead wrinkled in thought. After a moment of thought, she sidled up to Steve and pulled his arm around her neck. She interlaced their fingers. Her body hid his bloodied side. They walked back to their safehouse without a suspicious glance from anyone. Two lovers walking around Paris was a normal sight. 

Steve sat down on the edge of the card table in their safehouse as Natasha gathered the first aid kit she packed. When she returned, Steve tried to pull his shirt off, but he winced as the skin stretched and pulled around the wound. Natasha moved between his legs and tugged on the hem of the shirt. Steve’s eyes lifted to hers as he tried to remove his shirt on his own again.   
Natasha rolled her eyes, “Just let me help.”  
Steve relaxed and let her help. He pulled one arm out of the shirt. Natasha helped him pull it over his head; their faces mere inches apart. Natasha’s eyes flitted down to Steve’s lips for a moment. She didn’t understand the pull to him she felt when they were this close. Steve held her eyes, and neither of them moved. Natasha’s hands slipped under the fabric to pull off his body. Her fingers traced moved across his muscles.  
Once the shirt was off, Natasha grabbed the alcohol and began disinfecting the wound. Steve grimaced as she dabbed the wound clean. She applied the bandage and stepped back.   
“All done.”  
Natasha watched Steve for moment. If she wasn’t mistaken, his legs briefly closed around her as she moved away, trying to keep her close. She wondered what was going on in his head.   
“Thanks.” He mumbled.   
Natasha shook her head. “Thank you.”  
Steve shrugged.   
“You’re my-,” For barely a second he hesitated. They had spent a lot of time together after taking down Hydra, and something felt different since that kiss. “friend.”  
Natasha noted the hesitation. Something had shifted between them.   
\--  
That mission marked a change in their relationship. The first time he comforted her after a nightmare and vice versa. But even then, things were so much clearer. Steve was her best friend. Her past was her past.   
Now, her past was intricately intertwined with her present, and Steve was… so much more than a friend.

Steve spent a few more days in Prague before moving on to another city. He stopped by a little café he and Natasha had once visited during a mission. During their visit, a masked group took the café hostage. This wasn’t news to them because they had been tracking this group for weeks.  
\--   
“This is a robbery.”  
Natasha and Steve crouched. One masked man split up men and women. Steve frowned as he and Natasha were forced to go to opposite sides of the café.   
Natasha watched the team work. They wouldn’t just hit a café. Something about this place was important.  
Steve didn’t make the same observations. He began inching forward trying, hoping to get closer to a sobbing woman as one of the criminals held a gun to her head. Natasha knew this group wasn’t cold blooded killers, so she didn't bother. She watched and waited, but Steve wasn’t so patient.   
In one quick fluid motion, Steve hopped to his feet and launched an attack on the leader.   
The other robbers trained their guns on Steve. Natasha had no time to think or plan her attack. She kicked a gun out of one man’s hand and then used his body to knock down another. She leapt onto another and held him into a choke hold until he passed out. The one assailant she knocked to the ground with the body of another shakily aimed his gun at Steve as Natasha choked the other guy. Natasha rolled and kicked his hand just before the gun went off. The bullet lodged itself in the wall behind Steve.   
Steve’s head snapped in her direction, and she frowned at him.   
“Dumbass.” She mouthed at him.   
Steve tried not to smile as Natasha soothed the customers and instructed the staff to call Interpol. Before the police arrived, Natasha and Steve left the premise.   
“You saved my life.” Steve chuckled.   
Natasha rolled her eyes.   
“Don’t get sentimental on me, Rogers.”  
Steve smiled as they walked.   
“You like me.”  
Natasha shot a glare in his direction. “I just don’t want to have to look for a new partner.”  
Steve smirked at her.   
“Suurree, Romanoff.”  
\--  
Steve missed the days when they could relax after a mission was over. He hadn’t relaxed since Natasha disappeared. He constantly worried about her well being. She had a reckless streak, and he wasn’t there to protect her. He couldn’t imagine what he would do if something happened to her during this time apart. Visions of losing Natasha filled his nightmares most nights. He found it hard to sleep without Natasha by his side. Everything was harder without her.


	22. Chapter 22

Steve...   
“I love you, you dork.”  
Those words echoed in Steve’ mind. His thoughts wandered to the moments they shared. His some of his favorite things happened right in this city. Paris had been an escape for the two of them. They came here to relax after hard Eurpoean missions because Natasha had a lavish safehouse in a secluded section of the city. He got to know a different side of Natasha here.   
\--  
Natasha stretched out on a blanket near the Eiffel Tower. The cotton candy sky glittered in her eyes. She sighed as she took a sip of wine.   
“Paris is different as a tourist.” She chuckled.   
Steve nodded as he sketched. They both knew he wasn’t quite listening to her as she mumbled. Natasha watched him work diligently on his sketch. Her eyes landed on the landmark in front of them. She took in the sights. She had never stopped long enough in Paris to see the beauty it had to offer.   
“You know this is the city of love, Rogers.”  
Steve hummed in response. “Yep.”  
Natasha rolled her eyes as she filled her glass again. Her head buzzed from the alcohol. She told herself on more glass, and then she would stop.   
“You ever been here with… anyone special?”  
Steve paused, registering her words for a moment. “No.”  
Natasha watched a couple holding hands as they sat on a blanket a few yards in front of her and Steve. Another couple held hands as they walked down a path. Love was everywhere in the city. She glanced at Steve. He was back to his sketching, unaware of his surroundings.   
“You like Paris, huh.”  
“Yeah.”  
Natasha tugged on her lip as she watched him and then her eyes flitted around to all the couples. She scooted a little closer to Steve. She couldn’t seem to stop herself from screwing with him.   
“We should make a special memory here.”  
Steve nodded. Natasha leaned her head on his shoulder. He closed the book and glanced down at her.   
“What do you have in mind?” Steve answered.   
Natasha scanned the surrounding couples. A few kissed, others just cuddled. Natasha tilted her head up to look at Steve. She didn’t think. She pressed her lips against his cheek. Steve leaned into her touch.   
When she pulled away, Steve flashed her a boyish grin. Steve’s eyes lifted to hers.   
“That was pretty special.”  
Natasha rolled her eyes as she downed the rest of her wine.   
“More than that might happen if you don’t get this bottle away from me.”  
Steve blushed and grabbed the bottle from her. Natasha hopped to her feet. He bit his lip as he watched her gather their things. She sighed as his eyes met hers.  
“God, I love you, you dork.” She shook her head and mumbled, quiet enough she thought he wouldn’t hear.  
But he did.   
The words crashed into him. She loved him? Maybe she didn’t mean it that way, but Steve couldn’t unhear those words. He couldn’t unsee the smile on her lips as she glanced at him after saying it.   
It’s the alcohol, he told himself.   
But her eyes. They were clear. She might have had a buzz, but she meant those words. He felt it in his heart.   
He helped her fold their picnic blanket.   
They met in the middle, and she flashed a grin at him that made his heart skip a beat. He fought the urge to kiss her. He let go of the blanket in her hands, and briefly, their fingers touched. A shot of electricity coursed through his body.   
Once she packed the blanket away, she shoved the basket into Steve’s arms, and they began walking back to the safehouse. Natasha walked a few steps ahead of him.   
“Nat.”   
They paused under the Eiffel Tower. Natasha turned back to him. The urge to kiss her popped into his mind again. She waited for his reason for stopping her.   
He stepped a little closer. Natasha’s eyes snapped up to Steve’s. She focused on him. His actions told her he was going to kiss her, and she couldn’t decide how she felt about that. But she wasn’t trying to stop him. Steve shook his head and started walking, but then he stopped suddenly again. He leaned down and pecked her cheek before speed walking away from her. Natasha smiled as she rolled her eyes. She jogged to catch up to him and said, “You’re a dork, Rogers.”  
\--  
That moment forever changed him. He couldn’t get her words out of his head. He couldn’t get her out of his head. He had fallen utterly and completely for Natasha. 

 

Natasha...   
She had fallen for Steve long before either of them realized their feelings for each other. Little things about Steve made her stomach flutter and her heart soar. She fell slowly, but when she realized, she fell hard.   
The way Steve took care of her finally did her in.   
\--  
Natasha bared her teeth as Steve fished a bullet out of her leg. Blood covered both of them. Natasha laid back trying not to scream out in pain. Steve scooted a little closer to her.   
“Squeeze my shoulder if you need to.”  
Natasha gripped his shoulder as he finally grabbed the bullet. All he had to do was pull it out now. Natasha leaned forward and put her head against his shoulder. She shut her eyes tight as Steve muttered apologies for causing her pain.   
“Get it out.”   
Tears escaped her tightly closed eyes. She buried her face in his neck as he began pulling the bullet from her leg. She dug her fingernails into his skin.   
“God.” She whimpered as the bullet finally left her flesh.   
She relaxed as Steve dropped the bullet in a bowl and wrapped his arms around her.   
“I’m sorry.” He whispered in her hair.   
She shook her head. “You had to.”  
Steve dropped his arms and got to disinfecting the wound. He wiped away the blood that pooled around the wound and dripped down her thigh. He then offered his hand for her to hold as he poured rubbing alcohol over the wound. Natasha groaned.   
“That never stops hurting.” Natasha chuckled through bared teeth.  
Steve frowned.   
“I’m sorry.”  
Natasha let out another strangled chuckle as he started stitching up the wound.  
“You need to stop apologizing, Steve. You’re helping me even if it hurts.”  
Steve nodded to let her know he was listening as he continued carefully stitching her wound back together. He pressed gauze against the wound. Natasha held the gauze down as Steve stretched out tape to hold the gauze in place. He delicately lifted her leg and placed the tape against her skin. One hand held her thigh as he slowly wrapped tape around to hold the gauze on the wound. Once he finished, he rested his hands on her knees.   
“All done.”  
“Thanks, Dr. Rogers.”  
Steve smiled in response.   
Natasha slid off the table. Pain seared through her leg, causing her to wobble. Steve caught her before she could fall. He scooped her up and carried her over to her bed. He lowered her to the bed and then pulled the covers over her. She rolled her eyes as he tucked her in like a child. The pain meds he had given her just before he started fishing the bullet out had finally kicked in. Her head swam, and then she drifted off to sleep.   
Suddenly, she jolted awake after a few hours of sleep. Their safehouse was dark. Natasha propped herself up to look around, and her eyes landed on Steve. He had positioned himself beside her. His head drooped to the side in his sleep. Natasha poked him.  
“Hey, go to bed.”   
Steve blinked a few times before focusing on her.   
“Go to bed.” She repeated.   
Steve rubbed his eyes. “No. I wanna be nearby if you need anything.”  
Natasha bit her lip as she watched Steve settled back into a comfortable position. She poked him again.   
“You’re just the next room over. I’m fine.”  
Steve shook his head, but didn’t open his eyes. “I’m staying. To take care of you.”  
Natasha rested back on the bed. She stared at the ceiling. Steve’s relentless mothering was almost endearing. It took her a moment to realize why it touched her heart so much to see him concerned about her wellbeing. His little gestures over time had shown him how much he trusted her, and she finally realized he cared about her more than she had realized. As drowsiness floated over her, her mind wandered somewhere it shouldn’t have.   
‘I think I love him’, she thought to herself.   
Her mind snapped back to reality. She couldn’t have feelings for Steve. Their relationship worked as it was. She couldn’t muck it up be falling for him, yet in her heart, she knew she had loved him for awhile.   
\--  
Natasha recalled that morning after she finally realized her feelings. She watched Steve as he slept beside her bed with his hand on hers. The touch sent a wave through her body. She had fallen for him completely now, but Natasha knew how to compartmentalize. She tucked away those feelings, believing they would never be reciprocated.   
Now, she learned she was wrong. Steve loved her too, yet she pushed him away. She struggled to reconcile her feelings and her sense of justice. She longed to be with him, but did she deserve happiness with Steve?


	23. Chapter 23

Natasha’s feet pounded the pavement as she weaved through the alleys and lazy back streets of Paris. The sun had just peeked over the horizon. Running kept her in shape and helped he clear her mind. She hoped a morning run could clear the thoughts that plagued her at night. Another sleepless night tossing and turning wondering what she would do about Steve. She dropped down in the grass and stared up at the illuminated Eiffel Tower. She remembered everything she loved about Steve, but in the same thought, she reminded herself of everything she hated about herself. But if Steve could love her despite it, maybe she could move on.   
Her mind drifted off to the events of the last few months. She finally let herself think about Alexi. For the first time in months, she thought through his death at her hands. She let herself process it. She killed him in self defense. She assured herself of that. The other deaths at her hands she couldn’t explain away that easily, but that wasn’t the point. She spiraled to this moment because of Alexi’s death.   
Natasha sighed. She finally came to the conclusion the decision must be Steve’s. She couldn’t live in this world of what ifs she had created. Steve would accept her or he wouldn’t, and she would have to live with the consequences.   
Now to find Steve, or lead him to her. 

After a few days, Natasha spotted Steve during one of her morning runs. He jogged around a park Natasha used as a shortcut. She spent a few mornings watching him mapping out his morning route. After a week of figuring out his route, she set out to reveal herself.   
Natasha started her jog like every normal morning. She lapped the block her safehouse was on scanning for any suspicious individuals. She noticed a new face at the cafe across the street, but well-travelled tourists or people from other parts of the city would sometimes discovered this spot. The woman sipped a cup of coffee and scanned a French newspaper. Natasha took a second look at the woman. She was dressed in running gear, and Natasha realized she had seen this woman on her runs before. She often was jogging a similar route but always ahead of Natasha. She nodded and smiled at the woman as her eyes lifted and met Natasha’s. The woman waved politely and then returned to her paper.   
Natasha did one last lap before jogging toward Steve’s route. When she rounded the corner across from the cafe again, the woman was gone.   
Natasha weaved through backstreets to Steve’s running spot. As she slipped through an alley, she heard feet hit the pavement and a soft grunt. Natasha whipped around just in time to dodge a baton hit to the head. She snatched the woman’s hand and disarmed her. She finally got a clear look at her attacker's face.   
“Oh my god.” Natasha half chuckled.   
A small smirk appeared on the woman’s face before she kicked Natasha’s hand away. They fought, evenly matched for a moment. Natasha yanked the brunette by her braid.   
“You’ve gotten so big, Vera.” Natasha teased as she held tight on the other woman’s hair. Vera rolled her eyes and headbutted Natasha.   
Natasha dodged Vera’s attacks and bounced on her feet waiting for the next strike. Vera smoothed her hair before mimicking Natasha’s movements. They were at a stalemate for the moment.   
“Who sent you?”  
Vera narrowed her eyes, refusing to answer.   
“So I have to guess?”  
Vera lifted a perfectly groomed eyebrow in response. Natasha rolled her eyes.   
She muttered to herself, “Was I like this?”  
Natasha sighed and threw a lazy punch at her opponent. Vera took the bait and tried to grab it. Natasha in turn snatched the woman’s hand and pulled her into a chokehold.   
“Are you still loyal to the Red Room?”  
Vera bared her teeth, again refusing to answer. Natasha tightened her grip around Vera’s throat.   
“Answer the question, Vera. Or it’s night night.”  
Vera squirmed but couldn’t wriggle free. “Not exactly.” She coughed out.   
Natasha let Vera go. A fight would do Natasha good. Vera clutched her throat, sputtering as Natasha put some distance between them.   
“Who sent you then? You’re not here because you want to be, unless you just wanted to spar in a Parisian alley.”  
Vera’s lips twitched for a moment. Natasha could see her fighting a smile, but Vera refused to smile.   
“Who?”  
Vera pursed her lips before running for the wall and pushing off it. Natasha deflected the attack. Who would send Vera?   
“Vlad sent you.”  
Vera hesitated, confirming Natasha’s suspicions. But still that didn’t seem right to Natasha.   
“I’m a small fish to him. I assumed he only captured me for Alexi.”   
As Vera finally landed a punch, the answer hit Natasha.   
“Klaus, huh? Vlad probably loaned a Black Widow or two out so he could exact revenge for me conning him.”  
Vera grunted as Natasha gripped her hand and whipped her around. Natasha held her opponent’s hand behind her back and whispered into her ear, “Tell Klaus to do his own dirty work.”  
Vera wriggled and fought to get out of Natasha’s grip, but Natasha twisted the woman’s arm further, garnering a pained groan from the other.   
“You can’t beat me.” Natasha said as she shoved Vera away from her. She sprinted down the alley and then climbed up a fire escape. Vera took off after her, but Natasha slipped into someone’s open apartment window.   
Once the coast was clear, Natasha dropped to the ground. She checked her watch; maybe she could catch Steve.   
Natasha sprinted across the city. Her heart raced as her feet carried her closer to Steve. She hoped she’d make it in time. Her mind wandered as she pushed through crowds to get to the park he ran in. She wondered if she didn’t catch him today, would she still have the nerve tomorrow?  
Steve jogged out of the park. He was merely a buff blonde speck blocks away. She paused. The weight of seeing him again because she wanted to crashed into her. She missed everything about him. Her body ached to be held by him. He could soothe all the hurts of the last months.   
Steve disappeared from her sight as an arm hooked her by the neck and pulled her into the alley. She gasped as her airways closed under the strength of her attacker. Blackness clouded her vision for a moment. Her head swam. Her thoughts turned frantic. Would that glimpse of the man she loved be her last?


	24. Chapter 24

Natasha struggled, but she couldn't function well as less oxygen made it to her brain. Her body relaxed trying to conserve the last bit of oxygen. A single tear slipped down her face. She had so much she wanted to say to Steve, but she would never be able to. He was so close, yet he felt a world away now. Blackness closed in on Natasha’s vision. She went limp, and her attacker relaxed. Her attacker loosened the grip around Natasha's throat.  
Natasha’s eyes snapped open as oxygen flooded into her body. She took a moment, still pretending to be unconscious to catch her breath. A foot crashed into the side of her face as she laid still.  
“Suka.” A woman muttered.  
Natasha grabbed the foot as it came in for another attack. Another curse was shouted as Natasha flipped the attacker and twisted until bones popped. A scream of pain followed and then everything descended into chaos.  
After Natasha scrambled to her feet, she realized who her attacker was. Another Black Widow student. Another one she knew. As she writhed in pain, more widows dropped into the alley. They didn’t wait to assess the situation or let Natasha talk; like a tidal wave, they all pushed into her. They fought with less discipline. As a few pummeled Natasha, she almost smiled. She had never seen any widows have this kind of sentiment for one of their own. Usually, it was everyone for themselves.  
Natasha eventually broke free of their attacks. She counted her attackers.   
Four widows against her and one writhing in pain at their feet. If only they would pause long enough for her to talk to them, maybe this didn’t have to turn into a bloody fight.

“Girls!” Natasha hollered in Russian.  
For a moment, everyone paused, but the hesitation didn’t last long. Their fighting became more brutal, but luckily for Natasha they began fighting her in pairs. She could fend off one or two, not four at the same time.   
At first deflecting their attacks was easy, but Natasha’s body ached. More and more punches got through. She touched her nostril and found blood running down from it. Her ribs ached from getting repeated punches. Natasha tried to catch her breath, but the attacks didn’t wait for her. Natasha had gotten so used to sparring with Steve who held his punches and waited for her to catch her breath. She had lost her edge, but the girls were getting tired too. She was able to get her own attacks in.   
As the widows attacked Natasha, Vera dropped into the alley. She smirked at Natasha and then connected a punch into the side of Natasha’s head. Her thoughts swam as she tried to focus on the fighting. Natasha continued to attack with only her instincts guiding her.  
Natasha smashed a widow’s head into the brick wall. The woman crumbled. Natasha watched for a moment looking for life. The woman’s chest still rose and fell.   
Another punch slammed into Natasha’s head, followed by another and then a one to the ribs.   
Natasha cried out in pain. She knew a few of her ribs were broken now. She gasped for breath. The pain seared through her chest as she drew in short breaths. Her eyes blurred, and her body felt disconnected from her fuzzy brain. She fought out of instinct. Her Red Room training returned. She placed a hard kick to one widow’s thigh, and bones cracked. The woman collapsed in a cry of pain. The one with the broken leg scooted away from the fight and dragged the unconscious widow with her. They huddled with the first victim of Natasha.   
Three widows hurt; three fought her.  
Natasha’s fist connected with a jaw. She placed a solid kick into someone’s stomach. Another punch landed into a neck. The injured woman sputtered but continued to fight. Natasha kept throwing punches. Her fists seemed to work independent of her brain. Her brain struggled to focus on what was happening around her.   
Another punch to the head sent Natasha’s head reeling again. She worried another punch to the head might knock her out or kill her. She frantically threw blind punches, hoping to deflect any attacks.   
Her hand connected with something, and she felt whatever her punch connected with crumbled under the assault. Deafening silence followed.  
Natasha’s eyes landed where the widows were staring. Vera lay crumpled on the ground in front of Natasha. She didn’t move. 

Clarity flooded Natasha’s mind. Her legs wobbled, and she crumbled to her knees beside the woman. She had known Vera well when they were in the Red Room. She might have considered her a friend back then, if she had known what friends were. Natasha touched Vera’s face, but her hands snapped back as if the woman’s skin was hot iron.   
One of the widows muttered to another in Russian what Natasha feared. “She’s dead.”  
The words entered Natasha’s ears, but her brain didn’t translate it. She didn’t want to believe it. She couldn’t believe it. If she did, then she was really the monster she feared she was.   
Natasha remembered her CPR training. She pumped the woman’s chest.   
“Damnit, wake up, Vera.”   
A single tear trickled down Natasha’s cheek. Natasha barely breathed as the other widows scurried out of the alley while she tried to revive Vera. She barely noticed their departure.   
“You don’t get to die like this.”  
Natasha listened to her breathing hoping to hear something. She beat the woman’s chest and then continued the CPR.   
“I need to kick your ass, not-” Natasha’s voice cracked. “not like this though.”  
She stared at the vacant eyes and immobile body of a woman she had once cared for. Natasha didn’t cry. She didn’t feel anything. She just stared at the body in front of her. Lifeless eyes stared back at her.   
Vera was gone. No reviving her. Death surrounded Natasha. She couldn’t escape it. Natasha laid down beside the body. She wanted to stay here forever. She would die eventually, and finally, her penance would be paid for her crimes.  
Sirens wailed in the distance. Natasha’s eyes snapped open. She laid motionless for a long time listening to the sirens creep closer to her. She would get locked up for murder.   
‘It’s what I deserve’, she told herself.   
But, at some point, Natasha climbed to her feet, leaving the body behind. The body she created. The body of someone she knew and had once cared about.   
Stumbling out of the alley, she took one last look at Vera. She muttered a Russian prayer for the woman’s soul. As the sunlight flooded her senses, the extent of her injuries crashed into her, and her body crumbled under the pain.  
Her eyes frantically searched the bustling crowd and found a stranger’s kind and calming blue ones just before she collapsed. The man hooked her arms before she fell to the ground. He muttered something to her that she couldn’t understand. She stared up at him as he carried her somewhere. She thought she heard something about a hospital before she lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter, y'all!!


	25. Chapter 25

Steve’s eyes flitted toward some movement in an alleyway a few feet ahead of him. A bloodied figure stumbled out of the alleyway. Steve watched as the redhead held her head. Her eyes lifted to the crowd before her, and recognition flooded his face.   
Natasha stared blankly at him. Her eyes rolled back in her head, and Steve rushed to her side, catching her under the arms just before she crumbled to the ground. He scooped her up and cradled her in his arms. He knew he couldn’t take her to the hospital; they were fugitives.   
“No hospital.” He muttered to himself.   
Natasha went limp in his arms, and Steve’s pace picked up. He took as manys shortcuts as he knew to his place. He slipped in a back entrance, and then noticed Natasha’s breathing had become more shallow. Steve’s heart raced.   
Steve bounded up the stairs to his room and fumbled with his keys. His fingers worked frantically as he fought the urge to kick the door in. Finally, he slipped the key into the lock and let himself in. He dead bolted the door behind them and then rushed to the bed. He gently laid her down on the bed.   
Natasha’s breathing seemed to return to normal after a few moments. Steve sat down on the edge of the bed beside her.   
Everything felt so surreal. Natasha was here. She just stumbled back into his life.   
But she was hurt. She didn’t seem to recognize him when she appeared from that alley. Anxiety rose in his chest. Steve touched Natasha’s leg, hoping to ground himself. Steve faced her and watched her chest rise and fall. She was here right now. While she was unconscious, he could pretend she was still the same person he knew, whether or not it would be true later.   
Steve began to tend to her injuries as she slept. He cleaned up visible cuts and wrapped her bruised and beaten hands. Natasha stirred, and Steve nearly jumped out of his skin. Natasha’s eyes snapped open.   
Her body turned rigid. Her hands shook, and then the rest of her body shook. Steve hesitantly touched her arm. Natasha’s head whipped in Steve’s direction. She stared blankly at him. Steve frowned sensing the confusion in her gaze.   
Natasha’s eyes flashed with tears as she stared at the stranger who saved her. She knew those eyes. She couldn’t place where, but she had known those blue eyes.   
Steve reached out and brushed a hair out of Natasha’s face. She let him, but her eyes still watched with suspicion. Steve delicately touched the gash on her cheek. Natasha winced. Steve dabbed a disinfectant on the cut. He continued to clean her wounds. Natasha closed her eyes trying to conjure up the name that went with that face. Her ears caught the muffled sound of sniffles. She watched him through her eyelashes. He tried to discreetly wipe tears from his cheek. Steve finished, and his gaze returned to her face. She stared into his glossy blue eyes. Those eyes looked into her soul. They saw her wholly.   
Steve reached out and wrapped his hands around hers. He pressed a soft kiss into the bandage.   
“I love you.” He muttered into the fabric.   
A tear escaped through Steve’s closed eyes. Natasha heard his muttered words. Her mouth opened, as if to answer, but nothing came out. She pulled her hand away from his grasp.   
Steve frowned and disappeared, muttering something about needing something.   
Natasha propped herself up while Steve was gone. Her mind began to piece everything together. Steve returned, but he stopped at the end of the bed. Natasha’s eyes lifted to his, full of tears.   
Steve frowned, but then he noticed the look in her eyes.   
“Nat?”  
Natasha bit her lip, trying to hold back the tears welling up inside her, but it was no use. Natasha sobbed into her hands. Steve rushed to her side. He wrapped his arms around her. Natasha heaved and choked on her own tears. When she started to settle, Steve held her at arms length.   
“Are you okay? What happened?”  
The weight of what had just happened crashed into Natasha. Her tears cut off completely. Her eyes drifted passed Steve.   
He asked her more questions, but she didn’t even acknowledge his voice. He turned her face toward him, and she just stared at him blankly. Steve frowned.   
“Nat, what’s wrong? Answer me.”  
He gripped her arm pulling her toward him. He wrapped his arms around her, but she stayed stiff. Steve bit his lip trying to hold back tears.   
“Natasha, talk to me please.”  
Her eyes settled on him, but she didn’t offer any answer. She stared at him, and then her gaze returned to the window. He walked away trying to avoid crying in front of her.  
Steve dropped to the edge of the tub and rested his head in his hands. He finally had Natasha back, and now, he worried he’d never have his Natasha again.   
He heard her footsteps moving around in the room. He returned to find her standing in front of the window. She held her side as she stood there. Steve moved beside her. He finally got a good look at her. Blood was caked in her hair and skin. Blood stained her shirt and leggings. He hadn’t noticed the giant stains. She couldn’t have been hurt bad enough to have bleed that much.   
“Can I look at your side?”  
Natasha didn’t answer. Steve waited, hoping she would give some indication of yes or no. Steve gently peeled the shirt away from her skin. He examined the bloodied skin. No wound, just dark bruises, but the blood made it hard to tell the extent of her injuries.   
Steve stood up straight, and sighed.   
“Hey.”   
Natasha’s eyes flitted toward him for a moment.   
“Wanna get a bath? It’s hard to see your injuries with all this blood on you.”  
Natasha remained mute, but followed as Steve lead her to the bathroom. Once Steve let go of her hand, Natasha stopped. Steve beaconed her forward, but she stayed. He started the water for her bath.   
“I can help you get your shirt and leggings off, and then leave you to take a bath.”  
He grabbed Natasha’s hand again, and pulled her farther into the bathroom.   
Steve’s fingers nimbly peeled her shirt off her body. He lifted her arms and pulled the shirt over her head. Steve’s eyes met hers once her shirt was gone, but Natasha’s gaze was unfocused. Steve then slowly pulled her leggings off her legs. He paused waiting for her to step out of the pants, but she didn’t move. He lifted her leg and pulled the clothing off the rest of the way. She stood in front of him only in a bra and underwear. Steve usually would have looked at her, maybe admired her body, but it felt like a violation when she was so vulnerable. He folded her clothes and then turned off the water.   
“I’ll let you wash up. Let me know if you need anything.”  
Natasha didn’t acknowledge his words, but he closed the door behind him anyway. Steve dragged a chair to the bathroom door. He collapsed into it. Exhaustion crashed into him. His mind felt drained.   
He tried to process the last few hours. His mind wandered as he waited for Natasha. It felt like hours had passed. He hadn’t heard any movement in the bathroom since he left. He peeked in and found Natasha still standing there exactly as he had left her.   
“Take a bath.” He reminded her through the door.   
He figured he’d give her more time. He planted himself back in the chair. Time seemed to crawl by, and still no sound of movement in the bathroom. Steve knocked on the door.  
No response.   
He poked his head in, and Natasha rigidly stood in the same spot he had left her.  
Steve entered the bathroom, and strode over to Natasha. He held her arms.   
“You need to get in the bath.” Natasha’s eyes remained unfocused as he spoke to her.   
Steve sighed. “I’ll let you get in.”  
He stepped toward the door and watched her. She didn’t move. She barely even blinked.   
Steve came back over to her. He bit his lip. She needed to get cleaned up. He didn’t know if she would do it on her own.   
“Okay. I’ll help you.”   
Steve turned Natasha away from him and began to unclasp her bra. His mind wandered briefly. He never thought he’d be undressing her under these kind of circumstances.   
He pulled the straps down her arms and off her body. Her skin felt cold and clammy under his touch. He tried to avoid touching her. This almost felt like a violation, but he knew she trusted him.   
Next, he tugged the hem of her underwear down her legs.   
He averted his eyes as he guided her toward the bath. She wouldn’t even lift her legs to step into the bathtub. Steve scooped her up and lowered her into the bath water. She shivered as she settled into the warm water.   
He let her sit in the water for awhile. Her eyes seemed to focus again, but they still stared blankly at the wall in front of her. She drew her knees to her chest. Steve knelt beside the tub and began to gently rub her back with a soapy washcloth. He slowly began to scrub away the blood on her skin. He began to noticed scars, some faint, some more recent. His fingers dragged over the healed wounds. Her back was scarred all over; he wondered how he neve noticed them before. Maybe she put makeup on them, or maybe he didn’t stop to see the damage. He felt terrible for never seeing them. It felt like he was seeing a new woman before him. One who was vulnerable and traumatized because of her past, but one who triumphed over adversity and was good. Her scars told him a story of her past. He began to understand Natasha more. He saw the person of her past in these scars. A brutal woman.   
But then he saw his Natasha as he saw the scars he was present for, scars from him patching her up during a mission, and even a few scars he inflicted when they sparred. He saw her past, but he also saw the Natasha he knew and loved.   
Steve cupped the water and let it fall over her hair. He ran his fingers through trying to separate the pieces and clean out the blood. Natasha closed her eyes as he massaged her scalp. Steve worked silently. After cleaning a lock of hair, he tucked it behind her ear. Natasha leaned into his touch as she looked over at him. Steve’s thumb traced her cheekbone over and over again.  
“I missed you.” Steve muttered.   
Natasha frowned. Everything she wanted to say bubbled up in her throat, but she couldn’t manage the task of getting the words out into the air. Steve nodded knowing she needed more time. He pressed a soft kiss against her forehead and continued to clean her hair of blood.   
Tears welled up in Natasha’s eyes. She didn’t deserve him. She wished she did. Her thoughts wandered to what would happen once this moment had passed. She didn’t know what the future held. She didn’t know if she could move passed the events of today.   
Steve finished scrubbing her body of blood and handed her a towel. Natasha wrapped herself up, and stepped out of the tub. Natasha lowered herself the edge of the tub, and Steve sat down on the toilet across from her.   
“I killed someone.”  
Steve nodded. “You killed him in self defense.”  
“Another black widow.”   
Steve’s eyes widened. Natasha noticed his expression. Her eyes fell to the floor. He stayed silent waiting for her to continue. Natasha took this as shocked silence. Her heart ached. A quiet sob slipped from her lips. Steve dropped to his knees in front of her.   
“Hey. Hey. I don’t care.” Steve pushed her wet hair away from her face. “I just care about you, Natasha.”  
“I didn’t mean to.”  
Steve rested his forehead against hers. “I know. You aren’t a murderer.”  
Natasha’s lip trembled as Steve looked into her eyes.   
“You don’t know that. I’ve done terrible things.You don’t know me at all. ”  
Steve let out a sigh as he rubbed his thumb back and forth on her cheek.   
“Then tell me.”   
Natasha pushed him away.   
“No.”  
“Why?” Steve retorted as he moved closer to her again.   
Natasha looked back at him with glossy eyes. “Because you’ll never see me the same.”  
Steve shook his head.   
“I don’t care about the past. I just want to know you.”  
Natasha shook her head and disappeared through the bathroom door. She snatched up one of Steve’s shirts and hastily pulled it on. Steve stood in the door way of the bathroom. Natasha looked at him with hurt in her eyes.   
“I- I have to go.”  
Natasha turned to find some pants, but Steve grabbed her arms.   
“No.” He tried to say in a commanding voice, but his words came out more as a cry. “No. You don’t get to leave me again.”  
Natasha squirmed trying to get away from him. Steve held her still.   
“We are going to work through this shit, Natasha. We are going to do it together. Okay?”  
Natasha squirmed again, and Steve wrapped her in a bone crushing hug.   
“I love you.” He whispered into her hair. “I don’t care about your past.”  
Natasha buried her face in his neck as the tears began to stream down her face.   
“I’m a monster.”  
Steve shook his head as he held her close. “You aren’t a monster.”

After crying together, Steve released Natasha. She dropped to the bed. Steve took his place beside her and wrapped her hands in his own. She began to let down her guard. Her story began to flow from her mouth. She told him everything that came to mind. Every dirty secret she kept and sin she committed. Hours passed, but Steve still listened intently wanting to know everything about the woman he loved. Natasha sobbed through some parts, and Steve wiped her tears away. She shared her demons with him. Her burden lightened.   
But Steve didn’t say anything. He stayed silent; his eyes focused on the night sky. Natasha bit her lip, trying to hold back the tears. This was what she was afraid of. She knew she would scare him away.   
She pushed herself off the bed and walked over to the window. As she stared out at the city skyline, she folded her arms across her chest. The air around her seemed to crush in on her. Her limps felt cold and heavy. Her heart began to ache again. She would lose Steve, and this time it would be his own decision.   
Steve soaked in the information she had just relayed. His mind raced as he finally understood the vulnerable and tortured little girl hidden under Natasha’s icy exterior. Steve watched as Natasha’s shoulders lightly shook. He could hear her quiet sniffles. He joined Natasha at the window, but he hung back for a moment. He stood behind her.   
Steve took in her reflection for a moment. Her glossy eyes searched the city for something. They didn’t focus. Steve soaked in the sight of a Natasha he’d never seen. A Natasha he truly knew. He could almost see the tormented child in her teary green eyes and the way her arms wrapped around her body. He mourned for the child she used to be. The one who deserved a good life. She roughly wiped her tears from her cheek.   
In that moment, she had never been more beautiful to him. She had been raw and vulnerable with him, and there was a new and deeper connection between them. He stepped closer to her and rested his head on her shoulder.   
Natasha flinched and pulled away from his touch. She frowned at the reflection in the window. Steve’s eyes met hers in the glass reflection. The faintest smile flashed over his lips as he wrapped his arms around her. Natasha closed her eyes relishing the warmth. She missed him so much. Her body ached from the months spent apart. She leaned her head against his, trying to memorize the feeling.   
Steve’s hands gripped Natasha’s arms and turned her around to face him. His fingers caressed her cheek before tucking loose wave locks behind her ear. His fingers trailed their way down from her ear to her jaw. His thumb rested on her chin before he pulled her towards him. Steve pressed a tender kiss to her lips, but Natasha didn’t respond. He felt the wet tears on her cheek against his hand. Steve pulled away but his hands cradled her face. Her eyes met his. The sorrow in her gaze saddened him.   
“I see you, Natasha.”  
Natasha leaned into his touch closing her eyes.   
“I see all of you.”  
More tears escaped from Natasha’s closed eyes. Steve gently wiped them away. Natasha peered at Steve through bleary eyes.   
“I see your past, and it doesn’t scare me.”   
Steve paused. He stared into her green eyes. Natasha bit her lip trying to hold back a sob. Steve flashed a faint smile at her and then pressed a light kiss against her forehead. Natasha’s sob bubbled out of her throat as Steve leaned his forehead against hers.   
“In fact,” Steve whispered, “it makes me love you more.”  
Natasha let out a weak chuckle through her tears.   
“Always the sap, Cap.”  
Steve rolled his eyes before continuing.   
“I love you because you’re broken. You wouldn’t be you without these demons.”  
More tears slipped down Natasha’s cheeks.   
“You're not you without the things that broke you.”  
Steve wrapped his arms around Natasha, and she nestled her head against his chest.   
“We all fall apart. It just matters who’s there to help us pick up the pieces.”  
Steve pulled away from her and held her at arm’s length.   
“I wanna be there to help you pick up the pieces.”  
He hesitated seeing something in her eyes. She continued to cry. His hands dropped to his side.   
“But I won’t force you to stay. If you need to figure this out alone, I understand.”  
Natasha’s mind raced. She was torn between two choices. The logical side said Steve could never truly love a woman with her past, but her heart told her she couldn’t bear to leave again.   
Natasha turned away from him and faced the window again. She hugged herself.   
The faintest reflection of Steve appeared in the window. She stared at it. He hesitated putting distance between them. He didn’t want her to feel pressured to choose him.   
Natasha told herself she had to leave, but her feet felt stuck in place. She thought through her exit strategy. She planned what she would say, but the longer she stood there gazing at the faint reflection of a man she admired and adored she felt peace. His presence comforted her. Her mind felt clearer than ever. Her eyes lifted to his in the reflection of the glass as if to say “I’ve made my decision”.  
Steve closed the distance between them. His arms wrapped around her waist, and he rested his head against her shoulder. Natasha touched Steve’s arm and leaned her head against his head.   
“I love you.” Natasha muttered.   
Steve pressed his lips against her shoulder in response. Natasha squeezed his arms and then turned around in arms. Her hands reached up and cradled his face. Her thumb grazed his cheeks. Steve leaned his forehead against hers.   
He responded, “I love you.”   
Natasha leaned into his lips. Steve’s hands spread flat against Natasha’s back as he pulled her flush to his body. Natasha smiled against his lips.   
“Us.” She mumbled as she pressed a kiss against Steve’s cheek.   
Steve squeezed her a little tighter and pulled her lips back to his.   
“Against the world?” He asked after pulling away for a moment.   
Natasha nodded with a small smile before burying her face in his chest.   
Maybe she would forever be haunted by the Ghosts of Her Past, but having Steve by her side eased the pain. 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end, guys. Thank you for everything. The support I've gotten for this story has truly changed my life. Every comment has meant the world to me.   
> I hope you follow my journey as I write more fics. I've definitely got some more romanogers fics in the works.   
> Love,  
>  b


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